Sweetie, wait a minute...I mean I can't imagine that an entire church full of people would be cruel, but even if they were, is the best solution to make up imaginary friends rather than finding a nicer church to attend?

I feel the same way, we had a family reunion over Christmas and I was surrounded by siblings and nieces, nephews, grand nieces & nephews, parents, I was blown away by how alone I've been feeling for years when I have all of this family, we are just scattered and everyone is busy with their own lives. I have real anxiety and fear about going out and about and so it makes it worse, I've had so many bad experiences from settling for lousy company rather than just keeping to myself. You mentioned situational depression as opposed to chemical depression. I've never heard of this but it makes sense, when I am in a good situation I am not sad and down, but for most part I am so isolated and lonely that it's a catch 22. I'm just venting, I'm trying to "stay in the solution and not in the problem" but I keep coming back to having major anxiety attacks about feeling alone and isolated and too damn afraid to get out and do anything about it, I can't take this anymore. Thx for listening, I hope things get better for you, Valerie

I know how you fill. I always been a loner. Every since I was a child I would create a world in my head and go there in a difficult situation. I think people call it day dreaming. It kind of a self defense thing for your brain. So if having imaginary friend helps you to cope, so be it. I fill depression sneaking on me from time to time as well. A lot of my friends are marriage and it seems like a wall keep growing between as. I understand family puts a lot of presser on the person, but still friends should be friends. I know people can be very cruel and judge you all the time. I would recommend to volentire in a homeless shelter, there is no judgment there, just people who need help. Just know that you are not alone. There are other people like you in this cruel world.

Sorry to hear you have mental illness throughout your family, many of us do. I don't speak to any relatives because it is healthier for me not to - maybe you could feel blessed not to be expected to be part of their lives?
I am glad to hear your depression is situational and not clinical, this means you can treat it yourself versus having to get on medication. But I am sorry to hear you are in a bad situation right now - as you pointed out tho it will change so all you have to due is prepare yourself for that change. Since you are/were a churchgoing type person maybe you could begin by replacing the church you left with a healthier one. That would do a lot towards easing your loneliness. You know you don't have to be alone if you don't want to be. I'm sure there are churches that would welcome you with open arms. Good luck in your search.