Do y'all suppose that masochists who have chronic pain must have great sex lives? :-) :-) :-) :-)

Reckon' so JC .
I don't know who would want to cause anyone any pain during sex as I want to only inflict as much pleasure as possible. ;- /
Tickle your asp with a feather? uh hum rr particularly nasty weather !! ??

I am thinking about this one.................

i always figured if ya weren't hurtin a few days after then you just did it wrong.
but.......that's really not the same thing is it?
PEACE
t

I didn't know if anyone would pick this up or not.
I love you guys...I really do..:-) :-) :-)

bet you had a pretty good guess though Jc didn'ya?
love you too
PEACE
t

How do I become a machosist? I thought Steva sounded like the guy in 50 shades of grey!

You know, in a funny way becoming one would probably help my marriage! I think I might read the book, I read an exert but it has sold so many, maybe there is something to this stuff? Haha

No..T..
Seriously..
LMBM has been in a slump for a while.
It's good to have some laughter back..:-)
( not that we haven't had our reasons for not laughing..
But, have missed it..:-) :-)

Hugs and lashings to all...:-) :-) :-) :-)

I have neuromuscular and joint pain, but I also have interstitial cystitis. IC amongst other symptoms also causes nasty wicked bladder pain. So sex is painful externally and internally. I don't have sex anymore. It's not enjoyable for me, nor is it anything for him to write home about.

Sad thing is......I'm pretty sure I'm losing my husband of 17 years. It's not been said but I'm picking up clear signs. I'm sad to say the least but I just can't blame him.

Hey, boss..

The truth is..I think..at least for most women with CP..
Sex is painful. Even when our pain is not directly related to our sexual organs.

And..it reeks havoc on relationships. ( ( I've had this conversation with a number of women off-board).

The only thing I always say..is..be sure you talk to your man about it.
That he knows it's not about how attractive he is. That he knows you miss it as well..
And that you are aware of his loss........
This is a hard subject. Firstly, because some folks aren't comfortable with talking about personal matters.
And then because there are no easy answers.

But, I think it's good to acknowledge that it's part of the CP life equation.

Hugs..jc

This is a hard one. I have to agree no way around it that the real thing just can't happen unless you are ready to embrace pain. There are the hugs and I am never at a loss for words to tell my husband how sexy he is and what I would like to do.

Fifty Shades Of Grey........I hear is very ........hmmmm.......a turn on. Somewhere I read that women were having a lot more sex because of this book. Also that men really liked that. So Lisa shall we start a book club.

once a person's all growed up and particularly when that person has shared a great chunk of their time here with another in a committed relationship, sex expands greatly from being something that feels good
to an intimate connection with the life of your lover.
a part of the relationship that belongs only to the two.
it becomes an affirmation of sharing life with another.
of devotion to and embracement of the "oneness".........the groeing together of two lives into one shared existence.
the loss of that connection is a devastating blow to a relationship already strained hard by lists of things too numerous to mention here but which most all of you are familiar with.
a relationship so wounded externally by intractable pain and all it's unforseen affects NEEDS the intamacy
and the "you and me baby" togetherness that a matured sexual relationship provides.
the loss of that place of togetherness........of intimate knowledge of the very life of your partner...shared and expressed physically..............well......with no risk of melodrama at all...........i call it tragic.
the very day that my wife and i had to stop sharing a bed, the whole bit, not just the sex, but the whole
experience there yaknow? the day is over......the next set of challenges, risks and reward that will make up tomorrow are on the other side of sleep. a couple needs THAT time........together in the bed...........one.
when first we lost that..........the wound that never goes away was given. we didn't even see it.

ramblin
sore.
sad.
outta here.
PEACE
t

OK, everyone.

We know the problem..and that it's a shared one.

Let's look at solutions.

I'll start by saying...I agree with T. It's not just the act of sex that suffers..it's intimacy.
My biggest " issue"..other than that any physical activity has the potential to suddenly and severely exacerbate pain......
Is having become " the patient" instead of the wife.
It's hard to set aside all the..not sexy..things my husband has seen me through,
And to see myself through his eyes as someone desirable.

I think I'm going to lay out for myself a set of baby steps to start reversing this process.
I'll let y'all know what I come up with.
( you know..stuff like..taking care of how I look more now that my pain management makes it sometimes more possible. Or..remembering to touch in not intimate ways...or..
Complimenting my husband.

Hmm..I like the idea of FINALLY thinking about how to change this,
Instead of accepting it as another cost of CP.

I love the way we talk so honestly here.
Thank you.
Hugs.....jc

Oops..forgot..
Hippy..I've heard about that book. It is actually about a B and D relationship, isn't it?
Ha! I can just see explaining to my husband that I'm reading it for CP !...:-)

Thank you ....every one of you, human compassionate souls.

I've spent a fortune in $ with a therapist on this subject. I've cried a river of tears for my beloved. My physical and mental health have me in such a bind.I've saved up meds so I could share the passion I still feel for my Man. I have never let him know just how painful it can be. I know if I did he would be wounded and full of guilt. He try's so hard for the " quality" of our physical expression.....he is everything I ever dreamed of in a Man....and more. It is expressed less and less....I said something recently and he answered that he didn't marry me for our mutual passion, but for too many reasons to list....I cried a river over that answer too.

I know lately, suddenly, I'm grieving so many things.....but I know it is time to rejoice in the gass that is half full. I used to be able to pull myself out of a "funk" pretty quickly. Seems lately it's harder. Yesterday I sent my daughter to buy me a hair colour, I can't sit in the Salons anymore.....I told her I wanted to look different, gave her a picture and she bought home the exact colour I wanted.

I have been natural blonde all my life, with it going grey of late, it was going a real white grey....I thought about just letting it be. My daughter and I had been watching a couple of reality shows of late, she said, " is it because those women try so hard to hang onto their youth with ridiculously blonde hair, you decided to change your hair clout?" I thought about it.....in a way I think it did influence me, I don't want to look like a try hard! But mostly I had decided I had been blonde all my life, I am now going white....I thought a sassy caramel with some slight overtone of rusty red would be fun. I have green eyes, I thought why not? It can always be corrected. Well, she did the hair colour...it looks great, I love it. So I put a little make up on and went to where my husband was.....he was shocked! He said "why"....I explained and he said, well I like it too! I've got a new woman to come home to. We laughed and he said it complimented my eyes......God, I love him! I will keep saving extra pain pills. Sometimes, on a good planned time, we both find each other again.

Deb, I'm so sad for you. I hope something happens where you can talk it out and make plans.....
Today, there is no way I could, but there are so many tomorrows.....I can't give up.there are ways of sharing our love that don't hurt, and the connection of sharing gives such an afterglow of closeness.....we have to try. The mutual looks, gentle touches, that happen long after are worth trying for.
Please delete! I've written way too much, sorry if I overstepped! Love Lisa x