Everyone may be find me crazy but I need to talk about it somewhere and really I just want someone to comfort me.

December of last year was another lonely year for the lesbian community and as the rest of them I was still looking for someone to spend it with. I found a friend who I told about all my relationship problems with my ex.

I've never had a physical real lesbian relationship all of them long distance. So by my ex I swore off long distance relationships. There was no way to make them work and all it turned into was wish you were here.

So this girl we will call her Jen, knew about my ex and everything and all of other problems I had with other girls at that time. From time to time I sext (texting about sex) and my ex started to use me for that. So Jen said that we should have sex just so my ex would go away because she was dangerous for me. Jen lives in Florida by the way.

So a day before the night we were suppose to have sex she burned her tongue. This may seem like a story book but this is how I try to make my long distance relationships work. I said I can make it better? She goes yes and I kissed her and sucked on her tongue. From that moment on... we began talking we held off on the sex and just began to learn about each other.

Everyday got better and better... but normally she was not my physical attractive type and it was hard for me to keep this up. I did tell her and she choked through it... she stood by me through everything my mental break downs, chasing other girls, that were closer. Basically in our world we lived in an apartment when I got done with class I walked into our house found her told her about my day cuddled up to her and kissed her by night and woke up in the morning to kissing her and missing her in the morning.

We never got into a relationship because of the distance. It was me holding it back... she was faithful told me everyday I was handsome and sexy and she loved me when we got to that point. We went on text dates and it was happy. But I still wanted someone closer.

Well I had used craigslist to try and find someone closer if not just a friend. I had found a girl we will call Sarah and me and Sarah were talking about meeting because she lived close to my school but everytime we tried to meet something came up and one day she stopped talking to me. By then Jen had gotten into relationship that had lasted a week basically and we were back together. Hardest week of my life but I couldn't ask her out. I still didn't want the distance but got did I love her. Not only that I was nursing a broken heart for Sarah who had really gotten my hopes up....

Jen understood all of this and stood by my side. I gave her parts of me and pieces and everything of me that I had NEVER EVER given anyone else. So the day of our four month anniversary I gave her a promise ring. That I would always be there no matter how things went. Who ever met someone first.

But then she had been talking to this other girl, I became paranoid that she was going to leave. So I was making plans to go down to Florida and meet her this summer. The day after our 4 month the girl asked her out. She talked to me about it and I told her to go.... I didn't want to be the one to be held back.. .and I know I said that but I feel I might be the one who didn't want to be tethered to someone so far away. But I let her go and 2 days later they were together.

By then I going nuts. I wanted her I still want her.. and I should of took the chance I should of took the leap of faith. I should of asked her when her and the first girlfriend broke up... I should of done it.. .I do love her.. she has been there for me through a lot. We argued every time I tried to talk to her about my feelings. I went to her alter ego which is a psychologist kind of person who listens and just answers and helps. That worked until she stopped answering... and I texted her later when I saw her on facebook the whole time she never texted me back... she said the App was messing up.. but I don't think that is true... I know I acted like a child... but after 4 months of so much I want to know how she could just up and leave and drop her feelings for me... and she doesn't have an answer for it... Seems like she never will.
She told me this girl came at the perfect time, for her new times in life and I said why couldn't you do that with me... and the only answer that i got that ever comforted me was "I could". She told me to drop all my feelings to to get over her like it was that easy......

So finally she told me off and told me to take our friendship and leave it. So in order to not lose her in my life I told her I was over her (gritting my teeth and crying the whole way). I told her I didn't care about "me and her" I knew it was over (which I know the relationship was over but there was some things left that I wish I could of had answered that she never cared to answer for me.) and told her I just want my friend back. .. I just hurt all over from saying all that. But I'm slowly going on.. I didn't block her on facebook but I had to hide her post ... It hurt to see someone else in my spot.. and still does. I wish I could go back and change it. I just said our relationship is over for now... and the other glitter of hope she gave me was she was "For Now."

We don't text anymore... she was in the process of moving and I don't have the heart to text her (because she won't answer) and get her mom's cell phone number to talk to her... because her phone was her ipod and I guess her internet is back up yet. But I feel that if she really cared to talk to me she would right?....

I had to tell this here in hope someone would read it.. I need it off my chest... and someone to actually listen and I feel that if someone takes the time to read it they care.

All i want is some support, and hopefully some one will give me some strength to help me move on more... I don't think I'll ever get over... 4 months has been my longest "relationship" and the only person that I've given my all too. Please understand that...