Life After Divorce Support Group

This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.

1,650 Members
1,884 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Life After Divorce Support Group

Gut instinct

chellerenee
chellerenee
Opinions needed please. I am seeing someone that I have little in common with, and our values are also somewhat different. BUT, there is a strong physical attraction there, from the beggining, that I just can't deny. I have done a lot of soul searching to make sure this is what I want, and have tried to explain to myself WHY I like him, but can only come up with the gut instinct, that there is something there, a connection, a feeling that we should be together. And to clarify, I had been approched by several other guys before and after him, and I did not have this feeling for anyone else, just him. What I want opinions on are the initial reasoning for being attracted to someone. Do others just have an instant attraction or was it based on common interests?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think many times the initial thing is the physical attraction. My only concern for you is that has to be backed by something else. If something were to happen where the physical side of the relationship isn't possible is there anything to hold it together. Opposites do attract so not saying it can't work I'd just be concerned if that was the only thing for the most part that was there.
MyTrueColors
MyTrueColors
Personally, I would want both common interests and physical attraction.

Seems like since you're asking, that you might have seen some red flags that you're gut is trying to warn you about.

How does this guy treat other people? How does he talk about other people?

Maybe just observe for a little while before taking the next step.
denicew
denicew
I think a good question to ask yourself is "what do I want in a relationship ? " If you just want casual dating,then have fun and don't expect a forever connection. If what you want is more of a lasting relationship,then wait to learn more before giving too much of yourself. I'm reading a book right now called "Calling in The One" (sounds a little like a looking for marriage theme),but it's more of a personal exercise in learning more about what makes you happy and being open to it. I hope this helps.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi
I see red flags all over the place in this query. You say you are attracted to him DESPITE not sharing common values and then you go on to try to justify the attraction!

IMO this is nothing more than hormones screaming. While there is nothing wrong with physical attraction, I'm with GotMySwaggaBack -- without the sex, what else is there to build on?

If you want to be with this man for sex, then do it, but don't expect a lasting or meaningful relationship to develop. I think your instincts are already telling you this.Proceed with caution! And good luck!
chellerenee
chellerenee
Thanks for all the comments and advice. I will proceed with this as a casual relationship as the thought of not seeing this guy makes me really sad. Though my head tells me this will hurt me at some point, my gut keeps telling me to let it ride and see how it plays out. I feel very strongly he is in my life for a reason, maybe the reason is, is that I am not ready for anything serious as I am still adjusting to being single.