Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I feel guilty even writing this, but I feel like this is my last resort to get advice to hopefully turn my life around. I'm 22 years old and realized i was interested in women last february. I first came out as bi and now as gay. Most of my family and friends know and are accepting, but i can't help feeling internalized oppression that i've recieved over the years by some family members and society as a whole. I don't have a lot of gay friends and the only gay female that i can talk to is my ex, but sometimes I don't want to throw all my internalized shit onto her b/c she's already been through it and has accepted who she is. Plus she's my ex and i don't think it's healthy to depend on someone who let me down in the past. I guess what i'm asking is how do others deal with oppression. I know that the LGBT community is growing and getting more acceptance from the general society, but I can't help feeling afraid to come out to new ppl for fear of rejection and just being me (like holding a woman's hand in public).
Any advice, personal stories, etc would be greatly appreciated!
Any advice, personal stories, etc would be greatly appreciated!
Your dilemma is understandable. I came out later in life, when I was 38. I had lived thru a lifetime of oppression I had put on myself so by the time I came out I was of the mind set of not caring what the world thinks. I don't go around advertising I'm gay, but I don't try to hide it. I hold hands in public and sometimes a smootch here and there, I don't care what ppl think but am always aware of the ignorance and potential danger from haters, so I am careful that way. I live in a smallish community, more small minded than anything else, have not had any real problems, sometimes ppl stare a bit longer than they should, but I keep on doing my thing and being who I am. I am not a second class citizen and rail against being treated as such. You can't worry about ppl rejecting you for being gay, ppl suck, just have the take me or leave me attitude. You cannot please everyone. Just be who you are, it may not always be easy, but it's truth.
Its understandable you are internalizing homophobia, you are fresh out of school (speaking metaphorically), and oppression is rampant in the school environment. Its no different than realizing we have all internalized racism. WHile we try to change this, it takes lots of work, and tremendous self awareness. The only way to change this is to be aware of it...as often as possible.
But the real way to get through this is to gain confidence in who you are, where you want to go and what you want to do. I'm 58 and no longer hold so much of those internal fears. I come out when I feel ike it...and don't other times. Everyone I believe should know does, and if they are not cool with it, my favorite says is..."There's the door, don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out..." Cause in the end, if they don't accept your sexually...they just don't accept you. So while you will mourn, don't let it attack you're confidence.
Remember, acceptance begins with you...no one else. If you can find one, maybe there is a lesbian/gay group in your area that meets regularly. You might even volunteer at the local gay pride committee, or even many states are fighting for marriage rights. I'm guessing the more you around people who are accepting of themselves, it will teach you self acceptance as well. And better, you might make a good friend that you can share your thoughts and feelings with.
Good luck