Loneliness Support Group

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New Friend Not so Great

Lily61
Lily61
Have you ever made an effort to make a new friend, only to find out the new friend is not so great? I made friends with someone who is okay in small doses, but has become domineering and sometimes mean (name calling).

It might not be so hard to disconnect in another situation, but the person works at the same company. My co-workers and I go to break, and he invites himself to join us. Then proceeds to dominate the conversation, and expects everyone to shut up and listen to him.

He seems to start of the conversations by making fun of me. If I try to lighten up the conversation and joke around, he calls me rude, mean, dysfunctional, etc. I don't think I'm being any of those things. If I wanted to be mean or rude, I'd tell him not to join us for break.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can limit contact without being brutally honest and completely destroying the friendship? Again, he seems okay and has an enjoyable sense of humor - but only when the interactions are more infrequent.
peterthegreat
peterthegreat
I have friends like that before.I realized they are not my real friend.A true friend should be supportive.
hangin0n
hangin0n
This guy sounds like a dysfunctional Meanie himself. Too bad you work with him. You ask whether you should be honest with him? First be honest with yourself. Is this guy someone you would wish on one of us? Why yourself? How much do you like him? And can you trust him? Tell him you don't appreciate the disrespect. Tell him he can tell jokes but not about you. Point out the rudeness in his own behavior-with tact, of course. No one likes to be slammed. (Then you'll have an enemy, much less no friend.). Just imagine you were in his shoes and you thought the other guy thought it was funny. Give him the benefit of the doubt, but put yourself first. You shouldn't put up with behavior that you experience to be disrespectful. I agree with the other post. A real friend is supportive. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
that is not a friend, and it is not a friendship, he is a jerk, tell him that you are not friends and if he calls you names are continues to be a jerk, that you will report him to management.

Friends treat each other much better than that
Lily61
Lily61
I agree this is not the type of behavior that a "friend" exhibits. It is only lately that he has behaved this way. In prior conversations, he has been quite understanding, enjoyable to talk to, etc. We have some similar interests and a similar sense of humor.

Anyway, you are all probably right. I have been doing my best to avoid him. I have considered asking him if he realizes how his behavior comes across to me. But I have a difficult time believing that the talk would be well received.

Thanks for your input.
deleted_user
deleted_user
ok, why the $%# would you even want to see this person in moderation? he sounds like a total jacka$$!

he just calls you rude, mean and dysfunctional for no reason what-so-ever?

by all means, destroy the friendship....
deleted_user
deleted_user
Personally hun I would tell him where to go. He sounds like the kind of person you really don't want to know. How can he call you those things when he himself is rude and domineering. Tell him he is being rude, etc and that you don't want him in your group if he doesn't clean up his behaviour.
I am afraid there is no polite way to tell someone like that. You just have to tell him. And if it gets really bad you will just have to go to your boss.

Hugggsssssssss Kim xxxx
Lily61
Lily61
I just found out that this friend had been given some very bad news from the doctor. He has a serious disease. It's not terminal, but it is potentially life-threatening, and it will have a big impact on his life. Not to excuse his mean behavior, but I understand why he suddenly didn't want to joke around and was saying that I was mean or dysfunctional when I was trying to be funny. I guess he just was not in a joking mood.
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