Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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2009fireangel 08/22/2011

So for about two months I have been talking to this girl. She lives 30 minutes from my school and mind you this is my first real relationship besides online dating.

Well I moved back July 31st and was ready to go on a date with her. But she works alot and had the time I had no money to pay for us both on our date which is what I like to do. Even though I wouldn't mind I like to pamper at times.

Well when I text her I say good morning sweety and hun and etc. Terms of endearment and she calls me Hey you or Hey girl which kind of makes me feel awkward because she has only used one term of endearment this whole time we are talking and the Hey you or Hey girl feels like she is slapping me straight back into the friend zone like she changed her mind or something?

Most would say I'm thinking too much but when we talk we have no deep kind of conversations I try to press a little more into her life... but the most I get is about how much she hates work or someone at work. Even when I say something kind of personal about myself I just get pushed back. That kind of scares me too that she has changed her mind.

We have talked about going on dates and she gets really excited but now that I have the money and my car she never seems to want to try and set a date. She has two weeks off this month and she has gone to Ohio (where she is from) to see the town and be in a wedding. Which is great and all but when I brought up possibly a date or something she didn't really open up about it...

Is it she is just scared? or are these kind of warning signs that maybe I should move on and just let it go? Any help or suggestions or good conversation starters that kind of lead me in the direction I want to go? stuff that is open ended?

deleted_user 08/22/2011

Listen to your instincts. Maybe you are pushing too hard and she is scared. Don't rush her. If it is meant to happen it will but it may take some time. It is important to be friends as well as potentially developing a relationship. Maybe it needs to develop at her pace.

ajr5679 08/22/2011

go for it, but it seems like you want someone more serious and if she is making you feel like this now it wont change. sorry to be blunt.

deleted_user 08/22/2011

I agree w/Michelle. Listen to what your instincts are telling you. Don't be so quick to rush into anything. She may very well be frightened. In the meantime, leave yourself open to who else might come your way. She may not be the one for you. It may be that all she wants to be is friends. So don't push her. Let her move at her own pace. Regardless of who you enter a relationship with, friendship should be your first step, not your last. I hope this helps. :)

deleted_user 08/22/2011

Throughout all your connections in life, you're going to receive both verbal and non-verbal ques about how women (people in general) think and what they feel. The unfortunate fact is that many women aren't comfortable or know how to be open and honest about their feelings or thoughts, so they give us signs by their actions (or lack thereof).

You're still young, and one of the things you'll learn is how to trust your instincts ~ they will always tell you exactly what it going on. It's your obligation to yourself to clearly see when someone isn't giving you what you need to feel comfortable within the connection.
Not everyone we meet or like is going to be into us, nor will everyone we are attracted to or meet be a good fit for friendship (or dating). Building friendships (getting to know someone from the inside out) is the key to finding a girlfriend who 'fits' us.

Whether she's scared or not isn't your problem hon. Take a good look at how things are; and trust your instincts to make the right decision for You.

~ Good luck!!!

deleted_user 08/23/2011

You could try to find an activity you both enjoy. Have a reason to get together. A hobby you both share or something new you would like to learn. Sign up for a tai chi (just an example) course and you'll get to see her for sure. You'll have a something to talk about while you warm up for more personal topics. Good luck. :)

2009fireangel 09/04/2011

Thanks everyone who has posted sorry it has taken me so long to answer school has been creeping up on me. I have read all your replies and hope ya'll are still listening to help me with a new thing i have seen that I am worried about. So recently we have gotten close to going out on our date multiple times. We had an open talk about what was on and off limits for talking about and have basically said anything goes. But when I try to go into detail and be more positive like she wants I still don't get much back. Now these dates... we set up to go mini golfing and were ready one day when one of my friends had told me she will not take to my jeep (which is parked at her house) because she did not support me. So that sent me through alot but I found someone who was willing to take me to it that day. But she didn't feel good... so we didn't go.... and that's fine you know she had worked the day before and told me she got back on her birth control that might be messing with her. So I understood seeing as I've had that to be a prior problem with me. Now the 2nd time was two days ago and we had planned and she thought I had canceled cause of the jeep problems and I was like well if you have made any other plans that's fine i understand. Then she goes babe I know you are not going to believe me but I feel real sick. This time she said she drank an energy drink and hadn't eaten with it so she didn't feel good. In other words it was canceled again and I'm not sure how to feel if she is avoiding me or if she really did feel bad... this weekend she is off and she's going to beach with family tonight... and all day tomorrow since she is off... once again... nothing about making up the day... I'm so confused...HELP ME!!

deleted_user 09/04/2011

Maybe it's time to let her make the next move. And maybe, as others have suggested you should start looking around. If she doesn't contact you then it might be time to look elsewhere. I know you want it to work with her, but in life ingeneral, if something's not meant o be and you keep on til you get it just because you want it, It usually doesn't end up too well. Wish you the best!!!!!!

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