Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
All I get offered is sex, when what I crave is intimacy.
I want someone to know me, but the guys I date seem to think that intimacy means sex. I can't find even one who understands that intimacy involves getting to know someone on a much deeper level. I have sex partners but am never really intimate with them, it makes the sex so empty and fake, but my partners think it's great. They love my physical abilities but have no interest in really knowing me.
Sex without intimacy makes me lonelier than being alone. Honestly, masturbation is preferable, but the guys I meet think sex without emotional attachment is wonderful. It's made me incredibly sad.
I want someone to know me, but the guys I date seem to think that intimacy means sex. I can't find even one who understands that intimacy involves getting to know someone on a much deeper level. I have sex partners but am never really intimate with them, it makes the sex so empty and fake, but my partners think it's great. They love my physical abilities but have no interest in really knowing me.
Sex without intimacy makes me lonelier than being alone. Honestly, masturbation is preferable, but the guys I meet think sex without emotional attachment is wonderful. It's made me incredibly sad.
I know this is going to come off a little blunt, so I apologize in advance. If they have no interest in knowing you, whose fault is that? You are either sleeping with the wrong type of man or your depression (sorry, I looked at your profile) is taking the spark out of you. Get fired up. Do exciting things, be an exciting person. Us men want love too. Be someone they want to love.
ps; if you look at my profile I have a stone photo like your avatar. I think you will like it.
take care.
when i am not avoiding relationships, i am in bad ones. not necessarily horrible - just not the right ones. sometimes i will try to be in a relationship with someone that i know is not THE one. there is something about him that will be a deal breaker in the end. i can pretend that something isn't there or that it isn't that bad, but at some point that something will matter.
nolaguy, you make it sound like someone can just snap out of it (depression). maybe you can do that, but it is not that easy for everyone. everyone's situation and biochemistry is different.
I suggest to anyone in a relationship that is losing intimacy to spend time away from your spouse just to see how much you miss them and I will almost be willing to be once you give this space you will see the intimacy come back into your relationship. I also suggest finding new things to do together and discover together and make date night a requirement.
I think the answer for those who want intimacy but are finding Mr. Right Now (there are plenty of those) is to find intimacy within yourself (not with yourself ) and find out what you want in a guy and if you believe the guy you want actually does exist in this lifetime. You might have to make a few tweeks to the fantasy man you create in your mind.
I think for those with depression no matter what the cause.....you have to force yourself to get out and find things to create your own happiness. I don't believe you can just snap out of it but you do not have to dwell in it. I speak from experience because I do deal with depression and I absolutely hate sitting around feeling sorry for myself when I can find much better things to do for myself :-) The only limits you have are the ones you set for yourself.
you wrote "I know when you are with your SO or a spouse and you are in the newly wed period no matter if you are married or not then this is only one stage of the relationship. Once you stay around each other for so long nothing is really very intimate anymore. You know just about everything about each other and the routine becomes mundane. "
I know that intimacy can not be found in the early stage of a relationship - intimacy begins to develop once you DO know everything about your partner. THAT is when the love begins to deepen and the relationship starts to become intimate.
I think in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship most people are more focus on the sex than on developing any intimacy.
I don't believe a routine becomes mundane, a routine is what I crave. I don't want to constantly be surprised by my partner - I dislike surprises to begin with. I long for the ability to know someone so well I can predict what they will do or say. That is intimacy.
I understand fully what you desire and sometimes my verbal does not convey exactly what I would like to say. My Personal view is when you do get to know someone fully and in an intimate way that is not sexual then you have nothing else to learn about them and in a lot of situations I see couples become bored with their relationship because they know everything they need to know about each other and while it is comforting and welcoming there is the fact that a lot of couples try role playing games to gain the spark back when all they really have to do is reconnect with how they feel about each other and what brought them together in the first place.
I myself do not consider the honeymoon period strictly a sexual period even though I know there is that large element to it. It's when you are still getting to know each other on a deeper level so you can be intimate on two different levels (mentally and physically) and that is just my opinion :-).
I understand fully about the suprise thing and how you need a routine but to me it sounds like you need control over what happens to you and I believe a healthier way for you to do this may be to start when you have a conversation with a guy and do not allow it to become sexual until you have been intimate with each other the way you would like it to be and start it off as a friendship that has a potential for more. This will most likely keep a lot of the ones who just want sex at bay :-)
The unfortunate part is nolaguy is right about guys. Guys consider sex as sex and consider this being intimate. I think they simply want to fix your issues and get on with the show because they do not understand you and find your issues are simple to fix but they do not work like us women in the emotional department. The one thing I disagree with is you can't just turn into someone they want to love but being someone you love will get you what you desire.
:)