Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
So my mother in law has moved back in. Not sure for how long. :( Kinda have a strain in our marriage been fighting and argueing and bickering for 2 weeks now. Is our marriage going to be over because of her? Im not even sure. Im hoping and praying its strong enough to get through this but Im not even sure anymore. Just been too stressed. We had a day today. Her mom called before we got home crying saying she was just in our way. When realisticly it should of waited until we got home. The worst part is she gets in the middle of our arguments. When is it time to give up? I mean I cant make her chose between me or her mom. It wouldn't be right but relisticly that's what its coming down to. I feel like a stranger in my own home with her here. I feel out of place And just plain uptight. I mostly a laid back person but this is driving me insane. I even stay away as much as I can but I know that's putting a strain on my marriage as well as the fighting. Any Advice is appreciated.
Recently I had to deal with a similar situation with my partners daughter and boyfriend moving in..they were living at our house for 6 months, it was not easy and i had about all i could take of that , so i kind of know where your coming from. My partner and i hardly ever get into arguments but we did many times during their stay here and I most of the time i ended up feeling not entitled to my thoughts or feelings because it almost always made her feel like being put in the middle or having to decide between me and her daughter. so i know how that can put a tremendous strain between the two of you with your mother in law there. not sure what i could tell you, in the form of how i got through it, except that for the most part i kept my opinions to myself as much as that was possible (which i know is probably not healthy and probably not good advice), the fact that I knew it was just temporary... and tried to make sure that her and i had our own time, and i had mine outside the house as much as possible. Now that they are gone things are back to normal with us, I have my sanity back, and the house is peaceful again.
Don't give up though... you both are the most important thing here, and your right you can't make her choose between you...and that is always how they see it...but maybe some honest talks and plans for the future and other options on where her mom could live besides with you both and how you could help to accelerate the process.
good luck jessica... i feel for you.... but be strong and hang in there things will get better even though its hard to see at the moment.
I have been in a similar situtation with my spouse's youngest son, he was grown, but has never wanted to work or support himself, UGH!!
My suggestions (I'll have more late) are to be kind to Juanita, and vent your feelings regarding her mom to a trusted friend, and since you are both members here, VENT as long, and loud as you need to IN A PRIVATE MESSAGE, so Juanita will not have to see it.
Also do NOT get sucked into her mom's drama, her crying phone calls are a bid for attention IMHO, so do not get sucked into them. Just say something like "mom you know we love you, and we will talk about this later", then Sweet Jessi, focus on enjoying your wife.
Start setting boundaries with mom, it is your life, and your marriage.
Try not to say anything negative to Juanita regarding her mother, when we say something negative about one of our spouse's family members, it automatically puts them in a position to defend them.
I really understand, cuz I almost walked out on my Leesa when her son was living with us, it took alot for her to see his lies, and they were HORRIBLE, including telling his whole family that he had HIV, and crying, and crying about not wanting to die. I knew it was a lie, he just wanted everyone to take care of him while he did drugs,and since he had used drugs it was possible for him to be infected.
I did not mean to make this about me, only to share that we made it through that and came out stronger for the efforts we made.
Juanita's mom may be emotionally needy, and it is not your or Juanita's responsibility to try and fill all of her emotional needs. I believe that the more you set boundaries, the more she will push at first. As long as you both stand united, and stick to your guns. such as "mom I am sorry you feel that way, we will talk about it later, or not at all".
How long is she going to be staying with you?? Until she does move out, remember dear ones, it is YOUR HOME, YOUR MARRIAGE, AND YOUR LIFE, take control.