Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I lost my mom about three weeks ago. I feel like I killed her because she was having trouble with me being a lesbian. My mom and dad treated my girlfriend with a lot of respect. They treated her like she is one of their own kids. I just don't understand what I am feeling. Why is my mind telling me to do things I know I dont' want to do. I feel so angry and I hate taken it out on my girlfriend. I love her so much. Please tell me what you think.
Take a deep breath honey. (((long hug)))
What you are experiencing is the deepest grief you have ever felt in your life. It is SO DEEP.. SO PAINFUL....there are no words,...are there? It's just too damn much to deal with. Your mind just can't wrap itself around this loss. Memories; like little video's play through your mind. You are remembering all your Mothers words; all her Love; and OMG.. it hurts; in your chest; you can feel your heart break.
And I'm so, so, sorry honey. (((long hug)))
I don't know if you can understand what I'm going to type out here right now hon. Your grief is still very fresh. I DO know what you are going through because I've been there.
The love for your g/f resides in the closest place in your heart; right next to the love you have for your Mother. You are demonstrating your anger for the loss of your Mother; to the next best thing: your g/f. Anger is a part of grief; a very, very powerful phase of grief. And you have every right to feel it ~ actually, you MUST feel it. But as you've said, this isn't right and you know you are hurting your g/f unnecessarily.
You know, in all reality that your Mother was totally accepting of your relationship. She proved it to you. The time that God decided to take your Mom home, has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry...but it really doesn't. Your Mom had her own personal journey here ~ and in all honesty, aside from giving birth to your beautiful soul.. she was here on her own journey honey.
So. I know this will be hard, and you can't even put one thought in front of the other right now,..but you are going to have to be gentle with your support systems (your g/f), You may have to consider going for grief counselling; because it's times like these in ALL our lives that can easily destroy the life around us.
My X-LTR partner and I lost our Mothers 2 weeks apart in 2001. It took about a year for us to try and grieve together; but it led us to the verge of a very painful breakup. Grief puts us all in a whole different frame of mind.. and our only job..as hard as it may be.. is find stablity within it's grasp.
Please try very, very hard not to take this out on your g/f. Please remember the acceptance and love your Mother had for you and your life. Don't IMAGINE things that aren't true honey. Find help if you need to ~ it's out there. Humans have experienced loss through death since we've been on this planet :O/
PS: I am a Spiritualist. I believe that your Mother will never be far away from you. Her Soul is released, and free. And within her faith and love, she will be very close to you. And, one day.. maybe not next week.. maybe not this year.. but one day you will actually feel her with you. You will just know ~ and you'll think.. 'Wow. Am I crazy or is my Mother right here by me?" *wink. And those feelings will continue all your life :O)
Keep talking to her. Go ahead and suffer Her loss. But maintain your integrity within the love and life you have. She wouldn't want it any other way.