Well my kitty Sunshine just got in...By the way.. she brought me a new little birdy friend.. I freaked out on her. And made her drop the bird. He's still alive but barley holding on.. struggling to breathe. He started flying around into walls and landed on my couch.. I dont know what to do.. He perched onto a thumtack on the wall....

Hi girly. I'm sorry hear you're having a rough time. I have been spending a lot of time alone lately and it is so difficult to feel alone. I really think it's the worst feeling in the world. My boyfriend left me because of my severe depression...he couldn't deal with it. We were supposed to live together but I am guessing that's never going to happen now. So I live with my mom and we have a difficult relationship...to say the least. I lost my grandmother three years ago this September and we were very close. I also don't know my father. I have a few friends that I consider close but they aren't close enough to talk to about what I'm going through (so I guess they aren't really close friends?) Another difficult realization. I often feel unwanted, unloved, and just really down on myself right now. Transitioning after high school is difficult. I remember it as a really painful time but I promise you are going to get through it! I just graduated from college and I am struggling to make that transition. Hang on babe, things will get better. We have to believe it or how else can we get through the day? Hugs! Much love. I'm here if you ever need to talk.

I'm defiantly like you in a lot of ways I'll just be sitting around my house and my mind will suddenly wonder of how alone I am and that feeling just sucks. Sorry to hear about your grandpa though. But I'm the same with you too when it comes to high school, I graduated this year too and now I don't even know what to do with myself since I don't exactly have any friends either. Whenever I get all confused with life I go pretty much mute as well. I know the feeling of being alone sucks but there are people here who can relate what your going through and want to help each other out. Been going to a therapist myself for a few months so I can relate with you that it does help going. But if you ever want to talk about all this or anything I'll be here.

I`m actually really surprised that i miss highschool. I couldn't stand it. Well It wasn't until I dropped out and then went to a learning center that I actually did good and enjoyed it. Like i've been through alot, and i'm sure so many people can relate to. But getting through all of it. I thought made me a stronger person but now I'm just so confused. I dont know what to do with myself or my life. During highschool I always had some kind of plan. And now I just am so lost.. I feel just so.. I dont even know how to explain how I feel. The main people in my life, are pretty much my support team, wich includes, my rec therapist, my two options workers [Options is an organization that provides services and youth care workers, stuff like that] Once i turned 19 back in March, I had lost my social worker, and youth worker, and other services that supported me. And as each day goes by, I almost feel as if i'm losing more and more.. I want to so badly go get a job, But i struggle with doing that because of my hair pulling, I won't apply anywhere where you have to wear a hat or hairnet or anything like that because of the way i do my hair to cover it up. And that alone limits all the jobs that would be hiring me, Seeing as I dont have much experience, And Im extremely shy, Like i go mute. EVen in thereapy.. If my therepist says somthing, that I dont want to talk about or somthing I have difficulty answering, I freeze up and can't talk.. I've been like that to my Mom and other people.. I get so scared that if I'm working, and someone critisizes me I will freeze up, or if someone says somthing to me that I dont agree with.. And I know that if i do go out and work, I could possibly make friends but its so hard... I have gone out and handed out resumes and have gone to interviews at places that i've thought about working at.. But they never hire me.
Also at the same time I want to go to college, and get an education. I was awarded a $500 bursary from my learning center to go towards my education, and I would love to use it. But I struggle with applying myself, and getting out there.. I dont want to hide all couped up in my house.. It's annoyingly lonely.. I feel like I could be doing more to not feel like this.. But I dont know what.. I think that maybe If I had more friends.. and then thats where this vicious circle starts over again. Its hard for me to make friends...


Thanks for the support.. Its very reassuring to know I'm not the only one to struggle with things.. Sometimes I think, that just that reassurance itself is what gets me through some days...Just knowing someone out there.. Is feeling the same way..

Yeah it does help a lot knowing someone or groups of people feel the same as you do, its really reassuring. As for your job situation I thought the same way exactly, I was afraid that I would freeze up if someone got mad at me at work and I was just afraid in general I would freeze up. I ended up working at a UPS store for 10 months and found that the more I was forced to deal with people at my job the more I got comfortable with it. Life is full of things that we don't want to do but sometimes when we are forced to deal with an issue you find out it was all just in your head and that you are actually good at talking with people. Especially with me, I come up with all these reasons why im not good enough, not a good person but when I am forced to get into a situation where i face my own negative thought i find out that im an alright person. I definatly get the feeling that its hard for me to make friends too, but you know what I bet we are both good at being friends we just have to kick ourselves to get out there

Iv'e joined this group that my Recreational Therapist holds, My two youth workers also attend sometimes which is good. Its called Clubhouse Without Walls. So I'm hoping maybe i'll be able to meet some people through that. They hold it throughout the summer to provide structure since school is out, and to provide a positive atmosphere for people to socialize and have fun and take their minds off things. The first thing they had, I was the only girl there, and I felt kind of awkward, so I'm hoping next week, there are some girls I could meet. But yeah, I definetly think this would benefit me. And my two workers help me by driving me places and help me set up appointments, which helps a lot.

hi homey- iev had a crap weekend - but i had my lovely son with me- you put it all in a nutshell- now that you have left high school- you are without structure.
i dont mean to be dramatic but when i was younger i went down hill fast in this situation - well- down hill slowly and gradually actually- and i urge you to find some structure any way you can.
if i were you id get a job- any job- to keep you busy- money is irrelevant. the bigger the place you work in- the more people it employs= the better the chance of you meeting people.
i had a really crap job as a hospital cleaner- ended up being the happiest and most stablest ive felt because i met some friends there- took a while- but the vaidation it brings you is priveless- you start to feel like a normal person and not a recluse or an outcast.

there is voluntary work or jobs- you n eed to do what ever you can to get some structure into your days- without this its going to be too hard to cloing onto sanity.

everyone needs structure- its not just you- but it seems like you are on your own without family support and you will need to get into some kind of work and rest routine- too much time on your hands is really danmgerous!

you said you dont know what to do with yourself- it doesnt matter what you do- as long as its something-
just find any old course/job/volunteer placement as you will need to be doing something with your life. it doesnt have to be a career plan. life changing goal.
isnt there further education courses you can enrol on?
sounds like you needa full time thing really.
i spent many a loney hour in my youth- and if i had my time again- the one thing i would do differently was to have just got myself out there a bit more. i think sometimes when you get lonely you also suffer from low self esteem- and its dificult to get yourself out there and join things- you feel as though your face wont fit etc. i had friends who just went out and did stuff and i didnt- thats the one major things id change change if i got to do it again.
its such a waste- try to find a little goal to work towards- with me its making crafts to sell on a craft stall- i find these things hold me together- without something to focus on id be lost.
hang in there- dont lose the plot

Yeah I would definetly say I have very low, if any self esteem. I suffer from Trichoatillomania, which is compulsice hair pulling. My whole top half of my head is almost completyly bald. I just started styling my hair different with hair peices on, and penciled in my eyebrows. Everytime I'm out, I'm constantly worring if people can tell if my hairs fake, or that i draw on my eyebrows, and im constantly worring that my hair is gonna slip and someone will see a spot. I wont get a job that mean i have to wear a hat or hairnet, that limits alot. I'm just always so afraid that people will find out and judge me or make fun of me.. I wouldnt be able to handle that.. Im in no place to deal with that kind of stuff on my own.. speically now.. I would freak out or get depressed.. depending on the situation, who, how,where. IT's something I struggle with Daily. For hours at a time.. I mean its been 8 years, but I'm just starting to now accept it as a part of me.. one of many flaw, But this one I need to change. SOmetimes i wont leave the house because i think i look bad..