There are times I do the same thing. So bored and alone that I walk around looking for something to do and not finding much of any interest. Makes me feel horrible about who I am and what I've done with my life. My friends ( all from church ) are usually are to get a hold of. They have a life. I love to read, but that gets old after a while. Anyways... I think I know where you are coming from. Sadly, I have no advice to offer. Hope things get better for you.

I really understand - the hating of ones own life, the disappointment, the despair, the feeling of being detached from reality looking at yourself and seeing a miserable mess. And wanting to reach out and finding practical obstacles to communicating or getting medical help. Pity you couldnt get hold of your friend. Even if your friend cant feel the way you do he/she can understand your value as a person, maybe better than you yourself during these times. I know too that common sense doesnt always work either. For me theres the knowledge that Ive been there before and that it is possible to get release from these feelings. Thats the closest I get to comfort during such pain: there is the possibility that things will get better and I can feel more stable and even maybe enjoy things again.
Hang in there. I hope the return to work will do you good. Your co-workers understand youve been on sick leave and it will take you some time to catch up.
Hugs!

sometimes we envy others not realizing it to the point we want to do things different .but if we really want to make a change then we can do things even a little ar a time to change us or things

this is very true

I know that feeling all too well. When you are bored and can't find something to do, it's almost impossible to get out of your own mind and out of your own way. What HAVE you accomplished? I'm sure it has been a lot more than you are giving yourself credit for. I have wanted to talk to someone when I get that bad as well, but something stops me from picking up the phone and calling. I find that when I get really bad I can't even get on DS which is where I need to go, but I don't. You wrote your post on the 5th and today is the 6th so how are you doing today? Hugs GB

grammybear, unfortunately I am feeling worse and it is emotionally and it is affecting my life terribly. my son danny now is giving me a hard time, I guess it was about time for all 3 of them to lit into me about something. he is 26, lives here and he pays rent and splits the power bill. he worked a seasonal job and also received a very large settlement check last june. since October he hasn't worked, wouldn't even consider a job at lowes or anything. he thankfully will be starting a full time job on Friday. however, the day before he gave storming down yelling about the power bill and how it shouldn't be that high and that he wasn't going to slit it withme anymore. yesterday, I wanted to talk to him about all this, as he said some very disrespectful things and I thought he should apologize and he said I am the one who needs to apologize. well that escalated into him saying I am ripping him off every month and he wont have it. he feels I should be giving him a break, it is cost g him way to much to live here and it isn't right, among other nasty things. it ended badly when he said everyone gives me money, everyone helps me out and he is sick of it. this s the first year in awhile that I have been able to pay both taxes without help and I am proud of that. he twisted the knife in my back. he said later that he needs a couple of days to think some things through! I had already told him he has no clue what it is lke to live and if he wanted to leave to go. his rent money though has been a godsend t me and has enabled me to pay those taxes and we have always gotten along. I am know having to really start the process of thinking of selling my house, and it needs work which I cant afford and I need all the equity I can get, it wont be much sadly. it is time I just have to admit it and sadly apartments here aren't cheap either and I love my home. it has been a nasty few days. it all has made me feel sick.