I have never seen or treat bisexuals any different . I can see them being treated different if they wanted to be with both sexes at the same time. I feel that some people see this as cheating. I really don`t understand your question I guess.

AJR: I was just wondering why lesbians might treat bisexual women differently in relationships. Like, if a bisexual woman is dating a lesbian woman, why a lesbian woman may treat her partner differently because of her orientation. I know that a bisexual woman being with a man and a woman at the same time is an entirely different matter.

I'm curious about just the two women being together and conflicts that may arise.

Incog

I'm speaking only from my own experience both with bisexual women, and the many lesbians with whom this topic has been discussed and there have been many, many of those, as I'm 58.

Personally, I don't have a problem with bisexual women, providing they are up front about it. But that would be true with anyone for any reason. The thing i hear the most is that if the woman is actively bisexual, many lesbians feel in the event of a pending breakup, they cannot compete with a penis. They don't have one and feel they just couldn't contest a situation like that.

And of course, many lesbians just don't believe that a bisexual won't go back to a man. There are of course, plenty who don't, but there are some in the community that abhor bisexuality....because to them its a lesbian who hasn't the gumption to come out. In some cases, they are correct, in others not so much.

Then of course there is the safety factor, many understand that men tend to be promiscuous, with something like a 1 out of 2 ratio, cheating at some point. This leaves a lesbian vulnerable to STD's, especially aids.

I have a somewhat different viewpoint. I tend to think if somone has been with a male but is no longer interested in them and actively pursues women, they are not actually a bisexual anymore. She has "climbed the fence" to another world. If she is actively seeing men and wants a relationship with me, I have to admit I would not do so, more for the safety aspect.

I think some attitudes have lightened up towards bisexuals, but some won't relent. Of course, some too has to do with stories we hear on here. One woman spoke about being in a relationship with a bisexual, it falling apart, and not only did she go back to a man, she was bringing him in the house to the point he was there more than he was not, and she refused to keep him out. This is a lesbians nightmare..and i have to say i've heard too many horror stories like that myself.

To be partnered with someone, and build your life around them, and suddenly they are cheating with a male, is more than many lesbians want to deal with. So many keep their distance, or hate without knowing the person. I just can't agree with that but there you have it. Most of the women I've been with, at one time or another have been with men. But I understood that if it didn't work with me, they would continue on with women.


Its funny how we don't like being ostracized and yet some will do that to bisexuals, on the other hand, hearing that woman speak on here about her experience was an eye opener for me...what a horrible thing she went through. And is going through, she had to leave her own house because he was there all the time, giving her crap. It sure does strike fear in the heart of some lesbians.

I'm sure you'll have other responses as well, and maybe others can shed light on what they have learned as well.

Hi Incognita...

Both ladies have touched on a similar trail of thought, so I'd say that would be a general thing..., that being, if a Bisexual women is still sexually actively involved with a man whilst being with a Lesbian, it's a no-no..., but not because of the act of cheating as such (because the Lesbian world itself is quite promiscuous, there is still infidelity happening between women more than is acknowledged), so it's not so much the fear of being cheated on as it is the health safety aspects that breb had explained.
I don't think Bisexuals are taken very seriously amongst Lesbian circles..., I mean, they are acknowledged and respected, but at first glance they would be viewed upon as a 'good time'..., if a Bisexual woman was serious about wanting to start a committed & monigamous relationship with a Lesbian, she would have to prove her worth in a way, so in that sense it can be harder for a Bisexual woman to convince a Lesbian that she's worth her weight in gold, so to speak.
I only came out at the age of 30..., had 2 relationships with men in my 20's. I have to be honest with you..., I came under quite a bit of critical questioning from a select group of Lesbians I got involved with shortly after I came out. I was told I don't even look like a Lesbian..., I was made to feel that I had to deny that I had loving feelings for my last boyfriend (which I thought was a bit of an insult, as he was a part of my life and I did love him, just not in a physical sense..., we are friends to this day and I am proud of what we achieved together, as friends)..., but my past seemed to work against me in certain Lesbian cliques. Also, because I was this 'new girl' on the scene, I was viewed as a threat. It boiled down to jealousy really, which I have only recently discovered, which is such a shame really! So, even coming out later in life (and I have been out to family & friends for almost 5 years now), it was hard for some women to accept.
I do believe, but it is honestly just my own opinion..., that many Bisexuals (men & women) are actually transistioning. I have come across a Bisexual couple though..., they stayed married for the kids, they loved each other and the 'upmarket' lifestyle they shared, they allowed each other to play out their sexual fantasies with the same sex seperately and they also enjoyed those experiences together in the boudoir. In the end, this didn't turn out well..., jealousy will always rear it's little head in relationships if 3rd parties are involved, no matter who you're with, it's human nature..., they ended up divorcing.
To be honest, I know Bisexual men can get a tough time in Gay circles too..., and that's not really because of a health related reason. They would feel threatened, but I've heard quite a few times (and they're not shy about being vocal about this), that they find it vile, it repulses them, that a man would be with a women in a sexual way, because it goes beyond their own sexual understanding and identity..., a lot of men would not even go there with a Bisexual man when it comes to relationships (but if they met one in a low-lit sauna for men, well, anything goes then as men know exactly how to emotionally detach themselves in sexual flights of fancy, that's a common ground between men, a general understanding and complete acceptance of the need for quickies, strangers or not).
So mainly, active Bisexuals are seen as easy, but not taken seriously..., either for health-related risks or something that goes against personal beliefs.
But I do think that certain Lesbians should ease up on the women who came out at a later stage in life and have been active Lesbians for a good while..., but this would take time as Bisexuals before them who have said they aren't Bisexual anymore but are now Lesbains, have let the team down so to speak and gone back to men..., makes it's hard for those of us who are the real deal;) But hey, that's free will and everyone has the right to make choices, change their mind, stick by what they believe or alter their ways of looking at things..., at the end of the day it most important to know who you are in life and stand by that, whatever that might be..., but also understand that you will come across opposition, as you don't know what experiences someone else has gone through to make them so rigid in areas that you might be a bit more open-minded too...
I hope I shed an extra bit of light on this and didn't veer too far off topic hun...., GREAT question by the way! It's one of those that can be debated about in a healthy way..., looking forward to hearing a variety of viewpoints...
(((hugs)))

I think that a lot of lesbians that choose to be with someone that is bisexual , might think in the back of here mind that she will just back to a man and they fear come inbetween the relationship. i have dated a lot of bisexual women and i always asked them which one could you see being with more. if they say men then i move on. no hard feelings

This is most interesting....may I add in another question too??

Why then is there a harder qualification to be with a lesbian than a straight partner? Wouldnt the straight partner also want the bisexual partner to prove she/he will stay "straight" so to speak?

This is the danger of making a bisexual into one or the other when we're clearly both....

Hi Ingognita...

I just wanted to add something if that's ok...
I'm sorry if you have experienced any level of discrimination from within the LGBTQ Community with regards to your sexual identity, whether you know for sure where you stand or are dealing with personal conflict or angst with regards to your journey of self-discovery (((hugs)))
Everyone is learning all the time about so many various sexual identities that exist in the world as we know it..., even I am learning! Knowledge is a form of power and it is something I would like to be well equipped with so that my level of understanding and compassion is increased.
I would hope that you don't feel any level of rejection for who you decide to identify as..., this is really a very personal thing..., there are many LGBTQ'S who struggle with their identity so you are not alone (((hugs)))
The more we all share, the more we all learn..., you will find some Lesbians don't have any issues with Bisexuals and others might, but that does not define you as a person..., the only thing that should define you is your moral character, which is the existence of virtues such as integrity, courage, fortitude, honesty and loyalty. Aristotle's insight was that virtue and good character are based on a sense of self-esteem and self-confidence..., and that is my wish for you:)

For me the issue is more what Birds described about gay men. The thought of being with men as well is distasteful to me. It is not personal, and I have had bisexual friends, but truthfully I don't want to go where a man goes. If you are no longer with men, that is different, I can deal with that, it's in the past, but not if you still identify as bisexual. Not meant to be hurtful, just truthful. I also believe, at least for me, that there is a certain level of mistrust because I have taken a lot of heat for being a lesbian. It has made my life journey tougher, and I prefer to hang with those who have had to or are now walking that path. This is all in regards to an intimate relationship. Friendship would completely depend on what kind of person you are, not on your sexuality.

Hi, I must admit I am in total agreement with my friend Topaz on this one. When I came out, and made the decision to leave my husband, it was because I felt I had no choice. My husband was, and is a great guy, but not once could I enjoy him sexually, or feel any kind of romantic love toward him. I married him at 17 to escape a very abusive homelife, and spent years wondering what was wrong with me, for not enjoying him.

The very same as Topaz, and speaking for myself "I do not want to go where a man goes" and if I may add I do not wish to clean up a man's mess. Yeppers the thought of being with men/a man is very distasteful to me as well.

I came out in 1986, after 2 years of a personal struggle, and I also have taken ALOT of heat, and known much discrimination. I too prefer a partner, who has, or is now walking that path.

When it comes to friendship, that is totally different. My very best friend for over 25 years is straight,I have an extended family member who is bisexual, and I love her bunches, she is a sweetie.

While I would hope that none of my lesbian sisters would be negative, or judgemental towards.... well anyone really, let alone anyone in the GLBT community. When I was single, and dating I did not wish to date bisexuals. Just my personal preference.

my partner knew i was bi when she met me, never had any issue with it whatsoever, nor did she need to.... 3+ years later were still together, happy and in love, surprise, surprise! i'm very glad she was not judgmental about bi's or we might have missed out on the best relationship of our lives! .....oh, and i have no desire to go back to men or otherwise....imagine that!

Everyone, thank you for your replies. I regret that I can't really respond and comment to them right now, but know that I have read each of them and appreciate you contributing to this discussion.