feeling like if you push them away first, then you don't have to worry about losing them?

first off, define "normal"

personal opinion inbound:

if you mean not standardized, then yes, it's difficult to link with other individuals. i lived my whole life without friends because i don't follow most social canons, i only had partners to my side. sometimes if you don't follow said canons (such as image, wealth and you-name-it) chanches are your possibility to interact with others, and to make it last, drops pretty much.

if you mean on the mental side... that's a whole different story. first off, it's not your fault. if you have a condition, chances are people without that condition can hardly understand it and hardly "play along". it's not their fault either, so to speak, many are "ignorant" about what lies within the head of an individual with problems. many others know and just don't want this burden on their shoulders. but that doesn't mean you have to feel guilty for it.

Hugs. I agree with AnxietyFreak, because I've done it myself. Maybe try to not back off & go out of your comfort zone. I have a hard time making friends myself but if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here. =) I'm a good listener & I'm here to make friends. I hope you find comfort in knowing you're not alone. There are many people that are going through the same thing you are. Hang in there hun.

I understand how you feel- I used to be a very angry person to everyone else. I would push people away purposely... I didn't feel close to anyone. I didn't share similar interests... And usually the only one I was close to was who I was dating.. I had a lot of emotional pain/loss/death early on in my childhood/teens.
You can get through it... How old are you? Maybe try to find a hobby that you really enjoy; and if you happen to find people with similar interests doing the same thing... then thats an easy way to make a friend! God bless!

I feel for you and sympathize!!
Gentle hugs

There is no "normal". Maybe you're afraid to go deep because it's like looking into a black hole, or you don't like anxiety, and guess what, humans cause each other anxiety. In either case, the issue is FEAR. If you can push through fear with LOVE, even get ANGRY at someone when you get annoyed with them, you'll conquer the fear and realize you are a powerful human being.

I'd like to suggest seeing a counsellor to talk this through with. There may be issues that need resolving so you can live your best life. Good luck

thanks for sharing...because honestly I do the same thing sometimes...