Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
So, I fell for this girl a long time ago. We are 4 years apart and that might not matter later, but now that means she is still in high school. I've hurt her plenty of times, stopped talking to her for reasons such as; I was scared she didn't feel the way I did, I didn't want to be a lesbian and the struggle with it is crazy so I didn't want that for her, her being young I want her to be able to discover who she is without my influence, and we are both christians. As for my faith, I am just becoming comfortable with being a lesbian and thanks to support from friends and family I don't have to hide. But back to this girl, so I'm in college and when I go home I intentionally go to the high school to work out and things like that because if it is a chance to get a glimpse of her it is worth it. Well this past break was spring break, she plays soccer so I knew I would see her. She ended up coming up to me and telling me she is in a relationship with this girl. I had the opportunity to meet her girlfriend, she doesn't like me because of me having hurt her. It hurt to hear that she was in a relationship, I mean, I didn't want anyone else...but I can't expect her to wait or anything. Well, they together decide that I am not good for their relationship so they ask that I not talk to either of them. This was something I was prepared to do, honestly as long as she is happy then I can deal with it. But she continues to message me. Conversations got intimate and we eventually ended up meeting up a few times and fooling around. In the middle she told me that she was in love with this other girl and she didn't want me but she calls me again in the middle of the night because of some fight she got in with her mom and I go to her house to be a friend and comfort her. I set boundaries too, I didn't touch her, and I maintained a friendly vibe, but she ended up fooling around with me and I eventually gave in and she later told me that that was all a test for her to see if she had feelings for me, she said she had felt a "spark" (our way of saying that we felt something). But, the last day we hangout I tell her I want to be the person she can tell anything, aka friend, because I know she needs someone to talk to about the relationship she is in especially since her parents are not supportive and I think hurting this other girl would hurt her too much and I just can't hurt her anymore. I want to be whatever makes her happy, but I want to move on because I feel like she has and I don't want to feel this pain anymore.
You DO deserve to move on and not feel this pain... Its natural..
And being friends is a good Idea, if u can support her or help her in anyway. I think helping others, do give u peace of mind and amazing pleasure... Doing something for someone, other then yourself for selfless reasons makes you an amazing soul. With amazing heart.
But at same note, in my opinion, you should give some time to yourself.. As much u need to move on.. First, try to discard all the romentic feelings, that you have for her.. Then be friends to her.. That way, you would be doing both a favour. As long as, u have feelings for her. You wouldnt be able to be a good friend.. U might make mistakes.. Like u did.. When u both started fooling around.
The moment u move on, feel strong enough to stand again.. The be the supportive friend u want to be.. Go ahead.. Do it... Give it a shot.... Friendship is a blessing...
I sorta did this as well.. I first discarded all the feelings, after the break up.. I whined about it, hurt, cried... this or that.. The usual natural process to heal.. Once I was healed. I knew and realized that, this was it. I dont want to be with her romantically etc.. I got back to the being friends part. Now, i have no burden on my part.. My heart or my mind... Im at peace.. Its up to her, how to act to this friendship. Like you, i wanted to support her.. Be a friend.. As she had no friends at that time and christian parents to treat her bad.
But how could i have helped? When i was broken myself..? Right...? Therefore, once u are all strong enough to see her, as just friends. Go ahead! Like in my case, now talking to her, didnt made me feel anything. I didnt hurt, i didnt feel jealous. I was better... So i think, u should first try to fix your paining heart.
Best of luck.....
Maybe step back for a while and take some time for yourself. Meet new people, hang out with friends, talk about your feelings to someone you trust. It will help you to get over her.
I know you feel obliged to do as she wishes because you hurt her once, but that is not at all true. You never intended to hurt her. It doesn't give her the right to hurt her.
When you are over her you can become friends again. That's what I hope to do with my ex, eventually. But you need to be selfish sometimes and focus on you :)
Good luck
I am sorry for your feelings of heartache. I very much agree with the other two responses in that your best bet is to heal individually and to possibly move on from this relationship. I'd encourage you not to be in touch with this woman while you are healing. It seems that she needs to figure out if she is up for being in a relationship on her own (her pattern of fooling around with you indicates that she is not).
I encourage you to surround youself with friends and engage in new activities. There are many women out there and I hope that you get the chance to engage with many of them:).