Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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Relationship problems and fear of being alone

PokemonKid
PokemonKid
Hello,

So, I have this terrible fear of being alone. Perhaps it is my borderline personality, but I have a fear of being alone. Now I find myself in relationships that are not healthy just to fill some sort of void in my life. I have recently found myself in another relationship where I am compared to other people, called ugly, and have to listen to what he wants to do with other people. He literally described what he wanted to do sexually with a guy we both know. It made me feel worthless. I'm so tired of being called ugly and not being good enough, but I can't shake this fear.

I know what I need to do. I need to get out of this relationship because it is unhealthy and hindering me from getting better. We are both dysfunctional people, but I am at least trying to get better. He isn't. I feel like I am moving forward with my life and he is still in the exact same place. Not only that I know I shouldn't be with someone who is always calling me ugly.
Today he used the excuse that he has PTSD and from his trauma he does not know how to act around people. I have PTSD as well and I have well enough sense to know NOT to call someone ugly... especially someone I am in a relationship with.
When I told him it hurts me to be called ugly he said "there is nothing wrong with being honest."

I'm just so terrified of being alone, but this relationship makes me feel even more alone. And now I'm friends with his mother and I don't want to lose her if I break up with him. I just don't know how to get over my fear...
billwfriend
billwfriend
why would you want to be in relationship with a gay male that wants other gay males? that is wrong.....not that gay is wrong but that he is seeking the others...that is script to end up with aids....sorry move on...lose his mom....not irreplaceable but life itself is and aids still kills gay men today as it always has....get going!
Razor91
Razor91
I don't quite know what the user above wrote, I felt it came off a bit homophobic myself. Anyway, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who doesn't value you. Someone who calls you ugly? Nope, get rid. I also have BPD and the fear of being alone can be absolutely crippling! But you deserve better, if he really loved you would he treat you like that? You said he makes you feel even more alone, why stay then?
chilvr
chilvr
the fear of being alone often leads us to put up with people who don't deserve to be put up with. your friend is using his ptsd to bully you by saying negative things and blaming the ptsd. bs...he says them because he wants to hurt you, because he feels badly about himself, because he's an ass...a million reasons, not one of them acceptable. far better to be alone than to put up with him. kick him to the door fast.
hugs and puppy kisses
PokemonKid
PokemonKid
Billwfriend, I am male.

Thank you guys for the encouragement. It's so hard letting go when I'm so scared to be alone. But I'm really going to try to let go of this relationship. Thank you all again.
Butterfly85
Butterfly85
awww Pokmon Kid, I was in a terrible relationship that went all the way to engagement..my fianc described his other sexual conquests, admitted to kissing our friend, put me down so much, took me for granted, mean, etc. I can tell you this from personal experience it would have saved a little but of my dignity and feelings if I had dumped his sorry a** first but sadly I let myself get rejected unceremoniously, in public. I know that it can be scary to be alone, I sometimes fear I will never get another date or bf, but you DO deserve respect and appreciate, true love that does not hurt. BIG HUG!
koolman
koolman
If he calls you ugly, you could always throw it back in his face and say "And what are YOU, Mr. Perfect?" or "Then why are you with me? Because I'm easy?".
ann54
ann54
after my husband was killed, quite a few years after, I sought out any man who would make me feel loved, and they were all wrong for me, but I hung on till it sunk in and I got out of it. I have only been in 1 long term 1 1/2 years relationship and that too was dysfuntiontcail, but I was hooked. he broke it off and I made a fool of myself. I was desperate for love and so not wanting to be alone. it caused many issues and I have been alone for 17 years now and though deeply lonely I am no longer in bad, toxic relationships. you need to but yourself first and say you don't deserve to be treated this way and get rid of him, he is a bully and abusive. sometimes the fear and lonliness is better until one can make better decsions. explore why you chose these relationships and work on you, so you can have a happier life. hugsss
billwfriend
billwfriend
yes I knew that which is meaning that your having someone as partner who is seeking multiple partners which leads to spread of diseases...
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