I'm currently going through divorce as well and am currently separated. Does your profile says separated or divorced? I think people tend to avoid those that are separated because for one they are still married and they could choose to go back to their spouse.

I specifically look for people that have been divorced or have children because I think they have a better understanding of my situation as far as not having as much free time as others because of my kids. I think it just depends on each individual person.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt for the woman to make the first move. I know I've had several people look at my profile but not contact me because I think they want the man to make the initial contact. I've had a few women who have actually contacted me first and I actually liked that they were doing it.

Thank you for your response.

My profile says "divorced" - I am technically divorced (already went through the courtroom stuff and all that - just waiting on the physical sheet of paper).

That's a good idea - looking for people that may have a more understanding/sympathetic perspective. I have made the first move (I've sent out several emails to no avail). I am thinking that perhaps online dating is not really the best avenue for me. I find it very judgmental. I more joined them just to try them out - see what they were like. They may not be what I am really looking for.

I haven't ventured into dating yet.. and honestly for that same reason you described.. I've been divorced almost a year now.. but the hurt from my ex, that feeling of rejection, disrespect, lack of loyalty, humiliation.. all those feelings (ex cheated on me, after 14 year marriage) .. the mere IDEA of putting myself out there to be 'judged' is too much.. the person I loved for years hurt me, why put myself out there for strangers to have the opportunity too??

I think Divorce is a target, and I hope given time that target will mark me as a strong independant woman who KNOWS what she wants and isn't going to tolerate BS anymore.. been there done that..

thats my hope :) but I'm not strong enough to open that door quite yet.. still healing, and still working on my self worth..

4 months out.. isn't much time at all.. give yourself some space, some time, a chance to build your confidence, that's a very attractive trait in a life partner :)

I just spent 20 minutes looking at profiles after creating a generic account... it's broken. It's all looks. Even if you focus on compatibility, you're left with these pictures. I dunno, I'm not feeling it. I'd rather go do the things I want to do and encounter women there. Much better odds of finding a compatible person than even browsing hundreds of profiles. The matching criteria is whacky too. Forget that nonesense.

I've been divorced for two years now. I did the online dating thing a couple months after too. The experience wasn't bad for me, but it is all based on looks. Anyway, although it was nice to get out and go on dates, I realized later that I really should have just been working on myself. I got into another relationship soon and I later realized that I wanted something different because I changed along the way. I suggest trying to just find new friends and just go out an have fun for now.

So after writing my reponse above, lol... I checked it out a week more. If you can keep it light I think it's ok. I actually had my first human interaction it.

I am thinking I'm not ready for that.

I don't know your age, but at my age (46) the opposite is true. Those who have never been married are viewed with more skepticism than those who are divorced. One benefit of being middle aged ;-)

The other factor may be how recent the divorce is, and if you mention it in your profile. I did mention when my divorce was finalized (May, 2015) in my profile, and I generally tend to receive responses from men who are also fairly recently divorced. Although going out with these other recently divorced men is not my cup of tea, generally speaking. We do have the mutual bitch fest, which can be therapeutic, however, some of these men are truly, deeply, wounded. And, probably so am I. It can become depressing.

I guess my other question to you is, what are you looking for? Do you want a casual thing, a boyfriend, or a serious relationship? If you want a hook up, don't bother with eHarmony, or even match. It's all about context. I agree that you should focus on divorced men with kids, if you can.

I just saw that you are located in Mass. I am in NH. I think that New England in general (with the exception of CT that is part of NYC) is horrible for dating. I've been in the Boston metro since '97 and dated here when I was younger...and it's just awful.

It's funny because I work in NYC/NJ at least 2 weeks per month and have started dating down there as well. It's like a revelation, the situation is much more exciting, less judgmental, and there are more eligible men. Part of the issue may be this locale. And, I am in NH, which is even worse than Mass!

I tried online dating and actually had some luck, although I recently broke up with the guy. You just have to be really careful - don't give out your phone number and only chat using the online app. I had one guy I had never talked to before ask me in the chat if I wanted to get married....I was like - NO, and he said "wow - I wish I could be so picky!" LOL

There are a few nuts out there, but there are also lots of people just like us who are scared and don't have a clue (at least I don't) as to how I would meet someone new.

Good luck!!! (((HUG)))

Just my perspective; I tried dating 9 months after I was divorced, and it was pretty clear that I wasn't ready. I took 2 years off before trying again. I had better success the second time around.

For me, the biggest thing was spending time outside a relationship doing things for myself. Finding new hobbies, making friends, learning what I like to do when I don't have to share my time with anyone. Loosing some weight. Volunteer. Get to a point where you are pretty happy being single. I think we all put a lot of expectations around certain activities that should only be done with a partner. Travel, dining out, skiing, etc. Turns out, you can have a pretty good time by yourself. Travel somewhere alone; you won't have to compromise on what to see or do. With good friends and hobbies, being single can be a pretty awesome experience. You shouldn't need to depend on a partner to make your life happy. As a bonus, being confident in your single-hood is good. Confidence is sexy.

Now, if I think about dating someone, they have to stack up favorably to a hobby day by myself or evening with friends. It makes it much easier to choose dates wisely. Never continue going out with someone if the only reason is that its better than being alone.

In the last 2 years, when I've used online dating, it has worked out ok for me. Most of the time I have to initiate the conversation, however a few women have made the first move. I do ask, fairly early on, how long someone has been divorced. If less than one year, then I pass. On the topic of whether being divorced is a liability, I don't believe it is. I find that someone who is divorced will understand my situation better and has some common ground with me. Someone who has never been married at 45 will make me think they don't have as much in common.

I will say that most of the people I've met online have been good people. Only a small number of crazies, but they are easy to spot. It's much harder with the nice people who are just incompatible. I've had one end things after 20 or so dates, another I ended it with after several months.