Hi there, I am 27 and separating from my husband, so you aren't the only 20 something in this situation. Neither one of us cheated, there were just a lot of issues.. my husband basically just doesn't want to be my husband anymore. I can't say I understand your point of view but I can understand that you are in pain and I am glad that you are getting help.

Anyway, I guess I'm just trying to say that you aren't alone and that I commend you for reaching out.

There is a support group on DS for people who have committed adultery and are trying to repair the damage.

I believe it is called Cheaters Anonymous. You likely won't get bashed there.

I commend you for trying to repair the damage you've done. I wish you well, but there are many here who whose spouses cheated during the marriage so some may not be as welcoming.

Good luck with your therapy.

My husband cheated and I do not think kindly of him. Because of him I am a single mom after over 25 years of marriage. YOU however admit to wrongdoing and want to change. I applaud you. I think the basic problem most cheaters have is they do NOT believe that what they did was wrong (he/she wasn't there for me, etc) or would matter to anyone in a significant way. You are young. You can learn new tricks. There is a site, someone already mentioned, cheaters anonymous. Please try it. Monogomy is difficult for many. You married young. Take time now for yourself and do not rush into any, exclusive relationship. Have you apologized profusely and done whatever is in your control to make things easier on your stbx? You didn't say if she was faithful or not. That could affect your attitude. Believe me- I feel for your WIFE, but because you are reaching out I wish you good luck on re-inventing yourself.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/outofthefog

Those two groups might be helpful for you. Good luck

bg, It's not a bad idea to go ahead with the divorce support group because then you kinda get to see the other side of it,what happens to the ones who were cheated on. I'm not judging you. Have you asked your class facilitator if he/she thinks that you should or should not continue with that group ? If you're going but don't feel like you're getting anything positive out of it, then I'd consider something else. Looks like some of the suggestions that other ppl. here have made would be worth a try. Wishing you success with this.

I have to argue with you. You say that you are not a victim.

but, actions have caused you pain, that undermines you and causes you to not be able to relate to others.

You are a victim of your own misdeeds!

My EX cheated on me. I don't condone it, but what is done is done. Relationships and how we deal with them are very complicated things. To judge you as a bad person simply because of a mistake (one you obviously regret I might add)... well, it says more about the person doing it than you.

You made mistakes. So what? How much self imposed punishment will you endure before you have "paid" for that crime? What good will come from that? Will this self abuse, and the harsh words of others, even inferred make you a better person, less likely to do it in the future?

No, it will actually make it MORE likely. Getting to the root of WHY is the answer. My thought on the subject is to not allow others to talk down to you, or judge you. Reject it, move on, be happy. In the scheme of things it is a very miner thing.

You are who you choose to be.

Hello, welcome to the site. I like many that have posted here was a "victim" of a cheating and abusive husband. I do not hold you personally accountable for anything and believe that you also need support. The name of this area is "Life After Divorce" and that is what you are dealing with. Everyone has problems, and everyone is on any end of issues. I can sense from your post that you are feeling very raw right now and there are some wonderful people out there to support you. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to get to know yourself more. Find out for your own sense of peace why you did the things in your marriage that you did. Also do this for the future relationships as to not repeat any distructive behaviors. And finally, be kind to yourself, acknowledge what has happened and why, and then forgive yourself. I speak t you from the other end of the issue, let her heal and you do so as well. I sometimes think it is harder for the cheating person because not only are you dealing with the pain and loss, you probably have the guilt as well. Be honest with your emotions and with your support sources. Your youth has nothing to do with anything, pain is pain at whatever age. I wish you luck and strength.