Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hi everyone.
I'm here for a little advice. I've been with my current girlfriend for just over a year; I've never been treated so well. We understand each other, she's patient with me, validates my feelings, and takes care of me.
However...there is a slight problem. She seems more than happy to stay where she is (in a job she doesn't enjoy, spending all her free time drinking) & I am somewhat more ambitious than that. I put a lot of myself into the other person when I'm with them, and it means I suffer a lot as a result. I feel lost; in myself and what I want. In a way, I'm worried that if I were to spread my wings and fly that she wouldn't follow; so I put myself in a cage.
I also suffer with anxiety and self esteem issues. My girlfriend is one of those people the world loves - it's no exaggeration. She is loved by everyone she meets. It can be somewhat hard for me at times - she's had a few girlfriends we still see (it's a small town), people who've loved her, people who she's slept with. I often struggle when she's still very friendly with these people and I hate feeling like that. She understands and is always very good to me when I talk to her about these feelings. But I want to know how to be more confident...be my own person, instead of always thinking about her/doing what makes her happy. I always put her first and I want to learn to put myself first more.
I can't really talk to anyone about my feelings because, like I say, small town, everyone knows and loves her, so I feel odd talking about her or how I feel about these things to most people. The bottom line is: I'm worried I want more from life, and I might not go for it. I miss being confident and being my own person, but I don't know how to get there.
Any ideas?
I'm here for a little advice. I've been with my current girlfriend for just over a year; I've never been treated so well. We understand each other, she's patient with me, validates my feelings, and takes care of me.
However...there is a slight problem. She seems more than happy to stay where she is (in a job she doesn't enjoy, spending all her free time drinking) & I am somewhat more ambitious than that. I put a lot of myself into the other person when I'm with them, and it means I suffer a lot as a result. I feel lost; in myself and what I want. In a way, I'm worried that if I were to spread my wings and fly that she wouldn't follow; so I put myself in a cage.
I also suffer with anxiety and self esteem issues. My girlfriend is one of those people the world loves - it's no exaggeration. She is loved by everyone she meets. It can be somewhat hard for me at times - she's had a few girlfriends we still see (it's a small town), people who've loved her, people who she's slept with. I often struggle when she's still very friendly with these people and I hate feeling like that. She understands and is always very good to me when I talk to her about these feelings. But I want to know how to be more confident...be my own person, instead of always thinking about her/doing what makes her happy. I always put her first and I want to learn to put myself first more.
I can't really talk to anyone about my feelings because, like I say, small town, everyone knows and loves her, so I feel odd talking about her or how I feel about these things to most people. The bottom line is: I'm worried I want more from life, and I might not go for it. I miss being confident and being my own person, but I don't know how to get there.
Any ideas?
Lastly I will say that when people are in relationships sometimes it's hard to put yourself first because you want the other person to be happy. But ultimately you have to do things that make you feel fulfilled as a person as well. I know its easier said than done because I struggle with thinking about my needs too.