Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I did something wrong and hurtful to the woman I love. This came out of my own neediness and insecurity and had nothing to do with anything she did.
A little history. I have been out as bi since i was 15 (I am now 50). I dated both men and women until I got married to a man who I stayed married to for 20 years. He was extremely abusive, but it took me a long time to work up the courage to leave him. I have to kids who are both adults now. After that relationship I realized that I really a lesbian, not bi. I started dating women casually because I did not feel as though I was emotionally ready for a serious relationship. Then I started dating C. and despite my best intentions to keep things casual, I fell madly in love with her.
We have been dating for a year. I have not been a great girlfriend, I'm still carrying a lot of baggage from past abuse, but I have been trying to do right by her.
A few weeks ago I did something awful, beyond the pale awful, really abusive. I am devastated that I could do such a thing. Understandably, C. is truly shaken. I am amazed that she did not just kick me to the curb. She has asked that we cool off our relationship a little while I seek counseling and help, but she has not given up on me yet, for which I am very grateful.
I am so shocked that I could have done something so hurtful to the woman I love that I just don't know how to deal with it emotionally. I am starting therapy in a couple week.
A little history. I have been out as bi since i was 15 (I am now 50). I dated both men and women until I got married to a man who I stayed married to for 20 years. He was extremely abusive, but it took me a long time to work up the courage to leave him. I have to kids who are both adults now. After that relationship I realized that I really a lesbian, not bi. I started dating women casually because I did not feel as though I was emotionally ready for a serious relationship. Then I started dating C. and despite my best intentions to keep things casual, I fell madly in love with her.
We have been dating for a year. I have not been a great girlfriend, I'm still carrying a lot of baggage from past abuse, but I have been trying to do right by her.
A few weeks ago I did something awful, beyond the pale awful, really abusive. I am devastated that I could do such a thing. Understandably, C. is truly shaken. I am amazed that she did not just kick me to the curb. She has asked that we cool off our relationship a little while I seek counseling and help, but she has not given up on me yet, for which I am very grateful.
I am so shocked that I could have done something so hurtful to the woman I love that I just don't know how to deal with it emotionally. I am starting therapy in a couple week.
As for your current relationship, I think you both did the right thing by cooling off your relationship a bit and it's great that you're going to go to counseling. Therapy can be very helpful. In the meantime, I suggest writing down your feelings. That will help you get your feelings out and may help you see what's going on. Plus it will help with your therapy sessions to discuss what you wrote, when you're ready to do so that is.
When appropriate and the time is right, talk with your girlfriend and be very open and honest with her. Communication is so very important. Perhaps sometime down the road you can do couples counseling. But for right now, really focus on working on yourself and exploring what happened.
Again, I think you're doing the right thing by cooling off your relationship and seeking counseling. You know you made a mistake, you owned up to it, and now you're taking the steps to figure out why it happened and to make sure it doesn't happen again.
Good luck and I wish you all the best! :)
(long hug)
I am trying not to beat myself up too much, but it's hard. I feel like such a jerk.