As a woman who can admit to once being slothful like that....no, your reasons are not petty. Every relationship should be based on equality and support.

I grew up in a household where my family always cooked and cleaned for me until I moved out when I was 19. Then, I had a series of relationships that the other person would cook for me, clean for me, and cater to me. Sadly, as much as I felt like a princess - my lack of initiative for myself in these ways created a lack of self sufficiency into adulthood. Now I can not 100% say my lack of cleanliness resulted in past breakups, but it has caused arguments within my most current relationship to my fiance'. My lack of cleanliness was causing a rift in my relationship and I realized that if I really loved her like I verbalized daily, I have to act like it and fix what was obviously the problem no matter how prideful I was feeling. I had to put myself in her shoes and see how I was making her feel to see how unfair I was being. So I started watching Youtube videos to learn to cook and I started forcing myself to treat cleaning as a habit because I knew all she really wanted out of me was effort and to not feel like so much is burdened upon her. But I had to be an adult and be responsible enough to get my ass out of my own way and whatever I was feeling and do the right thing to keep my relationship.

And your girl has to make the same choice too. Keep in mind since she admits to knowing her exes broke up with her because of her cleanliness in the past, she may already be in the mind frame that you are going to end up doing the same which only reinforces her own negativity because it's always happened before.

When I realized how happy me putting forth an effort and cleaning more made my girl feel appreciated - I became happy to do it all the time. What other better way [than sex] is there to make your gf feel appreciated that doesn't require a lot of time and usually no $ ? And when she is happy, I'm happy. Now, I can say I pride myself on having and keeping a clean home and not just for my love, but for me too.

Her changing isn't a guarantee, but it starts with a conversation about how deeply hurt you are and how if she did these things it would make you so much happier in the relationship. Therapy may not be a bad idea either. But if you've already had that conversation time and time again and nothing has changed - you just have to be real enough to know when to let it go.

Best of luck to you dear. Keep your head up!

F.L ~ Dynamicearthcoaching.com

its her personal hygiene too. the past few months shes had a incontinence problem . her doctor says there is nothing wrong. but she refuses to wear a pad . so on top of all the work there is now lots of added washing. our bed stinks. her clothes in the laundry basket stink .and because she hardly ever showers ,i think shes had one shower in the last month ,she smells as well. even my friend said she smelt my partner when she walked by her. top this off with she never cleans her teeth. then she thinks i'm being offish for not wanting to be intimate. she did say she would shower if i wanted sex but thats not the point ,she should want to be clean all the time not just when she wants sex or i do. she went away today on holiday with her family,last night in bed she went to cuddle me the smell was so bad i just pulled away. i thought at least she would had showered before going on her holiday .

I don't have an answer for you but I am responding because I can relate in that she waved in your face from the very beginning a glaring red flag and you did what I did -- ignore it.

My ex-GF said "I will destroy you" and I was so humored by her arrogance and said to her, "who do you think you are that you think that you can destroy me????"

Sadly, I took it as a personal challenge to date her rather than a forewarning about the glaring red flag she waved in my face.

In a nutshell, the 11 years of sobriety she had in AA and many of the other stories she shared during our 15 months of dating were all a lie. She had not been sober the entire time and lied about many things.

Fortunately, she was wrong--she didn't destroy me but she did make me 10000000x more willing to pay attention to the red flags people reveal about themselves from the get-go.

think i must be colour blind lol i dont see the red flag as such. i think it maybe because i think i can handle things. i mean i had always done the housework when i was with my ex as she worked . but housework to me means washing etc cleaning the house ,i didnt know her version of housework included not even washing up or helping to wash up. we made a agreement she would cook one meal a day and help me in the garden ,she rarely cooks and mostly it consists of convenience food you just put in the oven with no prep. and she refuses to help me in the garden ,oh sometimes she sits in a deck chair watching me.

she went on her family holiday yesterday by that i mean her aunt asked her to take them on a fly drive holiday as non of them can drive who wanted to go .i wasnt invited by her aunt. but it isnt just a week she has gone the day before to pick up this uncle who lives miles away then when they arrive back instead of taking him straight back he wants to go back to see his family first,he saw them before he went as thats where my partner took him back to and they setting off from there. so im not happy that my partner didnt say no she had left her partner on her own long enough . but i have told her this is a one off as i'm not putting up with it again.

You're right, it's not so much a red flag as she simply told you from the get-go what she was like.
I get that.

She definitely was honest up front with you about her lack of cleaning or doing anything other than playing video games and watching T.V. all day.

Come on sweetpea your worth more than this. She doesn't bathe and she stinks. I hope you realize this isn't normal behavior. I would end this. This is more than just red flags.

hi guys sorry its been months since i last logged in. and things have got even worse .i thought i had got somewhere in january ,sat her down told her ok i could handle her not doing housework but could not handle the hurt i felt when she puts me second to her family and pointed out since we started our relationship she has not put me first once and how much this hurts. and said unless she starts putting me first then i could not continue with our relationship as it hurt too much. she said ok but i said i didnt just want her words i needed her to actually prove it and there would be no more nights away visiting her family as they all live a hour and a half and two hours away so she can go there and back in a day no problem. i told her why,because last year i was in a mental health crisis her sister rang wanting my partner to sit by her phone while she was at a funeral for a couple of hours and my partner said yes straight away. but not only did she says yes she insisted she went the day before and stayed over night so she was there in the morning to sit by the phone. all this when i was in crisis and she is my carer. anyway we made this agreement back in january but the first family event that comes up and she wants to break it ,by staying overnight when some of her family holiday a hour away from us ,and it is at a time when my mental health will be rock bottom as i have to give evidence in court that week and been warned by police the defendant which is my neighbour could kick off after the court case. so after seeing the way she has reacted ,thought nothing of breaking our agreement,her promise. and seeing how she would never break a promise to any of her family. i am thinking of just now giving her a straight ultimation me or her family. and i think i know she wont choose me.

Just curious how did it all go? I hope for your own mental health that you let her go and wash your hands off from her. She can return back to her family whom she loves more -- head on with your life and be happy. thanks for updating.