Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
To condense this into a very, very, short story, I have been gay at heart for a long, long time. I was in a relationship with a sociopath for 5 and a half years and just left her a few months ago. We have pretty much been through everything together, homelessness, drug addiction, death, police, and come out clean, but 3 months later we were into the same thing again.
But I went through it because I loved her and wanted to be with her, but sometimes she would just leave me in the dust. Ok I'm getting off the subject.
I know and knew that she was a sociopath, but I think that she took advantage of the fact that I was gay and that I loved her. Also our relationship was not just me and her alone; I used to be bi sexual so at one point we would hook up with men and come back to each other and everything would be fine, but when I came out of the closet I would watch her be with these other men and it hurt me too much to see that, so I agreed to that I could have sex with other women, and she could have sex with other men, but we would be in a relationship, but she ended up getting back into a relationship right in front of my face!
I guess my point is that because of this horrible relationship I feel like I am not enough for another woman. I want to have a good relationship with a woman and I just can't.seem to find the confidence to stand up on my own. In every way, I just don't feel like I am good enough.
Does anyone have any feedback? Anything helps, really.
But I went through it because I loved her and wanted to be with her, but sometimes she would just leave me in the dust. Ok I'm getting off the subject.
I know and knew that she was a sociopath, but I think that she took advantage of the fact that I was gay and that I loved her. Also our relationship was not just me and her alone; I used to be bi sexual so at one point we would hook up with men and come back to each other and everything would be fine, but when I came out of the closet I would watch her be with these other men and it hurt me too much to see that, so I agreed to that I could have sex with other women, and she could have sex with other men, but we would be in a relationship, but she ended up getting back into a relationship right in front of my face!
I guess my point is that because of this horrible relationship I feel like I am not enough for another woman. I want to have a good relationship with a woman and I just can't.seem to find the confidence to stand up on my own. In every way, I just don't feel like I am good enough.
Does anyone have any feedback? Anything helps, really.
You ARE good enough, and a bad experience with some a-hole should not trick u into thinking aything different. You need to reain your confidence- imagine times whenyou were/hppy confident without her, and what you were doing at the time. This woman never deserved you- she is not enough, but you are amazing to have gone through something like that. Aren't you glad you're not still caught in tat cycle? Coz that relationship was obviously bad for you, and it's a good thing you're not in it any more. It seems hard to take the first step, but goin out nd meeting otherwomen will be hard t first, but with practice you will become more confident and eventually meet someone special. I'm sure you have many assets tat would appeal to many women out there- some you don't even know about! You are a special and uniqu person wo someone will be happyto have, who deserves better than your ex. It will take time, but you will be hapier as you take baby steps ad are rewared with success, remember there are many peopl out there just lke you, going through similar things, and there are may fish in the sea compatible with you. Meeting people might help you feel better about yourself and get into practice of embracing your best qualities, don't be afraid of rejection! Anyone who doesn't want you isn't worth having you.
While this seems hard, take something away from this all that will help you in the future- learn to respect yourself and never let a partner rob you of your self worth. A lot of relationships end with hurt, bt tey happen fr a reason! Ever breakup/relationship teaches you something and hs some positive affect on who you are, it takes a strong person to embrace this outlook and pick themselves p from dwnfalls. Treat yourself with respect by finding a partner who will make you happy. IOne day yo will find the one, just you wait, and remember it's about the journey, the destination is the reward.
I wish you the best of luck and ood luck, I hope you can regain confidence.
I think if you reread your post, with an attempted third "eye", you might see what i'm going to say, which is, "you certainly have little respect for yourself, huh?" Are these your moral standards or hers? If they are hers, why would you agree to them? These are some of the questions you might answer to help you move on.
I can't encourage you enough to get into counseling, otherwise, the next time, you might really find yourself in serious trouble! Is it that important to have a gf , that you compromise your feelings/morals?
While she is a sociopath, you were easily sucked in, yes? Why? If you can figure this out, you probably won't do it again. But until you do, we are doomed to repeat our mistakes because we don't understand them or why.
Your part in this story is the level of disrespect you showed yourself, and my friend, if you are not willing and able to respect you, how can you expect others to? It starts with you...when you respect you, others will follow. Think about the things you did in this relationship that were against your better judgment and morals, then ask yourself why? This is where a counselor can offer incredible insight. A 3rd pair of impartial eyes. Give it a shot. I'm thinking you won't be disappointed...you have no where to go but up!
you are NEVER EVER 'not good enough'. You have been through self-inflicted hell and back.. and now here you are... scared, weak, insecure and wanting something good in your life.
Awesome!!!! Welcome to the light ~ welcome to finding yourself and finally coming to a point in your beautiful life where you want to make some changes.
You have been moving through life accomodating all your desires; you have been allowing your childhood and old character weaknesses to guide you into every situation; and you have fulfilled your craviing to be outside of the moral, true world of reality. You now know (or at least have a feeling) that something inside yourself needs to change so you get your life back on track. This is the first hardest step, Sister. *high five ~ I am SO proud of you.
However,..even considering having a girlfriend right now would be a horrible repeat of what you've been doing to your life and your peace. There is no way honey,..that you are ready for a good, decent, sweet, caring, devoted, mature relationship. (hug)
It's as if you have decided long ago to jump on a crazy, oblivious roller coaster and now you are dizzy and tired and want off. The only way to get off this emotional roller coaster sweety,..is to Stop it Yourself,and breathe; and take care of yourself for a while.
May I humbly suggest, ..that you work on acquiring a good, decent, sweet, caring and devoted SELF LOVE for yourself, honey. You have to take a year or more to really work on yourself....just be... just be yourself...enjoy friendships,.. life,...nature,...learn who you are,..love who you are....appreciate your alone time..and look directly at the darkness inside you...identify it, accept it, embrace it and then let it go to find 'light and good and sweet again' :O)
I promise you (hug),..if you take the time to get your shit together.. and make learn to love yourself..and set goals for yourself.. one day in the future...the Universe will introduce you to a great love; and she will reflect the same love for you - that you have for yourself.
((long hug))
Be strong....stand up,.. dust off.. and do something wonderful for YOURSELF for a while :O)
I went through something similar in the past. Did the drugs, went through an entire cycle of her convincing me that sex and love can be separated which was actually her ploy for her to really sleep with other people.
It didn't last very long cos I put my foot down and asked myself seriously, why the hell would the woman who claims to love me need such stimuli? Isn't the entire idea of being together mean that we make each other happy already, of course there is a need of healthy socializing outside ourselves.
I fully agree with what breb53 and MsTerilyn's POV. Your relationship lacks trust but more importantly you need to ask yourself are you respecting yourself? Why do you allow such things to happen? I asked myself that question when the relationship ended and for me I found out it was because of my lack of self confidence. I do not know fully your experiences but I suspect its somewhat similar.
Often times we feel we are not enough for the person we love because we don't do enough things for ourselves. Something I learnt the hard and is still learning is that happiness and self fulfillment comes from loving ourselves. It sounds selfish but its not, how do you expect someone to love you if you can't even love yourself. It's like they are loving an empty shell.
A rather helpful tip would be to ask yourself what were your life goals before you met this girl. This could give you focus to move on.
If you need someone to talk about this just holler kay. :)