Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
Hey guys maybe you can give me some advice. I'm starting to think that my dad is to blame for my loneliness and me being alone. Let me try to explain the best I can.
For the past 10 or so years my relationship with my dad has been going down hill faster and faster. It relates to how he treats my mom and other women. First let me say he treats my mom like total crap which pisses me off, some of the things he does are just wrong in my opinion, but I guess he sees nothing wrong with it.
For one whenever we are in a public place and a good looking woman passes by he'll stare at her for a longtime, basically till she's out of view of us. Now I can see just taking a glance as a natural male reaction to seeing a good looking woman, but what he does is absurd and annoying. He'll even do this when my mom is with us. So I'm basically embarrassed to go out in public with him, so when he asks me to go some place with him I'll just say no and won't tell him why.
Another thing is he won't help my mom with house work except laundry and half the time he'll only do his own, I end up doing mine and my mom's on my day off. I'm talking cleaning up after himself, dishes, etc. He's a slob, but see I'm a neat freak because I work a maintenance job and I like everything clean or at least somewhat clean, but what he does is ridiculous, he won't do anything.
Also he always gives my mom attitude and acts like an 18 year old, like he's having a temper tantrum. I've actually gotten in verbal arguments with him over how he talks to her. He's not physically abusive thank God, and if he was he'd be in the hospital courtesy of me.
And lastly, he goes out drinking with his co-workers, which I don't see anything wrong with, but there are female co-workers, and I just don't trust the bastard to be screwing around because of the way he acts towards my mom and how he treats other women like sex objects. He's also gotten bad drunk at least once a year doing this and my mom keeps forgiving him, then a year later after he says he'll stop, guess what? He comes home wasted again. I remember one time I was so pissed at him because I was actually happy that night, and he ruined it by coming home very, very drunk, and my mom had to restrain me from beating him senseless.
I don't know what to do, its a miracle really that I have the respect for women that I do, and if you read my intro topic you know I do...But I am starting to lose some respect for my mom, she seems to just turn a blind eye to all of it, I mean she gets mad at him at times, but sometimes I just wish she would throw his worthless ass out, I told her I'd take care of her if need be. But he makes the most money so he has the power so she keeps him.
But back to him to blame for my loneliness/being alone, I never go out in public with my parents because of him and the embarrassment, I never wanted to bring a girl home because of him. I just think I need to move out on my own soon, hopefully as soon as I find a career job now that I'm out of college. I just feel bad for my mom, once I move out she's alone with him and his crap.
I'm writing this because he told me he's going out tonight with his co-workers and I don't think he even told my mom about it which I think is wrong if he didn't, and why does he feel he needs to tell me and not my mom? She works nights too so he could go out after work and be home before her and she wouldn't even know. But he goes and tells me about it...
I just need your thoughts and advice please, sorry for the long post too, but please read it through. I'm just not sure what I'll do if he comes home really drunk again and bothers me, I'm afraid I might put him in the hospital if he does. I'm a sweet guy but I have a short temper for crap like that. I'm just tired of his crap, and don't know what to do, I'd move far away if I could. I just feel for my mom.
Is it just me or does anybody else see anything wrong with what he does? I just think if I got away from him I'd be better off, I might still be alone but I still think I'd be much healthier for me to get away from him. I really have no reservations of just disowning him when I can move out on my own, but that might mean disowning my mom too. Thanks guys, I know it's long but please read. Thanks.
For the past 10 or so years my relationship with my dad has been going down hill faster and faster. It relates to how he treats my mom and other women. First let me say he treats my mom like total crap which pisses me off, some of the things he does are just wrong in my opinion, but I guess he sees nothing wrong with it.
For one whenever we are in a public place and a good looking woman passes by he'll stare at her for a longtime, basically till she's out of view of us. Now I can see just taking a glance as a natural male reaction to seeing a good looking woman, but what he does is absurd and annoying. He'll even do this when my mom is with us. So I'm basically embarrassed to go out in public with him, so when he asks me to go some place with him I'll just say no and won't tell him why.
Another thing is he won't help my mom with house work except laundry and half the time he'll only do his own, I end up doing mine and my mom's on my day off. I'm talking cleaning up after himself, dishes, etc. He's a slob, but see I'm a neat freak because I work a maintenance job and I like everything clean or at least somewhat clean, but what he does is ridiculous, he won't do anything.
Also he always gives my mom attitude and acts like an 18 year old, like he's having a temper tantrum. I've actually gotten in verbal arguments with him over how he talks to her. He's not physically abusive thank God, and if he was he'd be in the hospital courtesy of me.
And lastly, he goes out drinking with his co-workers, which I don't see anything wrong with, but there are female co-workers, and I just don't trust the bastard to be screwing around because of the way he acts towards my mom and how he treats other women like sex objects. He's also gotten bad drunk at least once a year doing this and my mom keeps forgiving him, then a year later after he says he'll stop, guess what? He comes home wasted again. I remember one time I was so pissed at him because I was actually happy that night, and he ruined it by coming home very, very drunk, and my mom had to restrain me from beating him senseless.
I don't know what to do, its a miracle really that I have the respect for women that I do, and if you read my intro topic you know I do...But I am starting to lose some respect for my mom, she seems to just turn a blind eye to all of it, I mean she gets mad at him at times, but sometimes I just wish she would throw his worthless ass out, I told her I'd take care of her if need be. But he makes the most money so he has the power so she keeps him.
But back to him to blame for my loneliness/being alone, I never go out in public with my parents because of him and the embarrassment, I never wanted to bring a girl home because of him. I just think I need to move out on my own soon, hopefully as soon as I find a career job now that I'm out of college. I just feel bad for my mom, once I move out she's alone with him and his crap.
I'm writing this because he told me he's going out tonight with his co-workers and I don't think he even told my mom about it which I think is wrong if he didn't, and why does he feel he needs to tell me and not my mom? She works nights too so he could go out after work and be home before her and she wouldn't even know. But he goes and tells me about it...
I just need your thoughts and advice please, sorry for the long post too, but please read it through. I'm just not sure what I'll do if he comes home really drunk again and bothers me, I'm afraid I might put him in the hospital if he does. I'm a sweet guy but I have a short temper for crap like that. I'm just tired of his crap, and don't know what to do, I'd move far away if I could. I just feel for my mom.
Is it just me or does anybody else see anything wrong with what he does? I just think if I got away from him I'd be better off, I might still be alone but I still think I'd be much healthier for me to get away from him. I really have no reservations of just disowning him when I can move out on my own, but that might mean disowning my mom too. Thanks guys, I know it's long but please read. Thanks.
You cannot change people if they don't want to be changed. As this is a concern of yours, I can only think that set a time to speak to your mum and dad individually. Maybe take each out for a coffee or something and ask them questions and tell them what you think and expalin what concerns you to each of them. See what each says. Hopefully, it will help you understand them and yourself better.
I fear I've lost my faith in love by living with my parents, maybe that's why I don't feel worthy of love or that it exists. They say they love each other but it's a bunch of crap, what they have isn't love, it's just surviving and putting up with each other. That's not love, they should have been divorced years ago.
My dad acts like a horny teenager, instead of being a mature man. I mean I'm half his age and I'm more mature then him, there's something wrong with that picture. Yes my mom has her flaws as well, but not to the extent of my dads.
I'd talk to my dad, but I've tried before and its like talking to a brick wall or a jackass, you can't change them like you said. Plus he never takes anything seriously, I can never have a meaningful talk with him ever. Like if I came to him about liking a women it would turn perverted in minutes, so there's no point. It's just the way he is, so I always end up talking to my mom.
Just a little story about my grandpa that keeps my faith in love alive. I want to share it because I hope it keeps others faith in love alive too. When he was dying of cancer last year, the final two weeks of his life he talked with his minister almost everyday. After he passed away the minister told us that all he talked with her about was my grandma and how she would pay the bills and keep their house after he was gone, how she would survive without him. He died poor, he was a farmer his whole life, no retirement or anything. It just amazes me that after 60 years of marriage, and when he knew he was dying, all he worried about was her and her alone, he didn't care about his cancer, just her.
That's true love there, and I hope if anybody on here like me has doubts about love being real, that's proof it is real and I hope someday we can all find that kind of love. God bless.
I don't think you can change them either but if you have questions and concerns you should be able to say so to each or together.
Your Grandpa sounded like he really cared for your Grandmother.
But like I said he's like a jackass, he's stubborn and just doesn't get it, he doesn't seem to care if he drives me or my mom away. So why should I care, I'm the type of person if you screw me once that's it, I'll write someone off that quick. So from what he's done this far it's probably too late to fix it.
But to tie him back to my loneliness, because I'm getting a bit off topic. If he didn't act that way in public, I'd go out more with my parents and be more social. If he didn't treat my mom like crap I'd probably have more faith in love and actually want to go out and meet someone, but the way they are it makes me think there's no point in finding someone and getting married. If I'll just end up like them.
It's just hard when your dad is doing the same things as you could or should be doing as a single person, like going to bars or other social places. But he's going with his buddies without his wife which I don't think is right. I wouldn't see anything wrong with it if he wasn't such a perverted womanizer, but like I said I don't trust him at all, not sure why my mom does.
He's even asked me to go drinking with him lol. I'm like I'm not going bar hopping with my dad, dumbass. Why so I can watch you check out other women? Get drunk and make a fool of yourself? Turn into you? lol, he's a joke.
If it is something weighing on you, maybe a few sessions of therapy might help you.
Even if it hasn't happened and you're 70 years old, you still could meet her at 71. It's worth the wait. It has to be. You just have to keep believing. I believe it will happen for you...and I don't think you'll have to wait until you're 71. ;-)