Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
i have been in my first real lesbian relationship for the last two months and am scared to death. i was previously married to a man and have three children but have always known that i preferred woman. my partner is 17 years younger than me but very very mature for her age. i already tell her that i love her but she rarely tells me she does. she is very very independent and it kills me cause i love doing for people and she wont let me do anything because this was the way she was raised. she wants to do everything for me. anytime i get too emotional and close i back away because im scared i will loose her. i dont know how to get over our age difference because i think she will end up changeing her mind. dont know how to slow down and enjoy her and not want to rush things. im miserable when im not with her. in very jealous which i have never been. i get very angry over nothing and want to run away and break it off when im head over heels for her. i was not raised by kind people and have a very hard time when i find a good one. i need puppy prozac.
Anyway. So much for the humor. I'm going to be very direct with you. You can take it or leave it honey. This is YOUR journey :O) and what the hell do I know...(plus I've had 2 dirty martini's..so take this with a grain of.. olive)
I'm really glad you found someone. It's very hard to find 'thee one' in this world. So many things have to be lined up ~ just like the planets. We really need to be as compatable in every respect with our primary partner. After all.. they ARE our 'primary'.. not just some friend or someone we are dating... they are 'thee' one. (At this point in life anyway)
It doesn't really matter, in all reality that this is your 'first lesbian relationship'.. it simpy really is.. another precious relationship. Women are more intense, and it will be a relationship that you pour your body, mind and soul into. You will never ever forget your First.
You're with a woman who is 17 years younger than yourself. My first lesbian relationship was with someone 12 years younger than myself. She is/was pretty wise for her age. And after 12 years of living like we were married,..it's over. Know why? Because she had to go through her biological journey in life. She hit mid-life,.... she went through more than that.. emotionally. She grew up.. saw a new world. She was a country girl promoted into the big city life. A place that I can say "Been there, done that." Could I have predicted that our journey's life would take such separate paths? Nope. I was 'in love'.. and I thought this was it. But, I forgot the most important thing.. her journey.. her need to grow and learn and find her place in life. Destiny,..very intrinsically was based on our age differences.. and was already predicted.
All I can recommend: because in all honesy, this type of thing is VERY individual.. is to lay back... smile.. breathe...enjoy.. but be VERY VERY realistic. Be ever so protective of your heart. She IS only 23 and in ALL respects is going to grow and change quite a bit. The 20's ARE The Growth Years and there is nothing we can do about it.
Please feel free to message me anytime. I wish you the best of luck and hope so much your heart stays whole and untouched by the lesson you are about to learn :O/
Be happy with what you have for now.. and keep in mind: Love isn't about holding something close to us; suffocating it... or wishing for what's not possible; it's about TRULY LOVING enough to understand how life works.. and let go when we need too. Love is not possessive.
Your situation sounds so familiar to me, I am the younger in my relationship, and while our difference is not 17 years, I am just entering my 20s and she is nearly 30, putting us, like you, at very different points in our lives. I see the same battle in her that you've described, and I'm guilty of the things your girlfriend does. However I don't think it's the age difference you need to get over, I think it's something you need to stay aware of. For me, I hold back on the 'I love yous' and the plan-making, and living together, whatever it may be, because we often forget our age difference, and I feel like, knowing how my girlfriend feels, I'm unintentionally making promises I can't keep. As dedicated to them as I may be at the time, I don't think it's realistic for me to commit to many of the things she's ready to, because I'm only barely 21 and I am likely to change my mind, my goals, perspectives. But none of this means I don't love her, which I think it is often intrepreted, I'm really just trying to be realistic and protect her, and myself. Don't pull away from her when this happens, let her know you're there and supportive, and most of all willing to let her grow and change. Hope I could offer a little perspective, as you did me :)
I've been here.. heard that.
Keep me close when you need to talk. Until then... just enjoy the beauty of it :O)
Dear alijoezack: here's my 2 cents' worth: I've been lesbian longer than you have been on the planet (never mind your young g/f). From the vantage point of an "elder" (currently in an almost 20-year relationship) my advise is SLOW DOWN. Sorry for shouting. Girlfriend, try like crazy to keep your own separate space for a while. If you want to be together, "visit" one another for a bit. If your love affair is that hot, then you'll be able to crawl over broken glass to get to one another - so hopping in a car should not be that big a sacrifice. Trust me, if it's meant to last, it'll survive living separately for a bit longer. And that way, you'll get a chance to try one another's likes and dislikes (no, not sexual) for a bit.