Hugs my friend. By learning to love yourself unconditionally first. Learning to be your own best friend. Putting yourself first. Taking time to really heal. Go ahead talk to your cats, I do to. Mr and Mrs Evil Cats. I was in the same situation. I was even told not to talk because he was going to do the talking. I turned around and walked away that day. Never went out with him again. It will take time and hard work but you can do it. I do not smoke or drink either so that crowd is out. You are young and can do it. I was 57 when I threw in the towel. Boy, did it ever take him by surprise. The three things that you will desperately need are 1. lawyer, 2. therapist 3. financial advisor. It will be a hard, rough road to travel but there is a beautiful light at the end of that dark tunnel, run for it. And then sit back and watch a train wreck of his own making. When you see him, smile, turn around and walk away. The nice slow smile of a king cobra ready to attack. I still do it and it has been 10 years.

WOW, Atpeacemary said it all! She is right on the money with everything. I would just like to reiterate the therapy part and add that its critical to get a qualified trauma release therapist who understands the dynamics and effects of abuse. Sadly many therapists don't. I chose to not get into any new relationships including friendships until I had done some serious therapy. While this may not be for everyone, it was the best decision or me. It helped me to recognize & honor red flags. I found I was attracted to much healthier people.

I always talk to my cat! And myself for that matter, lol. Not a thing wrong w/that. Start writing a list of things you enjoy. Then look for groups centered around those things. If available, join a meditation/mindfulness group. (If there aren't any, check out the net - there's lots of info and videos. Spend time in nature. Next to therapy & meditation/mindfulness, nature is the next best thing. Take things slowly.

There's a great video on youtube called "How to be Alone." ~healing hugs~

MyTrueColors You are right, there is nothing wrong with talking to yourself. How else can we get an intelligent answer. hehehehe. I saw that ex at my son's place and I just could not stop smiling from ear to ear. He knew better than to even say Hi.

Atpeacemary, exactly!!! :-D

I feel the same way. Although I am NO where near the point of thinking of a dating- I don’t even know where to start. I don’t drink or do drugs. I have three teenage boys and work 12 hours Monday- Friday. I know my first priority (after my boys of course) is to work on me and being happy with ME. However there is a part of me that wonders what’s next and how do I get there?

Do 62 year old men date? Not that I think I’m quite ready to start but idk maybe someday. I can’t recall the last date I was on but there had to be one. Who even thinks divorce at my age but how could I not and that says it all.

I feel the same way only at 54, I have very intense feelings of loneliness especially now around the holidays. I see people together and then I go my way. I don't want to be a burden on anyone so a lot of times I won't even bother calling anyone, going to work, church and talking with my family are the highlights of my life and of course my 4 legged children. After I stopped drinking it really made a difference to the availability of social experiences for me too. I just take it one day at a time and the winter is not helping with the darkness so early, that really causes me to be even more homebound. Thank goodness for the group so I can talk about some things.

Winter and the pre Christmas anticipation brings out the worse feelings of loneliness. We have each other in this forum. We will be ok. :)

Yes we will!

Janek, I am sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Atpeacemary is right. Five years ago I was where you are. The verbal and emotional abuse escalated to physical abuse and I never spoke to him again. At the urging of a friend from church, I attended a Divorce Care class. It was helpful. Enjoy your cats, be kind to yourself, and let yourself breathe. Give yourself the time to heal and get to know who you are now, without the abusive demands of anyone else. Love yourself, you deserve it!

I am trying to love me, it is hard when yourself-esteem is low and loneliness is always present, especially this time of year. I love to laugh and I love people, I just want someone to really love me too.

If you stop and think...those who took such pleasure inflicting pain on us with such hateful words were themselves victims who could not bare the pain ....Sometimes I think they built themselves up (or tried to) by tearing us down.

Take in all the positive feedback and messages....and COMPLIMENTS from others. Don't dismiss it...take it all in. Look in the mirror and find some positives. I have never met or seen you, but I would believe you to be a warm, caring person ...I also have acquired the sense of humor (serves us as a great coping mechanism sometimes)....That is a good quality. and I would lay odds you have a beaming smile and bright twinkle in those eyes. (If you don't see it...keep looking...I bet it is under there. haha)

As far as finding friends.... I have come across many on here. I am still living with stbx. (feel funny calling him that since he is determined to prolong and fight the divorce. So I am just starting.) Even in the same room with him , I still feel so incredibly lonely. I started to open up and chat and share on here. I am on here more often than not.

I have come out of my shell....now I am way too chatty, overly curious and not afraid to ask (or say) what is on my mind....and I do still have that sometimes silly sense of humor. As far as I am concerned, no one can have too many friends I would be happy to consider you one....(that is if you could put up with me. lol)

Someone told me long ago, when I was feeling very low, unattractive and worthless...."Put your light on the hilltop, because YOU ARE truly beautiful indeed." He saw the entire picture...inside and out. Maybe you should remember that too?

My thoughts and prayers are with you. (and you are not a burden.... no matter what you were told) The more you open up and reach out to others, the easier it will be. You just have to watch you don't get quite as bad as me (That they threaten to shut you up with duct tape! lol)

I feel for you I'm also over 50 and alone. The thought of dating gives me too much anxiety I guess I just expect the worst and don't feel like I'm even datable since I have too many flaws. I hate feeling this way it's easier just to say I'll never be with anyone again that takes the pressure off. It's hard to find friends and the mutual friends I have with my ex are uncomfortable around me and don't invite me anywhere. I work long hours during the week and get things done around the house on the weekends. I would love to have someone to go to lunch with but there's no one. It's a lonely existence but still better than the toxic relationship I came out of. Hugs to you may you find peace

I'm very introverted and I've been alone my whole life. I was the oldest and the family slave. Mow the grass, take care of my siblings, Cook supper for six every night. We moved around a lot always moving up to a better house, a better job for my dad.

There must be something about me that most people don't like and I'm used to being alone. I know the ex isolated me from meeting too many people. There was always stuff to help him with because he didn't have the time. We moved a lot with his job. I'm happy now and I fill up my time with the horses I board on my farm. The farm I got from the ex. I earned this farm after 33 years of marriage.