Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

1,315 Members
4,919 Posts
0 Online
Lesbian & Gay
/ Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

I am attracted to women but have a boyfriend

MADgirl77
MADgirl77
I have always been attracted to women. .. I was sexually molested and abused by men in my family for many years as a child..then as a young adult raped.. the child of a single drug addicted mother with wayy too much on her plate... I was forced by my uncles and cousins to preform on my younger brothers for their amusement. . I grew to dispise men and look at them with disgust... when in my early teens my family noticed I had no boyfriend... didn't dress to impress them...well I dressesd like one of the boys.. .. then they started to see my lady friends we went out we snuggled kissed... I felt so comfortable so accepted... not scared they were gonna abuse me embarrass me.... but when I told my family.... they criticized me cried.... it was not acceptable in their eyes.... what would everyone think they said.... what about having children they said...and so I put myself on the back burner... I have been in a relationship with a man since I've been sixteen. ... now twenty three. ..... lOve him but he dOes nOt make life worth living for me... to cut it short.....last year I started cheating on Him with his older sister.... and truth be told it was the best time of my life... she treated me the best any one ever has.... then he found out.. he stayed and forbidden me to see her... I dnt know why... maybe I was terrified of what he would do... but now a year later it is finally clear... I love women.. the site of penis makes me cringe. ... the taste of cum makes me gag.. I don't know what to do it will kill my family...... but I feel like its killing me... I want to get to know who I am..I want to be happy.. please help me
MsTeriLyn
MsTeriLyn
You've been connected to this site since early 2012 and your abusive history goes back over 7 years. Since this situation has been going on for quite some time, I would highly recommend that you get off the computer and seek out social services and immediate psychological help.
You are living within a highly complex and serious mindset; and based on your openness here on this post, you need to have some very intense and professional intervention that this site is not capable of offering.

Be gentle with yourself and go get the help you need.
annewinnie
annewinnie
i agree with msterilyn you do need some counselling. but i can relate to your situation. and the steps you need to take to be happy willl involve alot of therapy. i never liked men. went through some sexual abuse myself at the hands of men.growing up felt the only "normal" thing was to be involved with a man. so i was in relationships with men.but the only way for me to let a man touch me i had to be drunk or high. i felt miserable. i felt like the lowest piece of existence alive. i hit rock bottom eventually and almost ended up dead. got into counselling and relaized i had to love myself first and foremost. being gay is not wrong bad or disgusting.it just is.and those around you that cannot accept and love you for you need to be removed from your life. including family. but this cant not b done alone. it is the hardest thing in the world to love you first. i walked away from 99 percent of my family because all they were doing was tearing me apart and brining negativity into my life. and refusing to accept the boundaries i set up for them. i am not saying this is the step you need to make. i have no idea what is best for you except that you need to get counsellling. you need t get a counsellor to show you the steps you need to take to love you. i am just saying that i have been there and i know its not easy. it is the hardest thing you will have to do however it is the most rewarding thing you can do. please get some help. and be kind to yourself
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm bisexual, and can relate to having to come out to family. Bottom line is, it's ur life and you deserve to be fulfilled in a relationship. Your family will be upset, but eventually they will have to learn to deal with the fact that ur a lesbian. You deserve to be happy, don't let anyone hold you back for being who you are.
barbarame
barbarame
You need a lot of work on self mending before you can even consider a relationship with anybody. DO the work, and when, dear broken dolly, you are fixed, go ahead and finf the love and the life you deserve.
Reed31
Reed31
I agree that some healing is in order and there are a lot of great therapists and groups out there that can help you.

That said, often we make things (coming out) so much worse in our minds than it will be. Often when people tell their families the reaction is, "we've known that for years."

My 95 year old grandpa, who I was SURE would turn the entire universe against me said, "I guess some people are just born that way."

I sacrificed my happiness for YEARS - married a man and stayed married and miserable for nearly 20 years largely to avoid my grandfather's reaction.

I have no idea how your family will react and part of their reaction -if bad - probably has more to do with their own guilt over what they did to you and less to do with who you are.

And don't underestimate your strength and ability to deal with any fallout. Also, a reality check I had recently was wondering why I cared about what my family - people who hurt me -thought if me.

Best of luck to you.