Dixie...hun....you missed the earlier threads with this particular Steva!!! ........you will not win....
And numbers don't matter...
Just sayin'.....
Steva!!! .... glad to see you've moved on, you. S.O.B...........you ever hear from the kids?

ok

OK? Just like that? I expected a bigger fight....:-) :-) :-)

The obnoxious Steava!!!! Character goes back a ways....wish I could find those threads...very funny stuff.

Thank you steva.......I needed that chat.....

lol it was fine but short.


Honey thanks for thinking of me and making me some wonderful soup.Ya know that bean soups my favorite. Me and Chester tried out some of his homemade goat cheese today must have eaten a pound and washed 'er down with his homemade cider. You know how that binds me up. So I might not visit the outhouse for a good while so help yourself maybe ya can loose a pound or too?? But before ya camp out there in the outhouse go get that 6 pack of beer. Then ya can go to your Moms and you and her can take turns crushing the couch.. Be careful though remember the last time your Momma broke through the floor and they had to get Jimmie Jacks' wrecker to pull her out.
Ya know your my favorite girl !

O yes honey, I know about that cheese. You know how Chester's sweet wife is my bf.....well we helped poor ole chester make that cheese, as he was complaining about his little toe hurtin and all and he was a little hung over from the night before when the two of ya'll went bear hoppin down there where those girls are half dressed...you remember any of that honey? Well I sure do! So anyways, dear sweet Bobbie Sue and I helped Chester hobble to a chair to sit with his hurtin toe and hangover and finished making his cheese for em. Poor dear thing. Bobbie Sue and I decided you both needed a little motivation and some enegry as how ya'll were competin for the Santa roll for the christmas play this year with those bellies. We just thought it would be a good idea to help that situation out, motivate ya, help ya loose that round ponch ya got. So we added a little somethin extra to the cheese. Between that cheese and my soup you should be a little heathier real soon. You can thank us later when you get that fence fixed and other "Honey Do Chores" done round here.

I put a few magazines in the outhouse....figured you might just be in there a little long that I had originally thought....didn't know you ate some of Chester's cheese too. But that's ok, them girls down at the beer joint won't miss ya non for a few days. I put some of yur favorites in there like Housekeepin 101, DIY magazine, and some of your favorite cook books too! I know you'll just be full of ideas when you get out of that there out house :)

You might want to think about takin better care of yourself in the future so Bobbie Sue and I won't have to intervene anymore.
Some good exercise is to use those legs of yourns since they ain't broke.

I'll see ya in a few days dear.

I missed the finale..

Dixie is a PLAYER..!

Did you call this one, Steva!!??

Ya know baby ya take such good care of me. I just go to them bars with the dancing ladies for my friends. You are the one that dances my heart and makes me want to dig a new hole for the thunder box. Dem ideas books was good reading thanks. I'm thinkin' you could use a nice flower garden and a place for ah a retreet area? So i started making the trullus and spading over the ground for planting for ya. I' figern' you deserve a little rest bit from time to time. I hope the benches i made for you an' ya Mom are sturdy enough for ya.

There is some Dove chocolate bars in the fridge for ya . i don't know what birds have to do with chocolate but thought ya might like a treat Hon. Made a hudred bucks shoveling shit over to tha Avery farm last week, maybe you might put on ya fancy dress and we can go a dancing at the hop and get some of that super fried chicken ya like at KFC . I know I can be diffy cult at times but ya know yu's the only gal in my eye Hon.
I knows ya aint 16 no more and we all get fat but ya been good to me and ya don't complain much, well ya nag alot but I'm no Garth Brooks nethier.
I shot a possum and it's all fried up for ya when ya get home. Hope ya Mom didn't crush the floor again and ya stay was as nice as it could be considerin' ya Ma , she's abit overbearing , overweight and over the hill.

If I'm not here when ya get hear it's cause i'm helping Bobbie Sue and Chester git their nursey ready for Ingred when shes born. Hugs and kisses Hon. maybe we could think about spawning?

O I like the idea of spawning honey, just turn around and lets get started with a little back rub....I knows how you likes your back rubs!

"BONG'

Jeffro....take that ornery no good man o man and throw em in the hog pen. Let em wake up with the his ken folk snortin his his face and covered in the .....he is!

Leave em a note that says it 'Shoren nuff was good hun....so good you passed out! I can't help it nun if I gots a jealous boyfriend who threw ya in the slop pen with the hogs:)

O I like the idea of spawning honey, just turn around and lets get started with a little back rub....I knows how you likes your back rubs!

"BONG'

Jeffro....take that ornery no good man o man and throw em in the hog pen. Let em wake up with the his ken folk snortin his his face and covered in the .....he is!

Leave em a note that says it 'Shoren nuff was good hun....so good you passed out! I can't help it nun if I gots a jealous boyfriend who threw ya in the slop pen with the hogs:)

Hey Hon I just got back from the docs office 'cause i got a bump on the head from some where. Seems they got them selves a mess over there . Had some guys in white-overalls Scrubbing and cleaning the place. They say Honey Bucket Becky was there and she was full of them saxual diseases so's they had to debug and sanitize the place. Wasn't she ya best pal not too long ago? Any ways, her ex-boyfriend, some kid named Jeffro needs to get treated for all dem nasty saxual diseases. Guess if he has some girlfriends they ought to be worried and get to the doc,s some quick Huh?
You sure look worried som 'em wrong?

Naaa honey, I ain't worried non bought myself non but I's sure nuff worried bout you! You can just sleep with ole jack out in the barn cause you ain't crawling back in my bed, not after I caught you just two weeks past, Passed out in Honey Bucket Becky's bed, naked as the day you u'uns was born and droog your sorry self home!!!

You is sweet though for warnin me bought Jeffro....shore is glad I ain't let him in my bed yet!

Maybe I's be a little kinder to you after you get treated for all them nasty things, for warnin me and all....I shore is glad I aint' got nothing to worry bought! Yep O Honey Bucket Becky can have him back, it aint too late :)

Steva!!! And Dixie.....thank you both for a much needed laugh..:-) :-) :-) :-)
Well played, both of yas.......

Now Hon ain't no call for yous to ban me from out bed and sleep in da barn. And yous ought ta be more carefull of them young fellaws ya try ta deduce at the grocery store, dat Jeffro is numb as a hake. Hell dat boys got no sense at tall getting all head up about an old bag with a bucket ass like you. I told ya about the night dat dizzy Becky spilleded them sweeten flowery drinks all over me at the pool hall and she offered ta wash my clothes fer me. Wees done nothing dat night 'cause I had dem crosses in my eyes from Chester's white lighting and she's having her payriod and such. And with you being so onnery toos me i figured no sense coming home to ya stampeding insults and whining. ' Sides doc says i'm cleaner than Skeeter's peter, Says I'm healthy as a mule.
Speaking of Mules ya ma got busted drunk driving again on her lawn mower seeems she runned over ol' Caleb's Tabby outside of the Piggly Wiggly ' round 10 this morning. Poor thing was flatter than a pan cake. Her lawn mower was totaled, tires flat and axles bent. sherrif says just a shame too much weight on dat lawnmower 'tis all.
Where da hell is my six pack of beer woman???!!

*Knock Knock Knock*

"Why hello Sherriff Skeeter :) Common in here and sit a spell"

Sherriff: "ma'am, I just came from the hospital. Doc Hastings says Steva's pretty broken up. Full body cast. I went by to see if he could tell me what happened but the poor guy can't even talk cause even his jaw is broken. Was wonderin if you could tell me what happened."

" Well sherriff, you know how ole Steva is, he just can't shut that trap o his sometimes. See, him and that no-a-count Chester came home the other night drunker than cootie brown runnin off at the mouth with their dumb o jokes about fat people. They plopped themselves down in the chairs in front of the tv laughin like hyenas they did!
Then steva really made a joke about my momma." (shaking head)

Sherriff: "And what did he say bout yore momma?"

"Sherriff skeeter, you ever met my momma?"

Sherriff: "I'm not sure if I ever met her, what's he name?"

"Her name is Bessie, Bessie Sue, but I'ze sure you ain't never met her, cause you'd remember her if yu did."

Sherriff: "Why's that ma'am?"

"Cause my momma she's a big woman, 6'2 and well over 300 lbs. She won the mud wresting contest grand prize last year over in Stuart county"

Sherriff, big eyes! : "You mean to tell me that was yore momma?!"

"Yep" Prideful "That worn her!:)"

Sherriff: "my my, that is one BIG woman!"

"yep"

Sherriff: "So what exactly did Steva say bout yore momma?"

"He made a joke: Your mama's so fat she makes olympic sumo wrestlers look anorexic."

Sherriff trying hard not to laugh: "And then what happened?"

"Well him and Chester didn't know my momma was just in the other room, she came over to make fried chicken, turnip greens and cornbread and she over heard Steva's joke and him and Chester laughin and all. Well, she marched outta that kitchen so quick, took both them boys by the head of their hair and knocked their heads together! It sounded just like two holler coconut shells!! Then she picked Steva up by the seat a his britches and took him and slung him into the pig stole....right in the big mud puddle. She inteneded to teach him a lesson good....her style! Well now sherriff you can't blame her, the mud puddle got slop in it and slicker than any ordenary mud puddle that she's use to wrestling in. Well, she slipped and fell right on top of ole Steva!. "

Sherriff: "Well, that would explain why steva is so busted up like he is, yore momma shore nuff is a big woman. Why she is bigger than him by 50x's , bigger than my truck in fact! Bigger than the barn door for sure!, bigger than...........

"O Hi momma"

Momma: "Who was that just went flyin outta the door?"

"O that was Sherriff Skeeter.....I'm sure there won't be no charges filed against you momma where Steva is concerned:) And we got at least 3 months of piece and quiet cause Steva is in a full body cast with a broken jaw to boot :)"