This is a post where I want to note how I feel. I feel so stupid, so stupid that I've let something that should be so easy effect me in a catastrophic way. It was so easy for my girlfriend to be honest, and she says "It's easy to do". I admire that so much about her, she's so strong and driven and she's five year younger than me. I should be the one setting the way and leading by example, showing her that I can look after her in the future. I know I can do that. I've already started ridding my life of things I don't need, things that show her that I'll be immature and won't change. 

I lied to protect myself. I lied out of fear that I was going to get in trouble. And look what has happened, I'm smack bang right in the middle of where I was so afraid to be, and what's brought me here? Lying to get away from trouble. Lies don't work. They don't help anyone and they've destroyed the epicentre of my relationship. They've actually smashed it to pieces. The other night my girlfriend told me that trust is like a plate. When we drop the plate we smash it into pieces, we can try and put things back together but there are small pieces missing, then we drop the plate again by lying and the smashed pieces break again and become smaller. I've dropped my plate a few times now and I'm sure some of you are in this boat too. But with careful consideration, being wary of putting myself in situations where I'll lie, ridding myself of things that remind me of lying, concentrating on changing myself and remaining positive and empathetic I can find the small pieces that are missing. I don't want a new plate. I want to put mine back together again and put it back safe on the mantlepiece where it'll never have the chance to break again.