Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
Soo...Today my boyfriend and best friend got in a fight, he said she needs to lay of the drugs and start being an actual friend to me...well she's in denial about bein a druggie, so of course she flipped....said he's a worthless cheater that doesn't mean shit and she hopes we break up, he said he hopes she kills herself...blah blah blah.... Well, she said i need to dump him because he does nothing but drag me down, i said "No, he's all that makes me happy because my best friend is always high".....she told me not to talk to her, she gave me all my stuff back...THEN she decided to text my sister....my family didn't know about my boyfriend...my sister freaked out, threatened to call the cops, then she started messaging my boyfriend and yelling at him...she told him never to talk to me again and shes gonna call the cops on him and send him to jail for dating a minor... yet, he told her off....he threw everything in her face...all the shit i've been through, he asked if SHES protecting me, why did all that happen to me?....then i found out they were talking, i went to her house and freaked out, threatened to kill myself... told her i hate the whole family and they just make me want to die, which is true... i cried...i have NEVER talked to my family about problems before, never told them how i feel, never cried in front of them....but tonight, she went too far, all of my family did.... and I told them that i cant stand them... my boyfriend is my BEST friend....they think i'm gonna be one of those girls who think "awe he loves me and we're gonna get married and have kids" ---ya know...But I'm not.... I'm with him because he makes me happy, he's my best friend, he's the one who makes me feel like i'm important...we've almost been together for a year, and i lied to him about my age, tonight he found out how old i was... he told me it does change some things, but he cant just not love me because i said i was a year older..... he said they can call the cops, he'll stand by my side, he's not afraid to go to jail.....he doesn't leave me, no matter what....i dont get why they're trying to chase away my best friend, they're not gonna understand how someone 4 years older than me is my best friend...my parents are 6 years apart...i wish they'd understand, and remember what it felt like when they were my age.... im moving out....packin my stuff and finding a place to stay...because all i feel in this house, around my family...is empty, and dead...and the one thing that makes me smile, they try to chase away...i dont get it :(
((((((((((((HUGE hugs!!!)))))))))))))
I'm fighting hard against what I am thinking, it's a speak up or shut up war in my tired brain, I'm not feeling well today.
I wish I could just talk to you one on one. I would tell you that sometimes it is absolutely necessary for your own mental health to step away from all this dysfunction happening in your life. Choose people of all ages, not within your own family, to become your adopted family, until the time comes when you can deal with some of the problems that have happened with your immediate family.
There are good, kind people in this world who will love you exactly as you are...it won't require any distortion of the truth...people who will step up, stand by you...it is not just some Hallmark card, have a nice day bunch of bull...there are good people in this world...for me, it took raising the bar, expecting more for myself until I truly believed I was worth it...often times when we are going through such trauma and drama we lose sight of what we really need. Someone told me that we choose a partner based on our personal level of self-esteem. I have done a lot of thinking about that....
When you try to talk with someone like your best friend, you may still think it is her, but if she is abusing herself with drugs or alcohol...you are no longer talking to her, but the things she is putting into her body...there isn't room for rational talk...just drama and hurt and anger...
I am glad that you have someone in your life who cares for you...but I seriously question anyone who lashes out at a person by saying someone should kill themselves. Someone, somewhere, some how needs to stop the cycle of pain, drama, all the over the top arguments and fighting...resulting in such hurt and so many tears.
Everything escalated so quickly in this situation and led to packing your bags...I am not trying to parent you, it is not my place...but woman to woman---survivor to survivor...one who also dealt with a troubled home life and rape I want so much more for you, want a better situation for you...want you to feel safe, protected...living a better life starting with today.
I am concerned ...that you think he is the only one who cares, that you lied about your age...that you feel stuck between a rock and a hard place...I get that the age thing resolves itself quickly when you are a bit older and there is no legal issue present. I also know how much you are going to change from who you are today and within the next few years...I'm still stuck on so many things you said...you've been seeing him for a year but he was in the dark about your age all this time...you have a lot to heal from...be careful with yourself, treat yourself with gentleness and respect...step away from what just happened and do some serious thinking.
What is it you want for your life...who are the people you are going to allow close to you...do the people you are close to now want the best for you? The very best...it is hard to step away from the emotions I know...but you need some emotionally healthy people you can turn to, talk to, count on to have your best interests at heart.
I'm not judging you, I think that you have tried to do the best you can to survive and cope...I think you need so much better, deserve so much better than what is happening...sometimes when you are in the middle of a hail storm of emotional bullets, you have to say stop...walk away and put yourself first...park everything else, put it all on hold and sort out what is the life you want to live.
I was going through a really tough personal crisis when I had to leave my job due to illness. I saw someone who was counseling me, trying to help me cope.. I was pretty depressed about everything, so upset, so hurt...so overwhelmed. She challenged me to think about my ideal life. It seemed so freaking ridiculous to me...I was in the middle of such a mess...I was worried about being homeless, unable to take care of myself...losing everything and she wanted me to think of my perfect life? It pissed me off...but then somewhere, somehow I started thinking about what she said...I started to think beyond the situation and started thinking alternative thoughts...where would I live, what would I do, who would be my friends, all of it from the biggest to the smallest detail. My life did not have to be the way I saw it, what I was living...I could change things, make things happen step by step...sure it would take time, but time is something I do have, so what the hey....it went from being a freaking ridiculous idea to dreaming of better, wanting better...aiming for more in all areas of my life. I'm not a best selling novelist or living in Belize yet...but I'm not trapped into that other place either, a dark hurtful place.
Big hugs, healing waters and kindness is what I am sending you today...not wanting to overwhelm you...I promise....