Hi again, I hope you are having a good weekend. My experiences have been similar to yours. In the new year in am going to make an effort to attend young adult church groups and maybe online dating. Something that helps my loneliness is to spend time with my friends, even if they do have kids. I'll attend their soccer games, birthday parties, I'll babysit. I also try to stay involved with and volunteer in the community, you meet great people at volunteer events too. Hope this helps. Mustang

Hi Mustang,

Thanks for your thoughts. I had tried online dating - Christian Mingle and Plenty of Fish... I didn't get many bites, but I know it has worked for lots of others... I'm not opposed to trying again, but I think I am going to give it a rest for a while because if I go back on now it will just be the same people again. I like the idea of online dating, but I actually think that perhaps some guys are intimidated by me or not attracted to me because I am not a real girly girl (I'm basically a tom-boy), I have a strong personality and speak my mind, and I am highly educated. I sometimes wonder if that may be a turn-off to some guys because I am so career driven...

But I really like your ideas for what you do to curb your loneliness. I volunteer on Saturdays at a group home and the people there are single...I don't mind hanging out with married friends, but it's just different. I'm hoping to make some more single friends soon :)

Can you tell your parents that you don't want to have sex and that they should just leave you alone? And that they don't understand how rape effects you? Can you cut them out from your life if they don't leave you alone? Marriage is NOT their choice. They should have no say in what you do with your life.

Hi LoveAlice,

Yes, that's a good point as well. I appreciate what you have to say. Thanks for your suggestions, everyone!

look up meetup.com

I think you are on the right track. Definitely good to meet new friends, but also keep your current ones. I have difficulty adjusting to change as well, but I'd be even more lonely if I didn't make an effort to adjust. My married friends are also a good resource for relationship advice. I can tell that you are very intelligent, that's very attractive and I hope that you find someone who appreciates that. Have a great week.

Thanks, Mustang. I agree with you that married friends can definitely provide a lot of relationship help and advice :)... and I like babies and little kids...thanks Bill, for your suggestion of MeetUp... I'm gonna go check it out :)

Also I would suggest looking into your interests-crafts and hobbies to get involved with...You will meet others with the same interests.
A reason I won't get involved with another man is because the sex part would be expected of me and I'm too loyal to my deceased husband.

It's really good that you like babies and kids. There's nothing more gratifying than spending time with them. The soak up so much from that interaction. You have such a good heart and I'm sure you'll find a guy who will see the value in moving a relationship at your pace. The only relationship i was in moved at such a rapid pace an it kind of psyched me out, making me think that they all moved like that, but talking with you makes me realize that everyone moves at their own pace. You are so strong, thanks for helping me.

Hi Mustang,

I am glad that we could help each other out. You've certainly also helped me out a lot as well :). I think you are right that each relationship moves at a different pace. I think sex is part of a marriage, but it should definitely not be the only thing and if that's all a guy/girl wants you for then they are not the right person. My last BF was very respectful of my boundaries. He never made me do anything I didn't feel comfortable with. In fact, many people were surprised that after 4 months we had never even kissed or given each other a full frontal hug. We held hands after about 2.5 months and gave side hugs and that was the extent of what we did. So I know there are guys like this out there (and also girls like this). I hope you can find one like that as well :)

Annett, thank you for your suggestions for finding things I enjoy doing. I am sorry to hear about your loss.

From reading your username, bicyclesarereallycool, I gather you're into bicycling? If so, I realize Canada is cold as shit this time of year, and the lack of daylight must contribute to a rather bleak mood, but if you can hang in there 'til summer, I'm sure you'll find a lot of bicycling groups in meetup.com. This time of year, there are no doubt meetup groups for indoor activities too.

I think you need to focus on forming FRIENDSHIPS, with either the same sex or opposite sex. If those friendships happen to lead to romantic attachments, great, but take it slow. Try to be your own best friend. Go easy on yourself. Give your body and mind plenty of sleep, eat right and try to do some sort of physical exercise every day. And continue to read.

What koolman said is gold. I know a fair amount of single girls and they mention that their attached friends want little to do with them, jealousy maybe?

It's okay to do your own thing without anyone poking into your business, time alone isn't always bad :)

You should wait for your "right one" that God destined for you. Don't forget that Jesus is the only one who can love you more than anyone. CHRIST alone is enough. His love is eternal. :) Don't feel lonely anymore. :) :)

Thanks, guys. My problem with making friends who are men is that inevitable it always ends badly. Either he will like me and I don't like him in that way or I develop feelings for him and he doesn't like me in that way and then it becomes awkward between us and we never talk anymore. Also, every time I begin to trust men I always get hurt. I've been sexually assaulted 3 times including by men who I thought were friends... I keep trying to begin to trust men again but it's really hard...

Also, I think some women are jealous when their other friends are dating, but it is true that many women (and probably also men) become so involved with their partner that you drop off the face of the planet. I tried texting and emailing my friends about meeting up and they never respond or they tell me they are going to respond and then a week later I see them and they say "sorry, I forgot about the text. I was busy with so-and-so last week".

I'm starting to think that I only have enough room in my life for people who actually want to make the effort to meet up. When I dated in the past I never forgot my other friends. I only hung out with my boyfriend once a week on a date and then during Sundays at church or Church small group. I don't get why other women feel the need to be around their significant other 24/7.

biciycle, I think you are on the right track. Do you have a good job? Are you out on your own? or living w parents? I actually agree w koolmans response#11 (how unusual for me, lol) I can relate to you on a few levels. I wonder why/how you know the certain guys are not your type. Is it just a physical thing? Or more? Sometimes when you get to know someone, they become more attractive....or less attractive, depending. I would just say keep an open mind. The right guy won't try to squeeze you into a box. Follow your dreams, get to know yourself better and what your needs are, remember one person cannot fill all of them. Continue to love and respect yourself, and put yourself in circumstances where you feel safe, alive, happy even joyous. I'm not big on internet dating, personally. But that's not to say it's a bad thing. But as far as feeling safer, it is better to go out w guys that you've met through friends, groups, church, neighborhood, etc. Where you know something real about them. Most definitely deal w the rape issues, but don't put off men forever. Making love is entirely different. Rape is a violent act, as is sexual assault. These things are not your fault. It is the fault of sick and/or evil individuals that lack morals, self control, respect for themselves or others. The reason Christian marry young, is because they want to have sex within the parameters of their beliefs. Is that a legit reason to marry? The bible says so....but It doesn't say their shouldn't be more. lol, so I guess it depends how you interpret that. But it kindof tells me perhaps I was wrong searching for my "soulmate". anyway..i tend to stray off point. You have plenty of dating time before deciding marriage and sex. And since you are Christian, pray for healing, pray for direction and wisdom. The Lord will bring the right people into your path.