I don't know if I force myself to be alone but more like I allow myself to be alone. It is safer because I have no worries about being rejected and judged plus it is easier than to have to explain to someone how and why I 'm the person I am today. I really don't know how to overcome this because my self esteem is shot so badly I have settled into the mindset who would want me so why bother to make the effort to.

I feel the same way. Thats why i joined this support group.We are scared to be in situations where we can just live and not be alone. Here's my advice to you....dont harp on the the opportunities you missed out on. It will only make you more depressed. Live life day by day step by step. Glory in the pleasant moments life offers. These precious moments might not be big but still brings you that needed smile. My precious moments are when me and mother laugh or my brother or sister say or do something sweet like make a picture. The reason why I force myself to be alone is because I am afraid of my own shadow. I dont trust myself or what I have to offer but I am working through it. Trust me... you will get through this. Try pushing yourself into situations where you have to be social and live a little. I know it sounds dumb but I joined the yearbook commitee at my school and I have to be social because i have sell ads to businesses as a grade. So that defintely made me have to open up and talk. lolx Just try different outlets. You will find that over time you have a lot more to offer this world than you ever believed before.:)

I don't force myself to be alone, but on the other hand it is a risk to be with others at times as I feel I am exposing myself to possible rejection. And this is the conflict. Staying at home alone can lead to loneliness, yet being with others can lead to rejection and pain.

I am in the same boat. Ever since my divorce 2yrs ago, the only thing I do is spending my weekends alone at home. I never go out, too many fears and low self-esteem. I have a couple of friends that suggest I go out to a bar and meet people...my response is, why would I want to go to a bar...drunk people that are funny are usually jerks when sober and vice versa. Why do so many think that drinking is an answer? I would like to find something to do outside of the home, just too fearful of so many things.

I chose to be alone an awful lot for many years, and sometimes I still go through a big chunk of the year wanting my solitude again. Recently I read some simple advice.

Try this:
- ask one or two friends to push you to be more active socially. This might mean they'll invite you to go out more in a group or just one-on-one, but with this, also:
- make a deal with yourself that your decision is made up ahead of time -- this makes it easier on yourself to just kind of follow a new "rule" rather than allow the option to choose being alone. Make a list of things you might be asked to join -- go to the movies, get a cup of coffee, go for a walk or a jog... Just whatever you enjoy and know usually brings a smile to your face! :) (a walk or jog is like a bonus, getting some blood pumping and using up some energy will you give you even more energy and release the feel-good adrenaline and stuff) ((I can't say I always say yes to that invite myself, but we can try!))

If you have an understanding and supportive friend that you really trust to keep at it and continuously get you out in the world, then maybe you won't have as much time to be alone and feel bad about what you've been missing.

I hope something works for you, everyone's suggestions are great.
Good luck!

i see where it might seem easy to take the safer road, after all many of us have been hurt bad and that can easily make us have trust issues. pushing yourself to get out and do more, be more active is a good thing as long as it doesnt create other problems, as in adding a great deal of extra stress and anxiety.

i sometimes have quite severe anxiety, id rather be alone when i get this way than be around pple that dont understand or care. pple use to say to me, oh get out and meet pple rather than be alone all the time, they dont get it at all, they have pple in their life, they dont need to try and find new friends. most pple are jerks wearing a mask that hides the real person, not worth the time and energy, let alone the anxiety. i sound like a cynic, i am, but i realize too, there are still some good pple in the world. they are just difficult to find.

it may help to overcome this by taking an evening class in something of interest to ya. or take up a hobby where you go to class once a week. perhaps an art class, or fitness class. you may find pple with similar interests and also be learning something new as well. dont push yourself too much. just do the best you can everyday thats all any of us can do. best wishes.

I feel the same way...I seem to be at war with myself. I don't want to be alone...but don't want to take the risk to put myself out there. My self esteem is very low..and when I don't get invited to functions or whatever...I take it personal. So..it's easier to stay within my comfort zone and exlcude myself. So...I was talking to my therapist about this and here is my homework. In a couple of weeks...I am going to a kick boxing camp. I always have mixed emotions because I always end up sticking out like a sore thumb..but yet I sign up year after year. I see people that have only an online friendship become the best of buds..yet I cannot connect with a single sole. Last year..although I tried and reached out way past my comfort zone...there was a couple of nights where I drove to a local restaurant and ate by myself. So...this year I am supposed to come up with different ways to try to "fit " in or at least develop some friendships. LOL

I figure I know some of the gals/guys already so make it a point to ask where they are going for dinner and ask if I can join.

find some people on my team..and do the same...

I hope I can do this or else it will be another lonely camp for me...and will probably end up watching tv in the hotel room after each day's acitivities.