Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I'll start from the beginning.
In September I made my 'no strings' friend an official girlfriend. Prior to being official, we were sleeping together and eventually started going on dates, from July onwards. We have been friends for many years, since we were both in school in 2007. She moved away, we kept in touch, and I had a serious, long term girlfriend from 2009 - 2013 and she had a handful of her own. We've both always had feelings for each other, and this caused a bit of a problem for my then-girlfriend when she supported me through the bad relationship, telling me she'd do better if she had the chance. We would fall out a lot - she was sick of seeing me hurt by my girlfriend and me defending her actions. We spoke only civilly and every blue moon after that.
Then, in 2013, my girlfriend left me. Despite the destructive nature of the relationship and all she'd done to hurt me, I was completely devastated by it. My friend immediately came back on the scene. In fact, she got a train only days later to see me and make sure I was okay. She got me through the hardest bits of my grieving, listening to me cry on the phone and give me the best advice she could, as well as travelling to come and see me despite her own girlfriend being very upset with the arrangement.
Eventually her relationship broke down too. I was there for her, but she was happy about it, as she'd wanted to leave for a long time. Eventually, we got closer, and friendship lines became blurred. It's not been a simple, easy relationship. I got scared being with someone so soon after my heartache. I was worried for our tainted friendship, worried I'd hurt her because I knew she felt more than I felt.
To cut a long story short, I fell completely in love with her. I feel butterflies when we kiss, I think about her 24/7, and my days are brighter with her in them. We always have such a good time together - we go out on dates all the time and I'm always spoiled to a little gift - she never listens to my protests. She would compliment me daily, tell me why she loves me, and make me feel so special. She loved the bits of me I hated and made me feel more like myself than anyone can.
So why do I need advice?
Well. I feel like something's changed. She seems to avoid my gaze and spend a lot of time on her phone all of a sudden. She's less attentive, and doesn't really speak to me the way she used to. I've been getting increasingly more depressed and stressed these past couple of weeks - a lot of things have been happening around me and I have my own problems on top - so I'm not even really sure whether my gut is right or I'm just creating problems in my head.
I've spoken to her multiple times about it. She got defensive, ignored me and went to sleep. I've spoken to her today about it too, and she told me she doesn't think anything has changed and then said she can't handle this every day and then ignored me. I'm trying so hard to fix it but I'm terrified I've ruined things with her. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm scared to be heartbroken again so soon.
She has a lot on her plate...I think that has a lot to do with it as well. And we can only see each other once a week due to travel and work.
I just feel lost. I put my all into this girl. I let my walls down. I don't want to lose her already.
In September I made my 'no strings' friend an official girlfriend. Prior to being official, we were sleeping together and eventually started going on dates, from July onwards. We have been friends for many years, since we were both in school in 2007. She moved away, we kept in touch, and I had a serious, long term girlfriend from 2009 - 2013 and she had a handful of her own. We've both always had feelings for each other, and this caused a bit of a problem for my then-girlfriend when she supported me through the bad relationship, telling me she'd do better if she had the chance. We would fall out a lot - she was sick of seeing me hurt by my girlfriend and me defending her actions. We spoke only civilly and every blue moon after that.
Then, in 2013, my girlfriend left me. Despite the destructive nature of the relationship and all she'd done to hurt me, I was completely devastated by it. My friend immediately came back on the scene. In fact, she got a train only days later to see me and make sure I was okay. She got me through the hardest bits of my grieving, listening to me cry on the phone and give me the best advice she could, as well as travelling to come and see me despite her own girlfriend being very upset with the arrangement.
Eventually her relationship broke down too. I was there for her, but she was happy about it, as she'd wanted to leave for a long time. Eventually, we got closer, and friendship lines became blurred. It's not been a simple, easy relationship. I got scared being with someone so soon after my heartache. I was worried for our tainted friendship, worried I'd hurt her because I knew she felt more than I felt.
To cut a long story short, I fell completely in love with her. I feel butterflies when we kiss, I think about her 24/7, and my days are brighter with her in them. We always have such a good time together - we go out on dates all the time and I'm always spoiled to a little gift - she never listens to my protests. She would compliment me daily, tell me why she loves me, and make me feel so special. She loved the bits of me I hated and made me feel more like myself than anyone can.
So why do I need advice?
Well. I feel like something's changed. She seems to avoid my gaze and spend a lot of time on her phone all of a sudden. She's less attentive, and doesn't really speak to me the way she used to. I've been getting increasingly more depressed and stressed these past couple of weeks - a lot of things have been happening around me and I have my own problems on top - so I'm not even really sure whether my gut is right or I'm just creating problems in my head.
I've spoken to her multiple times about it. She got defensive, ignored me and went to sleep. I've spoken to her today about it too, and she told me she doesn't think anything has changed and then said she can't handle this every day and then ignored me. I'm trying so hard to fix it but I'm terrified I've ruined things with her. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm scared to be heartbroken again so soon.
She has a lot on her plate...I think that has a lot to do with it as well. And we can only see each other once a week due to travel and work.
I just feel lost. I put my all into this girl. I let my walls down. I don't want to lose her already.
Please don't remain in an space of confusion and abandonement. Your feelings are valid and deserve acknoweledgement. I'm familiar with the type of situation you are in. It's a terrible state to be in---a vigil spent alone and scared. Be strong in your wish to be heard and having a simple discussion about honesty and feelings. If she can't do that....well, her commitment to you and the relationship might be in question. Good luck to you.
I don't know what to do, how to handle it. She's seeing me on Tuesday. I suppose I decided to see how that went. But I don't want to live in fear or make the one I love miserable. She has certainly stopped doing certain things that made me feel loved, even just talking less on the phone and text (we are sort of long distance so we don't see an awful lot of each other).
I feel like she's just disregarding my feelings and now I'm treading eggshells. It's awful.