Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
I have lied, more than once to my husband. It is always over something financial, and usually something so stupid to lie about. He has put up with it, many times, and yet, something happens and I do it again. It starts out with one thing and then I just add to the situation. There end up being multiple lies for one situation. I want to stop and fix what is broken. Right now that trust is broken and I know that it is going to be a daily task to work towards fixing things. I know it is my fault and I own that, I was the one who made the choice to lie. What is hard is we have different personalities and ways of handling conflit. He is someone who wants to know why and how immediately and I am not that way. I prefer to become introspective, I don't want to jump in and talk about it. The why is something I am not 100% certain as to why. It seems like more of a reflex to a "percieved" negative situation. I am owning to my mistake and I am committed to fixing myself and rebuilding. I have read some articles on how to stop, not that it isn't something I should know already. Another thing causing me a problem is now dealing with his anger. I agree and understand he can be angry and upset and hurt, what is causing me conflict and the moment is not being defensive to his hostility. I don't handle it well and my gut reaction is to be spiteful back. So far I have avoided it, just worried about how much longer I can handle being called a "stupid f*%# bit*#" and snarky comments being made about me in front of our children. I get the upset but have a hard time with the attacks. I feel like I should accept it because I hurt him, but is there a part where the line is crossed? Forgive my rambling. There are a lot of things rattling around in my head and I tend to write to get them out. I do plan to seek some additional help, just feel like I need to find a healthy outlet for my frustrations as I feel we (my husband and I) cannot speak about it. I cannot handle his animosity, it makes me want to burrow in deeper. He feels that me saying anything about the hostility is me trying to force the blame onto him, which in no way I think I am. I feel like he doesn't understand that his actions/attitudes make it difficult to communicate. I am not trying to associate any of the blame on him. How do I work to help him understand that the hostility makes it worse for me? I think he feels like I am not sorry or remorseful. I am not a crier. And if I have said sorry, it turns into "no you aren't, you only care about yourself." I understand that some of that comes from the fact that it is me lying more than once. Just more rambling by me today.
A lot of people show up on this site, me included, due to the empending loss of their relationship because their lying has led to loss of trust from their partner. In my journey I found that nobody could make me happy. This was entirely up to me. As soon as you require another for your own happiness that relationship becomes manipulative and selfish. So we have to be responsible for our own internal happiness!! This way we can show up on equal playing field for mutual support and growth. Likewise, your partner cannot be dependent on you being responsible for their happiness either. I certainly discovered that I probably was codependent. Hence I would tell stupid lies to appear perfect so I wouldn't be abandoned. What a joke!! I now am at a place where if my relationship failed I have me!! I am happy with me. The amazing consequence to this evolution is that my relationship that brought me to this site has never been stronger. Trust is re established. And the two of us grow a little bit more (together) every day!
The mantra over and over stated on these post is this has to be about you. No matter where the path ultimately leads you. It's about waking up and showing up every day. It's not easy or we would have done it long before. But once you start down this path you won't go back because it feels wrong and hurts!!!!
It is ok to be flawed. We are human and hence imperfect by definition. Embrace your imperfections as your uniqueness. Quit denying them. Feel your internal divinity and learn to listen to your higher voice. The one in the background when you start to lie that is telling you it is wrong. The one that speaks from your heart.