Speaking as a mom of a teenager not much older than you, your post just makes me wanna give you a great big (((hug))).

Have you been diagnosed with depression? If so, are you on meds or undergoing any type of treatment?

I see you're also part of the DS teen forum which is good. You'll do well to talk to others your age who might be going through the same thing and realize that you're not alone.

That's good that you think of your long distance boyfriend as more of a best friend than something more serious. Otherwise that might be a source of more stress in your life which you obviously don't need right now.

Do take care and check back in.

Blessings 2 u.

I've never been diagnosed with depression or anything else :/ I was in therapy for almost a year, that never helped anything though, just kinda made things worse..

its cool that you refuse to bail on your friend...all this crap is gonna help you see things more clearly as you mature, but it sux right now im sure

Hey girl,
You have me to talk to I'm online well all the time now that its so cold that it could freeze the brass balls off a monkey I'll be online alot on this site.
Ok, I've read your post here is my suggestion.
Get some therapy find a woman therapist.
If I were you I would first check out the local community mental health facilities or clinic to see if you could get perscribed some medication your not crazy or a reject there is just a chemical imbalance thru no fault of your own. I would look into that right away when it comes to yourself your the most important & so that you can have the kind of good quality life that you truly deserve you'll need some outpatient mental health care.
Your in a very dysfunctional situation I don't know if your old enough to leave home but I would definetely look into reaching out to a trusted counselor at school or a teacher or check out some community mental health places. Lots of them are on a sliding scale basis,so you can pay as little as 5 dollars in some cases, tell them you have little or no money but go talk to someone.
I'm available for online chat, I'm female this is my real name, I just don't care.
I'm like that. But I know how it is being a part of a crazy family & having a stressful life (for lack of a better word)
Keep your head up. Listen to your favorite music,but get on the road to helping you! Unfortunately you are the only one who can.
And you have me to talk to.
Talk with you later gator.

I'm going to give you some motherly advice, not to preach, not to judge, but to give you some new thoughts to think about and consider....

The best way to help anyone is to help yourself first. So that is step one, Valerie gave you some excellent advice regarding therapy resources.

I have concerns about what you said about your best friend:

Choosing drugs over you and then she uses you to bail her out.

I don't know how far she is in the drug scene, but just based on what you said, I would offer her a listening ear only, but she needs to start bailing herself out. I would be happy to share more on this, but I want to advise you to be careful. Someone on drugs is not always thinking like a friend...they are messed up and need to get help.

I don't know why anyone wants to voluntarily kill their healthy and wonderful brain cells. Sometimes I think people need to get scared straight, spend some time in a mental hospital where people have real problems and see what they go through and then maybe she can reconsider the full weight of her choices. She could do something that could result in a lifetime of real misery and loss of her mental abilities. My own Mom was hospitalized for most of my life for schizophrenia. She would have given anything to be well and living life to the fullest.

My daughter does rapeling, zip lining, laser tag and other hobbies, like kick boxing, soccer, swimming and well a ton of things that give her a natural high..., she was involved in a group that does musicals outside of school and that led her to seeking a career in the music industry. She also donated her time to many causes...she went to Appalachia every summer as a teen and helped people in need building & repairing houses (she also helped to make quilts & baby blankets for people in rural Appalachia), she served as a camp counselor to be there for young girls and be a mentor to them. It feels good to be looked up, do something of service to others. Yes she got a degree and she is working on a career as a music artist. Would have never even considered self-medicating herself into a stupor because as many kids say, "I want to fit in or I am bored."

And she told guys straight up what was required if they wanted to date her...she did not allow guys to honk in the driveway or not look her in the eye or dress like they didn't care or swear or drink or do drugs and lots of other things. She said she didn't have time for nonsense and would not waste her time. She got her degree and she married a really great young man who bought her a house as a wedding present...he had been saving his money since he was a young kid. He got his degree at the age of 20 and has a job making more money than I did, and I had a great job.(I'm disabled now)...they even had to send an adult with him on trips because he could do the work but not "rent a car at his age". I think you need to align yourself with purposeful people who will treat you well and in turn you will feel much better about yourself and your life. I don' t know if you have a church family and before you automatically poo poo the idea, try and think of it this way...do you want to be around people who will love you for who you are? Encourage you to be your best? My daughter did not feel comfortable in my church, she found a church who had an awesome group of teens. They went on all kinds of cool trips...she made some great friends that will be there for her for a lifetime. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, I'm saying it to encourage you to feel good, to seek the very best for you starting with today. I think you need to get inspired, seek people who are inspired and want a great life...you can have that also!

A good therapist can make all the difference. You also have to be willing to be straight up honest and committed to finding a better path as well. I grew up in a large kooky family, where space and privacy came at a real premium.

I hear pain in what happened with the guy you were seeing and what happened after wards. You are a beautiful young lady and need to hold yourself and your body in the highest regard. Don't rush into a physical relationship again, you are too young to deal with all the consequences and you are still grieving over what happened in your last relationship. I am not saying this to be judgmental, just want you to value you, treat yourself with respect and realize that first you have to grow and love you that is your job. You are a priority... always, every day. I would recommend that you start a book of possibilities or a vision board for what you want your life to be, not what you will settle for or give up and take or put up with...but start setting goals for the future you want. Most guys at your age can be fun to date, but you need to expect the very best from anyone you spend time with and be especially careful about sexual intimacy...really think it over. I suspect that you were not ready and it hurt you and lowered your self-esteem. I would love to give you a big hug ---offer you support and a listening ear. The kind of anger you feel is rage. The definition of that is anger plus helplessness. I think in your heart there is a place that wants more for yourself and wants to be excited about life. So I would tell you to find help for you with anger prevention and to start planning your life...you need to turn your feeling of helplessness into hopefulness. And remember this...I know that what people say hurts, it wounds, but I want to challenge you to show them who you are, don't buy into or accept negative things peoples say. Be willing to accept responsibility for your life, You can't change what you don't acknowledge. You are special, you are precious, you are able, you can begin planning your life now. I helped my daughter find so many grants and scholarships, we did not have a lot of money, but we worked it! She even got a funny random scholarship because of her height...funniest one ever, but it was another grand towards her goal, her future, her life independent of her family and establishing herself as a person in her own right. Also try to get back to regular sleeping hours...treat yourself better, treat yourself like you are the most amazing person by eating right, getting sleep, making solid plans for yourself...I know you are going through a lot, but I went through some real craziness when I was a teen and I made some conscious decisions to have a better life and then put my intelligence to work to help me make a plan.

But first things first, try and follow through on Valerie's advice, depression is something that you can get help for and you can and will feel better if you do. You have to promise yourself that YOU ARE WORTH IT...because you absolutely are...you are your best natural resource and so worth the wonderful future you can have...you can start today to think better of yourself and treat yourself well, as a person of value. When I start thinking negatively, I stop and start over...I say good things to myself, I treat myself with love, concern, tact and respect. Not small things, the more I do it, the better I feel, sometimes in order to block the harsh negative and just plain wrong and sometimes incredibly insensitive and mean things that others can and do say...you have to feed yourself with good thoughts...the more you do it, the easier it gets, the better you will feel.

Do you want to go to college? Do you have a career in mind, something you want to do with your life? If you could take some time and consider what you want your life to be --- give it some serious contemplation it might help you. When you are in high school five years seems like a long time away...but I watched almost every one of my close friends in high school either get pregnant, get pregnant and marry or get into drugs or alcohol. Without education or job skills the marriages broke up and they found themselves raising babies on their own and really struggling.

I decided to apply my free time to what I wanted to do and researched possibilities and ideas to make that happen. I graduated from a small town high school early. I saved every nickel, dollar and dime I could to start a new life on my own. I found a way to go to school for free, I worked really hard to get & have my own place, to find friends that also had goals in mind, not just boys and parties. There is time to enjoy being young and yes, I think you should...but you have been through something already that is tearing you up inside. Allow yourself time to heal and get support from a therapist to get you on the right path!

I am praying for you and sending you a big hug..............A Mom who thinks you are very special and so WORTH the very best in life.