Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hello everyone,
Maybe I should start by describing myself - I'm "soft butch" though I really don't think that's an adequate label for me. Basically I'm definitely not girlie, but I also don't look like a guy.
In short, if you met me you would at least think I'm gay.
My problem is two fold: I don't have radar, and all the girls I fall for are straight. I can't help it. That "look" is what I go for.
But every time I go somewhere, even a lesbian club or gay oriented event, I have a tough time picking out the lesbians from the straight girls. After all, lesbians have straight friends, and girls are more lenient about going to gay clubs just to have a good time - that makes it difficult to assume "everyone here is gay."
What should I look for?? And are feminine lesbians ever interested in butch women??
Thanks!
L
Maybe I should start by describing myself - I'm "soft butch" though I really don't think that's an adequate label for me. Basically I'm definitely not girlie, but I also don't look like a guy.
In short, if you met me you would at least think I'm gay.
My problem is two fold: I don't have radar, and all the girls I fall for are straight. I can't help it. That "look" is what I go for.
But every time I go somewhere, even a lesbian club or gay oriented event, I have a tough time picking out the lesbians from the straight girls. After all, lesbians have straight friends, and girls are more lenient about going to gay clubs just to have a good time - that makes it difficult to assume "everyone here is gay."
What should I look for?? And are feminine lesbians ever interested in butch women??
Thanks!
L
Most femmes I have been friends with lean towards at least soft butch.....but the labels for all of these things can drive one stark raving mad. I am just grateful I love for the person, not their "style" so to speak....butch, femme, whatever....if you reach my mind, heart and soul looks are secondary by far...
There is no sure fire way to "pick 'em out" of a crowd. For me, the best way to learn someones sexuality is to just start a conversation with them, and the subject will most likely present itself.
IDK if I have answered anything you asked,....I sort of drifted lol....
Have a good night :)
Recently I was told by another lesbian, that at first sight she would have never thought I was gay. But after talking with me for awhile, it became obvious I was, just with how I talk. I dunno. lol.
Anyways I wish you luck! While you're trying to figure out who's gay and who's not on the femme side... I'm trying to figure out how to be femme and for people to see me as a lesbian!
Crystal
L
Labels do not bother me... they actually just allow me to put people in logical order. But the femme women I know invariably gravitate to the soft butch/butch. Its what I have seen in my community. I have seen a few femme/femme couples but its not the norm that I have come across.
id just say, if you see a girl you like in a bar, go for it. and if she is straight, she shouldnt be offended, considering shes in a gay bar. its worth a try, you know?
L
I don't know you well enough to give advice but I'll go out on a limb. Take a woman's studies course at your local college. Join or support your local women's sporting events, there are softball teams for those of us who suck at sports. Join a lesbian coming-out group. Put an ad on Craig's List. Join a women's hiking group. Stuff envelopes at the National Organization of Women or at a Right to Marry groups mailout (Wait, do we still do mailouts? Perhaps not, Twitter seems to be replacing that somewhat...but I digress) or attend a political rally. Join a women's choir. Also, Diva Midori does an awesome flirting workshop. Take any course she teaches and you'll meet women who want her and might want you. Attend a local women's writing group. Attend signings of women authors' books. Attend a woman playwright's play, especially opening night. Do something, do anything but don't restrict yourself to looking in bars and night clubs or just guessing.
I found that as I made contact with lesbians in business, religious venues, social clubs, activity organizations, when I wasn't necessarily looking for a date, I began to understand the collective soul of dykedom and my own tribe. As I came to accept the wide variety that is us, it was easier to identify who I was and who was likely to be attracted to me.
To understand who is in the community, it helps some of us to embrace the community. Don't mind me if it sounds like I'm ranting, I'm from the South and we *do* community there. Here in Seattle women don't seem overly invested in that concept. It has been a cold and unfriendly place when I leave my own living room.
I have no idea where you live so none of this may seem valid if you're in the middle of nowhere with no university system, no HRC or few rainbow flags a-waving. Feel free to let me know if this was helpful or not.
This is going to sound really stupid, but maybe just ask girls as soon as you meet them (if you meet her at a lesbian club or gay event, I mean. that could be a conversation stopper if you met her at your local starbucks or something). I've been trying it lately myself.
as far as what people like it's really different for every person.. i like feminine women and am feminine myself but i've seen other feminine women with more butch women so who knows. i use internet dating.. lol
Thanks much!!!!!
L