I came face to face on the weekend at just how much I don't matter to anyone. I already knew this but to face it in one of my darkest moments was probably one of the safest and darkest days of my life so far.

since the days past I'm now struggling to find the meaning and purpose of life.

my reality came true I could die and no one would be any the wiser or even if they were they wouldn't even care.

i had hoped maybe the thoughts were just all in my anxious nervous over exaggerated mind but they aren't.

and I'm just left feeling so empty and nothing now, I sit and stare into blank space, I just feel numb and nothingness.

what really is the point.

how this came about, eventually, long story short.

the Police called an ambulance on me as I walked into the middle of a busy road into oncoming traffic. They had to take to to hospital and they wouldn't let me leave. I didn't eat or sleep from Sat till Monday afternoon, and had to lie so they would let me leave. I reached out to so called acquaintances to say I was in hospital, no one replied, no one came, no one cared. I was there all alone crying.

there is allot more to the story, why I ended up in the road, what led up to it, etc but I said I'd keep it short.

to ale things worse, the hospital staff treated me like I was a total fucking head case.

anyway rant over. I really don't have anymore words.