I miss that feeling of lightning up when you see that special person. I know how that feels. I haven't experienced that in so long. I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

I know what you mean more than you think and i definitely understand.

The last time i was married was almost 16 years ago and the last time i was on a date was almost 12.

Todays world is not conducive for finding someone to marry or even date anymore. So many just want the one and done style dating that in a huge way actually damages the psyche and they don't even realize it.

I hope that once Jesus finishes rebuilding me into a man worthy of a woman that will stay with me for the rest of my life that he will bring someone in my life. It is hard to wait but any relationship i have needs to be the one he wants for me. Until then i keep working on myself to make myself worthy of such a gift.

I am sorry you are feeling so down and alone. It is so discouraging when we go to a therapist and we don't connect because they aren't skilled in what we need. I am sorry this therapist isn't the right one. When you say she is more like a life coach, I sure hope she is actually a licensed clinical therapist and not a life coach. There are so many life coaches nowadays and they are not licensed in any way nor able to provide mental health therapy. I am going to suggest you look for a trauma based therapy licensed clinical therapist. There is a way for you to feel alive again. Don't give up. Come back here to this forum over and over. Respond to other people's posts, just say something nice or supportive. That will start to build connections and give back to others. You have a lot to give, you have a deep caring heart. Don't give up please.

I remember a psychiatrist once told me that no two therapists are alike and if the one you currently have, doesn't seem to be helping you, then get a different one.

Also, there is one love you have easy access to, if you want it and that is love of yourself.

I get all of this (particularly the background with abuse). Please hang in there and tomorrow work on switching to a new therapist -it is totally ok to change...you must do what is best for you. There is no easy path but I know there is a better life out there for you. Can you try to set something up for yourself tomorrow that you enjoy -whatever it might be you can enjoy? Even small like a new show on tv to start or to go on a walk -or to treat yourself to dinner. Something to give yourself love as you so deserve it.

Good luck and everyone is hoping for you. Life can be hard. Have lived some decades, I've found if you work hard towards your goals you can frequently achieve them. The payback may not be immediate, you could work towards them for a period but you can successful. And the process of setting goals and working towards them can be satisfying. Don't ask do I have all that I want, but if you worked towards your goal and took positive steps in the last week.

Counseling and possibly medication is one path. I like a show called Bar Rescue.. Typically the owner is stressed and in debt, says he works 70-80 hours per week but is losing money.at his establishment. Yet when the consultant comes on, he finds many things wrong that the owner could change, bartenders are partying, the drinks are lousy because the people don't know how to make them, kitchen is dirty and understaffed, the owner may drink instead of helping to deliver orders during busy times.

For the viewer its funny, many of the solutions seems relatively obvious.
And sometimes for people who are desperate its the same, There are a lot of changes that can be made and they seem obvious to the onlooker. Interestingly the people in the group are generally those with serious depression or anxiety, and have given me many sensible suggestions, yet they have difficulty providing the same analysis and changes for themselves.

Like the old saying, the hotel guest sees more in a day than the owner sees in a year. (meaning she notices that the carpet is worn, the back wall is dirty, while the owner seems to overlook that), Sometimes getting feedback is helpful though painful in the short run.

I remember having some lack of success with some presentations and asked. First person said you did a good job don't worry, second the same, and I got much positive feedback but came across one person who said, those pauses, ah's and oh's, why didn't you prepare a little better so it would go smoothly.

Getting the feedback was a little painful but very helpful. I have a son who's been very successful, was the youngest vice-president at his Fortune 500 company and owns 2 properties, He got reasonably good but not great grades or test results. He's been very popular, and several people have said I'd like to live his life. What does he do? He asks for and gets feedback, if he doing something wrong and it could be done better, he will take criticism or advice and change because of it. Obviously not all suggestions or criticism are on target but enough is that most company solicit feedback and the good ones make changes on account of it.

Being lonely is the pits. Plus having anxiety does not help. The meds are helping tho. I still get some bad days but not like in the past. I only have a sister that I do things with and she still works so it's not very often. I help out a 90 yr old women but she gets on my nerves at times. She repeats things and one day I came home with a headache. I should tell you I did not have my hearing aid since mine broke and I was waiting on a new one. She speaks low and it's hard to hear her. I will remind her about the hearing aid but she goes back to talking low.
There isn't much of anything to do in a small town. I have gone to the movies by myself. I go out to eat and this coming Friday I am going to a school play. Just wish I had someone to do these things with. I cry and I pray for a decent man to come into my life. Thought I had one but found out that was not the case.
How do people have friends? I do have a couple but I only go visit them since one is in pain a lot & the other one is a aunt of mine who is 80 yrs old now. I'm 66 now it's lonely at this age. Wish I had more advice but I don't. Guess I'm looking for some too. Take care!

I can only say that being alone can be better than a tough relationship. I've been happily married for over 30 years but recently my wife developed serious anxiety and depression. Now I can't go out, and am basically homebound. Definitely wouldn't mind some alone time and just the ability to go where I want.

You're not dead Anna. I feel the exact same way! At least you have a semi-professional (therapist) you can talk to. I feel no one on this planet gives a shit about me. As an only child I lived more than 30 years totally happy loving every ounce of myself. It wasn't until I got married at age 35 and then lost him did I feel the true heartbreaking pain of loneliness.....no pain compares...not even grief

Thank you all for writing and for your thoughtful and heartfelt responses. That means so much to me. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I've not been feeling well so I've been having some trouble keeping up with correspondence, email and the like. You have given me such wonderful ideas and advice. But most of all, just letting me know you know how this feels. It makes me feel less alone to know there are other people who feel the same although of course i'm sorry you are suffering in this way. Yes, I agree, it's one of the worst ways to suffer. This is the best place for me to come to feel like I belong to a community and have connection and support. Thanks so much.

I resonate greatly with you and I feel same way. Will be 30 years old this year, and I cry in my closet from loneliness. So far away from my family and few friends, and I don't bother to talk about my pains to them anymore because no matter how much I talk, nobody really understands how I feel. I just smile on camera, but cry my heart out in secret. I do hope there's a way out of this because it's so overwhelming.

Just checking up on you Anna...how are things?