Some people can handle stepping in depends
On If there is OW or abuse issues. I feel for your
Children.

This issue is one of the biggies what if you get
Sick who has your back? Its a scary feeling after
A long term marriage. I am rewriting my will today
And i have no children it bring up all of these issues.

I am only 15 months out and no children so not
Much help and we dont talk or text. Only checks
In the mail, i have moved and gone no contact.
HUGS

Thanks Mirandac.....yes, it is very scary! I did update my will, power of attorney, etc....last year - but he hasn't done any of that. Now the kids are trying to step in and they have no idea what is needed, etc... They are too young to have to deal with this....I feel bad for them too! Good luck to you (((HUGS)))

Do what you think is right so you will
Not kick yourself in the butt. I did that
All thru my separation and divorce. I
Kept my maturity and stood tall and i
Had tried and did everything in my
power To heal the marriage so i felt
Good in those ways.

My ex took me out of his will long ago
I am just finally getting up to be able to
deal with All the other financial stuff.

You have children So you needed to
deal with all the other legalities. Life is
so overwhelming when you are grieving
Still. HUGS

Hugs, it is really hard dealing with divorce and illness at the same time. I too found out that the ex is having health problems. Even his mother is sick. Up to now, I have stepped back and let him handle it. I feel sorry for them, I really do. There is very little we can do unless they ask for help. Just jumping in will not be good for us. You are still in the early stages of divorce. It takes 1 year for every 4 years of a relationship to just move on and heal. Sit down with your kids and ask them what do they want you to do. Mine just told me to stay out of it. Even if we just jump in and they do not want us there, what will it do to us? We have to learn to put ourselves first and learn to love ourselves too. Hugs again

Well the kids are all adults, 24 and 21 should be mature enough to handle this awful news. If you're not on speaking terms with your ex and you've already reached out once I'd say that's enough. Personally I've moved on since my ex cheated and left so although I would feel bad (together 24 years) I wouldn't say much of anything to her..our kids are adults too (28 and 19)

Thanks for the comments everyone. For now I am just standing by for support and advice. :-)

I agree with every one who posted. The kids are old enough and there is some positives they can take away from this life lesson. I know this is easier said than done, but you need to hold back unless asked to do something and even then take into consideration if it would be healthy for you to do. I totally get you want to help the kids and you still can by telling them you are willing to help them by giving them advice in some areas like the legal stuff.

I noticed you wrote he MIGHT have terminal cancer. Wait and see. I recall a man coming here convinced his EX had breast cancer because she found a lump, had not even gotten a diagnosis and they even told the poor daughter "Mom might have cancer." I felt so bad for the kid because she had just gone through her parents divorce. Anyway, turns out no cancer and the poor kid was drug through the drama for nothing. Wait and see so you don't put yourself though unnecessary grief....again,,,,easier said than done...I know....I too am a worrier, but I'm getting better (((HUGS)))

Hope you don't mind me joining the thread late ...
In response to your question, yes, I am one of those who went through what you describe. In my case, my ex developed cancer and died a few years after our divorce. And yes, it was very tough on my young adult children. I made sure I gathered around myself lots of emotional support and wise counsel as I navigated this difficult challenge. Really make sure you do good self care during this time.