Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
I have been divorced for almost 2 years now, and met a great guy who I am dating. We have been seeing each other for 3 months now, and if things continue to go well it might actually work out (fingers crossed...lol).
The problem is my kids. They are 22, 20, and 18 - none of them are ready for me to have another man in my life and are still upset about the divorce. They are very open about their disdain for the new guy (whom they haven't even met yet!), and I don't know what to do about it.
I keep telling them I am not going to be alone forever, and they need to get over the fact that my 20+ year marriage to their father is over. Any advice on helping them move forward?
The problem is my kids. They are 22, 20, and 18 - none of them are ready for me to have another man in my life and are still upset about the divorce. They are very open about their disdain for the new guy (whom they haven't even met yet!), and I don't know what to do about it.
I keep telling them I am not going to be alone forever, and they need to get over the fact that my 20+ year marriage to their father is over. Any advice on helping them move forward?
My suggestion is to seek family therapy w/your kids. Don't make it about this guy. Because it's NOT. It's about you and their dad not being together, whether they realize it or not. It's also about the loss of the family unit as they knew it. It could also be about them having certain perceptions about moms in general. It could be a lot of other things. But its really not about this guy. He's just the focus b/c they don't have a deep down awareness yet. They will have to come to that on their own, hopefully in therapy.
So, if you and they aren't in therapy since the divorce, it would be worth a try.
FYI, according to many experts, it takes, on average, 1-2 years for every 5-7 years of marriage to heal. And that's if you get some therapy/counseling (i.e. do your 'inner' work).
So, even if the kids refuse to go, I urge you to go anyway. I say this b/c the divorce rate for subsequent marriages after the first one is something like 75%. I believe that's because we don't do our own work. So we're all just bringing the 'junk in our trunks' to the next relationship(s).
Best of luck to you and your kids.
~healing hugs~