Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
Hello everyone. I’m currently going through a divorce (1st), My husband and I of 10 years have separated after discovering that he had been having an 8 month long affair. Crazy thing is that I forgave the fucker and tried desperately for 2 months to fix our problems that “led” him to his actions and yet he STILL left me for his bitch ass whore. My apologies.....I’m clearly still upset.
Anyway.. here I am, the house is up for sale, I’m working 3 part time jobs, I’m trying my best to get out there and meet people because I so desperately need to! I don’t have any close friends, the ones I had I lost because I was always busy taking my husbands side and defending his name. It’s so hard to push myself to get out there when I’m worrying about my finances and stressing over 101 problems. And at the same time, I think to myself ‘I’m surrounded by so much noise right now, that when it’s all over and there’s nothing left but silence and me sitting in an empty home...what happens then? Will the pain and trauma come rushing back? Will I be ensued by new fears and doubts? Will it ever get better?
My question to those who have been here is;
what comes next?
I was cheated on in my marriage as well by my ex-wife (divorced in 2015).
What comes next surely varies from person to person, but most people go through an emotional rollercoaster of anger, sadness, depression, acceptance, hope, anxiety, etc. It usually starts off mostly negative and then slowly, over time, a bit more of the positive thoughts and feelings start creeping in.
It will also cycle. You may be feeling better for a day, a week, and then suddenly feel like you're way down again. It will cycle on and off. It's not predicable.
To some extent it may also depend on your personal situation, how you tend to handle trauma, and what kind of support network you have.
I guess I can answer one question: "Will it ever get better?" Yes, yes it will. You'll have to hang in there through all the pain and crap, but it will absolutely get better.
Be kind to yourself during this terrible time. It really is rough. Best wishes.
I'm also working full time and raising our 2 kids.. that alone kept me very busy after the divorce.
I smile now.. looking at this new life I've made.. I interact with very few people that knew me in my married life. After the divorce the kids and I moved away to live closer to my family for emotional support - the best thing I could have ever done.
New home, new job, new schools for the kids.. across the board new life - granted my ex and I had lived in this town several years ago.. so I still see memories of 'us' here.. but fewer and fewer as the years continue..
After dealing with the grief process, and acknowledging that I was granted this amazing gift to start fresh.. I am so grateful.
It absolutley takes time.. it wont happen overnight, just little steps every day towards enriching your own life. No more needing to compromise your choices. You have the only key - you get to choose what's important to you. And what can wait.
One thing I have recently started pulling off the back burner - is doing more things that I love.. and yet for some reason never take time to do..
Go on a weekend trip to visit friends that live far away..
Go to a concert! Whatever makes you smile.. dont just reminisce about that one time when you went...etc. go, do it!
I'm still alone, after all these years, I've tried online dating a few times. But I've resolved to just stay me until my kids are grown.. it's less stressful on me and them..
Bottomline.. what comes after? Is YOU.. YOU get to finally be the priority.. what you should have always been.. I hope you're able to find your smile again.. just give yourself time, and ease off the pressure - it's a gift of a new life. At your pace : )