Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hi:) Thankyou for reading my post: I would love your ffedback on my quandry.....
I am in a new relationship with a woman who has just gained full time care of her 15 year old daughter having had shared cacre for the last 4 years.
We both live very busy lifestyles. We are both at uni part time, work part time and are trying to maintain our relationship.
We get on like a house on fire. Everything clicked right from the start. we have had no dramas and admittedly probably took things too fast and got ahead of ourselves.
I have been spending lots of time at her place so she can be home for her daughter, and I have been as supportive as I can in every way. I have been helping her with her uni stuff, paying for things when I know she cant afford it, giving her massages when she is stressed etc. She gave back to me too at the start, but now that its all on, I feel I am the last priority.
Recently I burnt out totally though. I am now having time off uni and work because I was burning the candle t both ends.
But now that I need her, she is keeping her distance. I want her to come over and offer to talk, to initiate interaction, to give me a hug and tell me its ok.....She says she is there for me but I dont feel it. I know her priorities are uni and her daughter, but I dont feel she has any energy left for me.
Am I being selfish in wanting her to give back to me what I give out? Was she right in telling me to take time out to sort myself out and she will take care of her daughter?
Before it was "Mamma A and Mamma B" now its "you need to take time out". ???
Is that how it works when u are in a relationship with a mother of teenagers? You look after yourself so u can look after her so she can look after the kids?
Where do I stand? am I asking too much?
I am in a new relationship with a woman who has just gained full time care of her 15 year old daughter having had shared cacre for the last 4 years.
We both live very busy lifestyles. We are both at uni part time, work part time and are trying to maintain our relationship.
We get on like a house on fire. Everything clicked right from the start. we have had no dramas and admittedly probably took things too fast and got ahead of ourselves.
I have been spending lots of time at her place so she can be home for her daughter, and I have been as supportive as I can in every way. I have been helping her with her uni stuff, paying for things when I know she cant afford it, giving her massages when she is stressed etc. She gave back to me too at the start, but now that its all on, I feel I am the last priority.
Recently I burnt out totally though. I am now having time off uni and work because I was burning the candle t both ends.
But now that I need her, she is keeping her distance. I want her to come over and offer to talk, to initiate interaction, to give me a hug and tell me its ok.....She says she is there for me but I dont feel it. I know her priorities are uni and her daughter, but I dont feel she has any energy left for me.
Am I being selfish in wanting her to give back to me what I give out? Was she right in telling me to take time out to sort myself out and she will take care of her daughter?
Before it was "Mamma A and Mamma B" now its "you need to take time out". ???
Is that how it works when u are in a relationship with a mother of teenagers? You look after yourself so u can look after her so she can look after the kids?
Where do I stand? am I asking too much?
As you pointed out, this is a 'new relationship'. This is the period of time, once the initial excitement is over, when we see whether or not we're compatible and right for each other. People tend to call 'dating' a relationship, and rush from euphoria to commitment ~ skipping the step of really getting to know each other.
If she is telling you back off and take time out, then,..that's what she's feeling hon. Did you ever hear of the book, 'He's just not into you' by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo? It applies to women too. When the signs are there, we can't wish or want them away. Just like anything else, when someone is into us....we KNOW it.
Unfortunately dear heart, you know where you stand. Her words and actions are lining up perfectly. ((Hug)) In the big picture of life, it would be best for you to acknowledge what you see/feel and make your own decisions based on reality.
Thank you for your reply, that helps alot. Sometimes I dont know what is going on. I guess I thought she was really into me because she was so full on too until now. I was feeling and hearing that she was where I was at. But your right, I am going to take a few steps back and just see what happens.
Thanks again:)