Life After Divorce Support Group

This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.

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X's relatives

startingover1865
startingover1865
OK. How do you "let go" when there is constantly more pain? My mother-in -law. (Oops, I forgot to say "X") cannot even talk to me anymore and vise versa. We used to be so close,(I have known her for almost 30 years!) but she cannot admit to herself (or me) that her boy had behaved badly to me and continues to do so, and won't support his children properly. I miss her. My mother died a few years ago, so it is especially hurtful to lose her friendship as well. I also just received notice from his mother( left a phone message she would call and then just emailed the news!) that my only nephew (my x's side of the family)will not be inviting me to his wedding. I might have declined, bcause the gf will be there, but he should have spoken to me about it and left the decision to me. Instead: an email! And the cheater who went off with my X and has known the nephew for a total of maybe 12 hours will be at the wedding instead of me. What also bothers me is that my X has probably NO IDEA how upset the bride, groom and I were made by this situation. I sympathize with them because they were worried about a scene, but I am also very hurt. My children are invited- the oldest will not go, I am sure, because she is not speaking to her father. I am torn now. Do I still send a gift? The kids will be going with their father. I never thought that a divorce would have so many unexpected layers of pain and indecision. My children will always have a relationship with this cousin, but I don't know how to handle this, anymore...
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know it is horrible. It never seems to end, but it will. One day you will be happy that he is no longer in your life, it will take some time though. Before we even spoke of divorce my husband was acting out towards me behaving horribly which I attributed to his brother's death. He refused to let me attend his brother's memorial service! He would not allow me to grieve with anyone else. He shunned me! He said terrible things to me such as, "you hated my brother why would you want to go?" I never hated his brother. His brother was mean to me on more than one occasion and I should have hated him, but I did not and I never treated him with disrepect or coldness or anything negative. I was always kind and tried to understand his behaviour, but just like HIM! That mistreatement of me was all about HIM not ME. And you need to remember this right now....their treatment of you in any negative fashion is ALL ABOUT THEM and says nothing about you at all. Sometimes it's best to move on and away from having an on going relationship with the Ex's family...you kids can continue on as they see fit, but if the Ex's can't be loving and kind towards you due to the circumstances it is best to let it all go. What your ex does or doesnot know about his own sibling's upset is not your concern, that is between them. I'ts going to take time but you will get to a place where you realize that you are the priority and your life is the priority. I think of us as being pruned so that we can have new growth and eventually beautiful blossoms.
Gwinnie
Gwinnie
I had a very close relationship with my ex mil and never ever attempted to get her to take sides even though she was well aware of my ex's exploits. We no longer communicate and my mom is gone too so I know how this can hurt. I tried keeping in contact until she quit accepting my calls I guess blood out weighs an ex daughter in law. Anyway I have gotten past this now and in time so will you. Hurts like heck but you will.

If you want to send your nephew a gift do so by all means I am sure he and his bride will appreciate your thoughtfulness!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Startingo...it is very difficult to deal with divorce. My ex-mother in law barely spoke to me. Actually I was not allowed in her house...."don't take one foot into my mother's house" is what my x said to me one day. I cried like a baby that day, a house I had visited for almost 20 years. But I never said a word to her. We also got along well. I decided to tell her that I will always love her and that she was like a mother to me. I never mention my relationship with her son. He has re-married and my x mother in law and I have a special relationship of our own.

My opinion you should send a gift, under your children names. They will know it's from you too and it makes the situation a bit less uncomfortable. This is what I do with my daughter's cousin and my ex sister in law sends a thank you card to my daughters and sends me a private thank you thru text.

Best of luck!...hugs