I wish I could tell you that it goes away, or there is a way to control it, unfortunately I myself am not sure of a way. I used to not eat if I knew I was going to have sex that day or even a couple of days later, or whatever. I used to feel that if I did this it would make sex more manageable for me. It took away what was really bothering me during sex which of course are flashbacks. My mind was too busy thinking about not eating and having control over my own body, that my starving brain didn't get any flashbacks at the time. I know that wasn't healthy, but it did help me at the time. I'm still in therapy for my issues.

This is definitely a difficult issue to get through. I think for me I have avoided sex and tended to become addicted to pornography and masturbation which sucks because when you have a loving partner making love to an intimate partner is so much better. However, when I was married and my wife was encouragining me to intiate sex I had the difficulty of seeing myself as a perpetrator of a sex crime. She could never understand how what she was asking me to do caused me so much conflict even though she was an abuse survivor herself. So yeah its definitely an issue that affects male and female survivors.

hey ironicgirl thanx for your reply im sorry that u went through the same thing i really am, im glad you found a better way to stop or at least help them i will take your comment on bourd thanx x

ytzz27 hi im sorry u were abused too. of course it affects males too why wouldnt it? your wife should av been more understanding towards you. the thing is i think we all have to work out our own ways of dealing with our issues i think advise helps but what works for one may not work for another. i aprriciate ur help and comments thanx x

That's what the abuser wants, is to have control over his victim, long after the abuse is over!

How about this. When you are making love with your bf and ur abuser's face pops up in ur head, consciously try to replace it with images of your bf. Even if you have to slow down your foreplay or love making. Try using your other senses to help replace those bad images. Think of the smell of ur bf, gently use your hands and trace the outline of his face with your fingertips. Keep your eyes open and try to notice every little thing sabout your so.

Thanx bob that sounds good I'll Defo give it a go d