actually, the only part of you that feels empty is the wife in you. her role no longer exists and she feels lost. she needs to grieve her loss.

but, there are other sides of you too. there is the mother in you, the sister in you, the daughter in you, the friend to others in you, the artist, the homemaker, the employee, the adventurer, and the new independent single woman in you.

give the wife in you some time to just cry and grieve every day for awhile. then, switch into one of the other sides of you and let them carry the grieving wife in you until she is done crying it all out. those other sides of you still have dreams and goals and purpose. let them keep living, building, and creating. it will be very good for you.

all of us going through serious relationship breakups have to do this.

Feeling that way is a part of the process. Do something for you that you never were able to do or just never did it because at that time your schedule or life didn't allow it. I started to do things that I thought would not only occupy my time but also benifit me. I joined the gym and it is a place you can go as much as you would like and it doesn't cost each time. I have met some great people there and also a few guys. Not boyfriends but guy friends. One can't have to many friends. I also joined a bowling league and that is one night a week. I just thought this is a time when I can either sit here sad while the others are living their lives or I can go out and live mine also. I am doing just that. There is nothing I can do to change what is already done. Yes I do have my days where I give myself time to think of my past it is what my life was and WAS is the word. I make my life what it is right now. I believe at some time or another we will all get to a place where we will know why our lives took this road. Keep busy and when ever a sad thought come to your mind you can either think of something happy and let it go or just smile and say those are just memories and put them in your memory bank. It does get better I can promise you that. Good luck and I know it's hard I was married for 24 years it is an adjustment that wasn't to hard after the initial shock. We are here you...

Consider all the things you wanted to do before but couldn't or didn't because you were married. I don't mean that you were not allowed to do but you didn't do because either your partner wasn't interested or what not. I joined meetups and go out to dinner at nice restaurants and meet interesting people, I also belong to a hiking meetup. For a short while I took belly dancing classes. Do something fun and interesting and discover what YOU like to do. Do you like movies but don't want to go alone or want to see something your kids can't/won't watch? Look for a movie meetup. Good luck, divorce isn't a death sentence.

Allow yourself to grieve for however long that takes. If its available in your area, please check out www.rebuilding.org. It's a great divorce support group that offers a 12 week program around the country. It puts you in contact w/others going thru the same thing & it reassures you that what you are feeling is normal. It's based on Dr Bruce Fisher's book, Rebuilding.

As you continue the grieving process, you will begin to heal. You don't even realize it at first. Then you will begin to rediscover yourself. I left after 36 yrs of marriage & I also felt that over half my life had gone down the tubes. It didn't. It brought me where I am today and I am in a much better place than I ever was while I was married. I'm still working on figuring out who I am, but I'm ok with that because I know its a process. It took a couple of years, but I have made new friends. Not ready for dating yet cuz I want to continue my self-discovery. I meditate, spend time in nature, became a Reiki master & focus on me.

There is a huge misnomer that we need someone to complete us or to fill us up. Actually it's the reverse. We need ourselves to complete us & fill us up. IMHO, the feeling of emptiness comes from within because we put so much into the other person, we lost ourselves.

It sucks to go thru the grieving, but honestly the only way to get past the pain is thru it.

My three lifelines were laughter, DS & gratitude.One of the things I did every day after I left was to do something to make myself laugh, like watch a rerun of an old sit com or a funny movie, or read a funny book, or laugh at my cat's antics. Laughter is very healing. I also posted a lot on DS, made friends here & offered & received support.

The tides started turning when I started to practice gratitude. Find one thing a day for which you can be grateful. As you can start adding to your list. Repeating things is ok. The more gratitude you have the more you'll find you're thankful & then you'll start seeing more of the positive than negative. It really does work.

Everyone here has great suggestions. Do some things just for you. Have fun. Join a club. Find a hobby or craft you enjoy.

Allow yourself the gift of time - however much you need. It will get better.

I know the feeling well and if and when I find out you'll be the first to know. After 34 years of marriage we are divorcing because my wife wants to start over alone. It makes me feel like a failure that all this life together so far has been wasted. Friends who have gone through this tell me in time it will pass. Join a social group and meet others and in time you will bond with other personalities and your life will greatly improve. This may be true as it's what I'm doing and so far it's working out somewhat. Getting out and talking to people will occupy your time and please think about the future and what you'll do with your life ahead. Being single now has opened up alot of things for me and could for you as well. In time things will change is what the counselors say. good luck and may God bless you.

The empty feeling is part of the transition process and it takes some time to work through it. The others have given some helpful suggestions and there are a myriad of books on the subject. Working with a qualified counselor or licensed therapist can also help.

Just know that it's part of the process and everyone is on a different time frame.

It DOES get better...you just have to be patient with yourself...and BE GENTLE with YOURSELF! Hugs to you from one who has walked the same journey you are on and came through it with shining colors!

Your post reminded me of a quote:

"You have to be willing to give up the life you planned to have the life that's waiting for you."

Mybeach: I LOVE that saying! It's so true!

Thank you to all that replied. Your encouraging words do help alot.