Hey I'm up late too- saw your post :) & I'm so sorry you're dealing with a horrible home life/illness! You sound so down- I wish I could give you a hug! I grew up with a Dad that made my life hell at times...I can relate to what you're going thru. I'm a survivor tho, & I got this far cuz I trust in the Lord to get me thru one day to the next. Even tho I'm married, that doesn't guarantee you don't get lonely! My husband & I are more like room mates these days, far as any connection!
Anyway, I'm here-if you ever want an ear to listen! :)

I've only had one bf. I feel like i am meant to be alone. I am too messed up for anyone to want to bother. All of my bros and sis have partners.
It's not a nice feeling being alone, i'm with ya.

I can relate. The last time I left the house was... over a month ago! The only time I ever leave seems to be on special occasions, which is only several times a year. I just have nowhere else to go, w/o spending money I don't have, other than that. I live in a bad neighborhood, so there's nothing local that I can go to for free.

It probably wouldn't be as bad if my situation at home was a lot nicer. I have the same problem that you had, Christine. Well, really it's the whole family, but my dad mostly. I'm hopeful that things will get better eventually though.

Talking to friends, online, really help me, Polykid. I know it's not the same as having the person be there physically, but it does have some value. Do you get along with your sisters? Are you able to go out with them and do something? Or maybe even just talk to them?