Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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the emptiness is back... dang

BionicNarwhal
BionicNarwhal

SO little bit of history/backstory...


I am in college in a place that is thousand of miles from home. I have made so many friends that I love and care about but most of them are what I call 'surface level' friends, those that you talk to just at class, about the homework, and I really despreetly want to get to know them better but there just isn't a great opportunity to get to know them better, no real reason for me to open up or to hug them like i honestly fanasize about. man that is the thing I miss most--- Hugs.


But I did have about four to five really close friends that I sometimes felt conforetable enough around to open up and talk about how I am numb, sometimes self harm/suicidal and sometimes struggle to feel like this is reality-- some days I wake up and everything is just grey, and somedays I wake up and everything is in psycodelic Technicolour, and it switches back and forth, both of which are really unconfortable.


But one by one all of these people have transfered, gone home or left on trips and will not be back. Yesterday I drove the last one of my friends to the airport for them to go back home. I thought I was gonna crack, but Luckey my crush (who we both know we like eachother but we both are aganst the idea of long distance so we will probably date someday) they called me and we talked for six hours. 


But then I got up today, and by got up I mean I woke up at noon and realized that all of my friends were gone and everything shut down. I felt so lonely and isolated that I am an empty husk of a person and I want to cry but I am unable to. It is a sticky situation. all day nothing has really felt real, I am barly even going through the motions at this point. I was slightly productive... gotta keep it on the up and up-- I did a load of dishes, took a shower adn made Tomato soup. So like yea, basic day- but hte rest of it was striaght up just TV and movies. and I really don't want to go to bed cause who knows what the night will bring... Woooooo nightmares 


But yea, I don't really have anyone I can even fantasize talking to now. Because they are all gone. I relly just want human contact, but I don't know if I will get that till next week, and I am not sure that is a good thing.



Also side note today I was contacted by the boy that I liked but I dilberatly decided not to respond.... I feel lonely and Isolated... Why am I not reaching out and talking to people? That is what I want??? what the heck brain, why are you doing this!?



Sorry it is so long I just needed to write down how I was feeling somewhere 

Paintbynumbers
Paintbynumbers
Yeah I can understand this completely, and you know sometimes with depression you just don't want to open up to people because either a) you don't know how they will respond, or b) you don't want them to see that side of you. I think that it is perfectly normal especially with new relationships, acquaintances, or the beginning of a romantic relationship, to not want to open up about your whole life story.. and to be honest taking your time to really get to know someone and trust them feels a lot less vulnerable than just bursting out your feelings anyway. Don't beat yourself up about it. In someways by not contacting him when you are feeling so down you are protecting your vulnerability and you are taking your time in the relationship which makes sense to me. If you still feel like its early stages before talking about depression with him or any of your other friends perhaps talking to a third party like a counsellor might be catharic.. even this online forum is a release sometimes. For me when I felt so low I started to realise that a psychologist was the only person who I felt comfortable to talk to about really dark thoughts like suicide because they didn't judge and they weren't emotional and reactive about it. On many occasions this was enough social support to get me through the day when I was alone as well... and I always treated myself to a piece of cake afterwards.
Loneliness as part of depression can be paralysing and a self-fulfilling cycle for sure, and the only way to break away from it is to be consciously active to fight against it. Contact the boy who messaged or called.. you don't have to open up about everything if you are not ready, maybe that you just felt down because your friends had left. On another note are there any meetup groups, or activities that you can join? (sometimes they actually have support groups for depression), even going to a gym class? While they may not mean that you socialise right away, it is a step towards building relationships. It may not be a cure but its a step and all you can do is focus on the now.