Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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Too long

vinlin
vinlin

It's been 11 yrs since my husband passed away.  I didn't start dating till 2 yrs after that.  Lived with my sister so was not lonely.  Been living alone now for 9 yrs.  I quit dating because to be honest there isn't many good men out there.  Most only wanted one thing but I wanted a relationship and someone to do things with.  For awhile I was content with my life, then in blew Dave, now living across from me.  His ex-girlfriend kicked him.  Yes, we started to fast and we slowed down.  It's been 7 mos for us and I know it's still to soon for a relationship for him.  But now the loneiness comes on me badly when I don't go over there.  I want to go over but I want him to call me first.  Yes, I try to keep busy here.  Been cleaning a lot.  lol!!!   It wasn't so bad when he was working.  But he has been home cus of a sicaitic attack.  I go see my sister when she is off work or she comes here.  I need to go see my aunt and my friend Mary.  This next week will be a busy one tho.  Dr appts, 3 of them and a memorial, a uncle passed away.  Get my hair done.  Hoping he'll go back to work this coming week.  I'm so bad! 

GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Hi Vin, I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle.

I do think staying busy, and the more you could do socially, will help. Staying busy is good.... but seeing other friends, family, old friends, new friends, new guys..... will be a lot happier for your situation.

We've written before about this Dave guy, so you already know what I'm going to say, lol...
He is not looking for any relationship. He may never want one, who knows? Don't wait around for him to decide. It's your life. Don't put all your eggs in one basket..... as the saying goes. Go out with other guys. Go see your friends. Go out on your own. Stay busy making connections with other people, so that you are not thinking about what he is or isn't doing. Give him lots of space, and don't contact him so much!!
vinlin
vinlin
Hi Girlincalif, Yeah I know he may never want a relationship. Neither one of us has anything else for now. It's better than nothing I guess. If a guy would ask me out I would go but no one ever does. I've been on dating sites, couple tried to scam me, the ones I did meet I was not attracted to at all. One guy who I did date for awhile would be texting other women while with me. He broke up with me cus I complained about that. No respect for me. I stay as busy as I can and just take one day at a time. With my anxiety doing better it's all I can do. I stay away from people if the anxiety is bad. I don't even like myself at those times. Can't expect others to like me too. Gotta get to bed.
Thanks for writing.
hasty_05
hasty_05
Have you considered the dopamine aspect of seeing Dave. Your brain gets a hit of dopamine when he contacts you or you drop over to his house to see him. When there is no contact between you two, your brain longs for that hit of dopamine. So you force a meeting to get another hit. No other relationship gives you that hit of dopamine so you compare them all unfavorably. Find a new way to increase the dopamine in your brain. Exercise, reading a book, sunshine, social groups, etc. He’s just a sometimes lover it sounds like which is okay if you can stop expecting more.
vinlin
vinlin
Yeah I do know that. He makes me laugh and it's been a long time since I really laughed, you know the deep kind? And I do it to him too. I live in NY, not much sunshine here this time of the year. Cloudy most days. I hate it. I used to live in FL and miss is so much this time of the year. I do walk the length of my trailer for a little bit of exercise this time of the year. Once it's warmer I'll take walks and ride my bike. Go get lunch and go to the park. I will even go for drives. Not much to do in little towns.
I don't expect much from D these days. I am slowing learning not to. Not easy cus I'm a dreamer. Esp since he had his sciatica attack he seems down. I hope going back to work Monday will help him. I know he is bored and going stir crazy staying home. At our age it takes time to heal but men don't get it. My father was the same way.
I should get back to church but it's hard since they changed their service time again. I am not a early morning person. Getting older is not fun. My sister seems to think I may be a bit depressed. I see my Dr on the 26th and see what she thinks.
Have a good day!
hasty_05
hasty_05
That’s a good idea to get a depression assessment. There are some good ones online especially the Beck scales or assessments.
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