Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

1,315 Members

4,919 Posts

0 Online

NeverOver 10/26/2008

I have recently noticed little changes in me and I swear somebody stole my butchhood. Durning the past 10 years or so most likely longer I have been really butch. Butch to the point I was granted the nickname "Uncle Dickie" at one job. People would call me sir instead of ma'am even with my big boobs stickiing out there. I bout my clothes in the mens section everything from my boxers to socks. I tried buying my bras there but hell Georges Idea of the Bro never caught on(for those who don't remember it was a sienfield episode) I have kept my hair either really short or as a mullet(i hate hair in my face my excuse for the awful mullet look.) Make up was a HUGE NONO Pink was an even bigger NONO till I got a job that demanded a pink uniform. Ok so you get the picture of me then.. As of May when I first left my ex I was still rough as ever. As time went on things started changing first I found some real awesome lookin blue nail polish and painted my toenails(haven't done that since early teens) Then I found a different blue later one and painted my fingers..(a moral sin to me usually for it is consider make up) Since then my nails have been blue green purple and orange?? Next I have started tryin on women clothes again..Why I don't know. Hell I have a new favorite pair of pants I bought in the women's section..(btw anyone know how the hell to them coverin my butt??) I have continued lookin at women's clothes and even caught myself lookin at real makeup.. Like stuff you put on your face. Will someone please explain what in the world has gotten into me and where did my ButchBalls go??
I WANT THEM BACK!!

when i first came here i saw a post askin for more post ya'll got your hands full now.

deleted_user 10/26/2008

Butchness as well as sexuality and gender can be fluid. Some more fluid than others. Maybe it's just a phase. Maybe you just want to experament. Right now, you are at a time in your life you are exploring your options. Go with the flow. You can still be butch and wear nail polish. I'm sure you still know how to change the oil in your truck. It's an attitude and a feeling. Not just the clothes you wear. I kind of did the oposite. Allthough I've never been into makeup or dresses. I shaved off my hair, that used to be down to my ass and bought all my clothes from the men's store. Now just maybe we had to balance out the world. I came further to the butch side and you slide back closer to the femm side. No wories. Let you self be free. No need to label and put yourself in a box. But, isn't it funny the toe nails are o.k. to paint. I would go get mani and pedis with my ex girlfriend. She had to force me the first time!!! But, after that I loved em! I would just get my toes painted and I would go for the strong colors too, like Metalic Blue, Purple, and the like.

What a great post by the way.

I'm going to be seeing an ex fling from college soon. And we kind of reversed the "roles" she's now got the long curly hair, and I've got the shaved short spikey hair.

deleted_user 10/26/2008

if u feel like going fem then go with thew flow, i love fem women

deleted_user 10/26/2008

my wife going through the same thing looking at womens clothes and even tried on a skirt or two.

DevonB 10/26/2008

Pepper is right, it's extremely fluid.

My partner was extremely butch when I met her...because that's what her partner's had expected from her. When she met me...butch as well, and she learned that I expected her to be her and nothing else...she softened. She far more femme now. She's what I call soft-butch. She's grown her hair out and has bought softer clothing. And I love that she's comfortable enough to be whatever she wants.

I myself have changed as well. I'm not as tough as I used to be in some ways. I have accepted that I am a woman, and part of us is soft and femmey. I've not tried as hard to be hard. That could be because I'm more comfortable with myself. It could be that I'm getting older...who knows?

As long as you are comfortable with yourself...go for it. I don't know if I'd ever wear skirts again....and it depends on where women's fashions go...but I might, under the right circumstances buy from that department again.

You're just accepting a different part of you. You are still you.

Cheers.

NeverOver 10/26/2008

I sure hate change. Especaily when it comes to me. I just wish I'd find me again. Although I'm not sure I'd reckonize me anymorre. If you happen to find me walking around out there in cyberspace please call me cab and send me home.

deleted_user 10/26/2008

Ha! you're changing boi! Dont freak, have fun!
Great post!

deleted_user 10/26/2008

just go with the flow!!! x

deleted_user 10/26/2008

Sounds like you are finding yourself without the help of this crew and a cab lady! ;) Enjoy the differences and relax. Surely you relaize there is no right or wrong when it comes to you living your life. You exist and should be happy with you multi-faceted self. Personally, I love not fitting into any one else's idea of what it means to be a woman: no matter how much attitude I have at any given moment. So hike up you boot straps and apply your nail polish cos there aint nothing wrong with being Yourself!!

Hugs and best wishes on your journey!

NeverOver 12/11/2008

Since I posted this I have gotten more use to my more girlish self. I have even tried on lipstick...decided that is for the birds next trip is to try mascara. My g/f is supportive of the ever changing me. What I didn't realize was this isn't just a physical change.. now I am rready to cry at the drop of a hat.. happy tears to beat that. Is this from actually being happy or is it a whole me emerging.

deleted_user 12/12/2008

I've worn mens clothing and had short hair and no make up forever,but a few of my friends are always trying to get me to try ladies clothes on,but at the end of the day it should be the things we are comfortable with,it doesn't matter.

wakan49 12/12/2008

I agree wear what you want.

deleted_user 12/12/2008

Long live the butch, however she dresses! I think we wear clothes which reflect what we are feeling and thinking subconsiously. But you can also decide to look at clothes not as a uniform but as a costume and with that attitude you can experiment and see how people react, it could teach you a lot.

deleted_user 12/12/2008

I think you are in a wonderful place now. You have found someone you can be yourself with and it shows. I say whatever feels right to you.

deleted_user 12/12/2008

I think Dolly11 is right. U wear & act what u feel @ the moment. I dressed & acted like a boy as far as I can remember. my mother let me cut my (down 2 my butt) hair @ age 10. I shaved it & made ppl call me jessy. My jr yr of hs i started lookin more like a girl again & now im total girl. Hair 2 my butt, girl clothes...never got used 2 makeup, but occasionally. But I hav my moments 2. I hav guy clothes i like 2 wear, especially n warm weather, but im stil more tomboy. My partner is butch & the closest she comes 2 goin girlie is buyin croc's (which she blames on me) haha. She does sometimes paint her nails but it's always dark colors & she sometimes wears eyeliner. That just doesn't make her look any less butch 2 me though. Mayb ur flip-flop in style has 2 do w/ur emotion/feelings @ the time. I can usually tell when my partner is is a "dominant" or a "submissive" mood...or even a "I need 2 b cuddled" mood just by what she's wearing. I dont think ur loosing ur butchhood.

Join the Conversation