Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
This is my number-one trigger, by far. I live my life in constant fear that I will say or do something "wrong" and the people in my life will decide they don't like me any more and go away.
I try so hard to fight this by using my brain -- by telling myself this is an irrational thought, that it's my C-PTSD talking. But then...IT KEEPS HAPPENING! Again and again and again. How am I supposed to get over this fear and have any confidence in myself when people keep leaving me?
I have this problem because of my family. So a few years ago, I made a huge effort to distance myself from my family and make some new friends. And I did, or at least I thought I did. For two years, my friends and I got together every week to play cards and we socialized outside of the game. It meant the world to me.
But last year was so horrible for me -- major health problems, lost my job, money problems etc. I got more depressed and fragile with each passing month. One day I broke down sobbing in front of all my friends. I told them it was because I was tired. The real reason is because they were being cold to me that day and I was feeling very lonely (this was right before Thanksgiving) and feeling unwanted.
But they all jumped to the conclusion that I broke down crying because I wasn't winning the game! I found this out much later. And before I had a chance to explain my side of things, the weekly game was cancelled and our group is over.
So I tried to make new friends by joining another group that plays cards -- this time I have to pay. But, fine. I played with the same guy as my partner each week and I thought we were becoming friends. We went to lunch outside the game and it was nice. Then I had to miss one week and I didn't have this man's phone number, so I told the guy who ran the group. But he screwed up and my new friend thought I skipped out on him, so now he has a new partner and doesn't want to play with me anymore.
I will try and explain things to him later, but still, even if I can smooth things over with him, he has a new partner now and I can't play in this group again until I find somebody else to play with me. God knows when that will be, since I have no friends.
It happens online, too. Again and again, I think I've made a new friend but then they disappear and I'm left to wonder what I said or did wrong to drive them away.
I try so hard to be a nice person. I have my faults -- I can be insensitive and thoughtless sometimes. But never, ever in a million years would I say anything harsh or insulting or unsupportive to anyone that I care about. I never lash out in anger. But for the life of me, I cannot keep a relationship, and I don't understand why. It makes me feel like such a defective freak.
I know I should be in therapy, but I really, really cannot afford it.
I'm so sick and tired of feeling lonely and depressed. I am tired of feeling defective. I wanted so badly to have a few good years and do something with my life. I could have accomplished something with my life. But I am so tired and I don't know if I can muster up the courage to try again, knowing that I'll probably be abandoned or rejected yet again. It hurts too much.
My family doesn't like me, and I cannot keep a friend to save my life. How can I have faith that it will ever get better?
I try so hard to fight this by using my brain -- by telling myself this is an irrational thought, that it's my C-PTSD talking. But then...IT KEEPS HAPPENING! Again and again and again. How am I supposed to get over this fear and have any confidence in myself when people keep leaving me?
I have this problem because of my family. So a few years ago, I made a huge effort to distance myself from my family and make some new friends. And I did, or at least I thought I did. For two years, my friends and I got together every week to play cards and we socialized outside of the game. It meant the world to me.
But last year was so horrible for me -- major health problems, lost my job, money problems etc. I got more depressed and fragile with each passing month. One day I broke down sobbing in front of all my friends. I told them it was because I was tired. The real reason is because they were being cold to me that day and I was feeling very lonely (this was right before Thanksgiving) and feeling unwanted.
But they all jumped to the conclusion that I broke down crying because I wasn't winning the game! I found this out much later. And before I had a chance to explain my side of things, the weekly game was cancelled and our group is over.
So I tried to make new friends by joining another group that plays cards -- this time I have to pay. But, fine. I played with the same guy as my partner each week and I thought we were becoming friends. We went to lunch outside the game and it was nice. Then I had to miss one week and I didn't have this man's phone number, so I told the guy who ran the group. But he screwed up and my new friend thought I skipped out on him, so now he has a new partner and doesn't want to play with me anymore.
I will try and explain things to him later, but still, even if I can smooth things over with him, he has a new partner now and I can't play in this group again until I find somebody else to play with me. God knows when that will be, since I have no friends.
It happens online, too. Again and again, I think I've made a new friend but then they disappear and I'm left to wonder what I said or did wrong to drive them away.
I try so hard to be a nice person. I have my faults -- I can be insensitive and thoughtless sometimes. But never, ever in a million years would I say anything harsh or insulting or unsupportive to anyone that I care about. I never lash out in anger. But for the life of me, I cannot keep a relationship, and I don't understand why. It makes me feel like such a defective freak.
I know I should be in therapy, but I really, really cannot afford it.
I'm so sick and tired of feeling lonely and depressed. I am tired of feeling defective. I wanted so badly to have a few good years and do something with my life. I could have accomplished something with my life. But I am so tired and I don't know if I can muster up the courage to try again, knowing that I'll probably be abandoned or rejected yet again. It hurts too much.
My family doesn't like me, and I cannot keep a friend to save my life. How can I have faith that it will ever get better?
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
Thank you so much for being so sweet and supportive. And you are right...I know deep down those people were never my true friends, and there's a small consolation in that. But for a long time I did think they were my close friends, and besides, they were all I had. So it really hurts to have lost them and be all alone again, and then to start making a new friend and lose him, too...it's just too much.
You're right that I have to learn to love my own company. I am trying to accept being alone and this is how it's going to be for awhile. It's hard, though. The loneliness is suffocating, sometimes.
I'm sorry you have abandonment and rejection issues, too. I guess a lot of us here have those issues and that's a big part of why we're lonely in the first place.
Thank you again.
real friends will understand and talk to you about miunderstandings
Nocturne, I get where you're coming from, though I personally don't believe our suffering is part of some grand plan -- other than the fact that pain is an inevitable part of life that we all must go through sometimes. But it does seem like some of us (mainly the ones who come from really dysfunctional families and/or have been abused) get a disproportionally large share of pain. That's so unfair, and maybe it helps to believe there is a larger reason or a grand plan. But my personal feeling is, people like us just got very unlucky and it's up to us to turn our luck around.
loony1, you have some really great suggestions there, thanks. I have read some books on CBT and have been trying to work on that without the benefit of a therapist. It is helping; believe it or not I used to be much worse.
annette, you are right. I need to move on and not worry so much what others think. Thank you so much for the support.
Sara, you're right, it wasn't my fault and I'm sorry if I was being a baby about it, but like I said, this is a huge trigger for me. Losing my other friends hurt so badly, I'm still not over it. And then I started making a new friend and it seemed like I was finally starting to heal and then BOOM, the new friend goes away because I did something "wrong". It's like a nightmare that keeps repeating. But I can fight this with my rational brain.
And I agree that too many people are fickle. It's hard to understand why.
Thank you all for your kindness and support. It means a lot to me.
It is my belief some ctivities and some groups are more loner-related than others. (And have more loners IN them.)
Next thing I want to say: I've in recent years started attending the photography club here. One or two of the ppl seem not, by nature, mixers. Are not as comfortable in larger groups....
One in particular IMO has a certain kind of shyness. One of the best photographers we have, J.F. nevertheless will seem a little a bit insecure. If at loose ends in a room of 60 ppl.
I'm a sensitive person ("HSP") and my lifestyle is hermit-like; have been poor most of my life. But we R gradually building a friendship. I hope. Down deep we each have an uncertainty -- feeling not sure about fitting in. So we have art-photography in common yes, and there is certain kind of introversion we share.
I don't understand why you said you don't have much time leflt.
And are helped to find others. If I meet someone (quiet) and he invites me to his mediation class, who knows/something may follow from there
. Cleb
I agree with this totally. And, most of the time, it's all about the other person's ego, about power -- people will treat you badly just to have something to talk about, or to try to impress someone. It's more common for people to remain 'forever 14', than not.
The domino effect happens a lot with groups. As someone above commented, plenty of fickle people. If I like someone, the only person who can get me to dislike him/her is that person.
You don't have to give up on finding a good friend, but if you're sick and tired of doing all the work and getting nothing but criticized -- the world is a big place. Find things you enjoy, and pursue them, on your own.
And I can relate to being misunderstood. Lately to be truthful, I just don't care because it takes so much energy to explain myself. If people do not know that I have the best intentions, I give up.
I just read an article by Martha Beck about being your own best friend. And it made me realize that people who I thought were my friends were not. And the person I need to be friends with is me.
You are in my thoughts and you are not alone.
Pinterest, Thank you for the support and the hug. I tried to hug you back but the site wouldn't let me because we are not "friends." So here you go: ***HUG***
Koyu, Thank you so much, and like you, I also feel sick and tired of being misunderstood and trying to explain myself. You're right -- it's exhausting. If my friends are jumping to the worst conclusions about me, they are not my true friends, anyway. But it still hurts. Honestly I think I am re-enacting cr*p from my family. You're right that it begins with being our own best friend.