Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
I separated approximately a year ago. My divorce was final about six months ago. I did okay alone until we shifted from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time (i.e. darkness came an hour earlier). I live in the Northeast where in the winter it gets dark around 4:30pm. Suddenly I found myself feeling VERY isolated and alone. For a few days I had panic feelings at the thought of spending another night alone in my house. That scared the hell out of me ... I kind of have to spend the night in my house.
I am lucky in that I have a very serious relationship (almost engaged) to a wonderful, beautiful woman. But she lives 40 minutes away so we only see each other a few times a week. Also, I have not told her about my loneliness. I feel like this is my problem to deal with. I don't think it is fair to ask her to make it so that I don't have to learn to live alone (like she did).
I do have a dog. That should help (it does), but I still feel very isolated.
Adding to my struggles is the fact that I work from home. My job provides zero human interaction. I have a few friends I can rely on from time to time (and I do), but that does not provide a lot of human contact.
I believe I will be much better in the spring: the grass will be green, the trees will be pretty again, the days will be warmer, and my golf league will get going again. But for now my life still kinda sucks. Divorce has so many negative repercussions. When I feel really lonely I drink too much in the evenings (and that makes me feel like crap in the morning).
The days are longer now, and that helps. But there is a ton of snow on the ground and I still feel like a shut in. So what is my question? I don't really know. Any thoughts, messages, encouragement, or even hugs would be appreciated. If you have had success in dealing with the aloneness that comes with divorce, please let me know how you did it.
I am lucky in that I have a very serious relationship (almost engaged) to a wonderful, beautiful woman. But she lives 40 minutes away so we only see each other a few times a week. Also, I have not told her about my loneliness. I feel like this is my problem to deal with. I don't think it is fair to ask her to make it so that I don't have to learn to live alone (like she did).
I do have a dog. That should help (it does), but I still feel very isolated.
Adding to my struggles is the fact that I work from home. My job provides zero human interaction. I have a few friends I can rely on from time to time (and I do), but that does not provide a lot of human contact.
I believe I will be much better in the spring: the grass will be green, the trees will be pretty again, the days will be warmer, and my golf league will get going again. But for now my life still kinda sucks. Divorce has so many negative repercussions. When I feel really lonely I drink too much in the evenings (and that makes me feel like crap in the morning).
The days are longer now, and that helps. But there is a ton of snow on the ground and I still feel like a shut in. So what is my question? I don't really know. Any thoughts, messages, encouragement, or even hugs would be appreciated. If you have had success in dealing with the aloneness that comes with divorce, please let me know how you did it.
Thank you all for your responses to my discussion topic. Everything you said was helpful. I was particularly encouraged by my research on SAD. Almost all writers are saying that this has been a particularly tough winter in the Northeast (little sun, lots of snow). I typically spend winters in Texas (my job allows me to work from anywhere, lucky me). This is the first time I have spent a winter in the Northeast in nearly 10 years. Suddenly I was alone, in the cold and dark, and freaking out a little ... also still dealing with life after divorce issues (how to cook and plan meals, learning to pay all the bills, take care of the dog by myself, still struggling with the emotional trauma of having a partner of 27 years decide to leave me). I think my point is that this is a uniquely challenging time. I am very encouraged that as Spring arrives that the weather related elements of depression will change significantly. Thank you for calling that to my attention.
Thanks for the other ideas: just stop by and see a friend (don't have to do dinner or something too formal), volunteer one day a week (I am going to look into that), etc. It is amazingly comforting to know that there are at least a few people out there who know what I am going through and whom are caring and encouraging. I hope I can return the favor sometime. Thank you all.
I made that mistake before and it got me into a worse marriage than my first. I would just make sure (to save you future heartache) that you are getting engaged for the right reasons.
I wish I could get a dog. I had two with the ex, but they were hers and my job doesn't allow me (indirectly) to have pets.
It is so important to get to a point where we are comfortable being alone. I know it is very hard after having been married for so long, but it is worth it, becasue then you know you are getting into another relationship for all the right reasons, and not just to fill that void.
I have to say I am somewhat surprised that you can be anywhere near ready to be engaged to someone else after having had your ex all of a sudden end your 27 year marriage only a year ago.
I was married for 29 years and was still a mess one year after the end of my marriage.
You seem like a really nice guy, so please be absolutley sure for yourself and for this wonderful woman in your life, that she is not the rebound girl. Neither of you deserve that.
You are right that this issue is yours to deal with, so please do both of you the favour of really working through it, to ensure a really good and happy relationship for your future.